Yes, its all true . Like a good dub I NEVER lie (except when I need to).
I was walking across the Brooklyn bridge one day, when I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and shouted "Stop! Don’t do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he shouted back.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?"
I said, "Well ... are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious."
I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian."
I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" He said, "Baptist!"
I said," Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?" He said, "Baptist Church of God!"
I said, "Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!"
I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915? He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!" I said, "Heretic scum! Die!" and pushed him off
.
At that two men dressed in suits came up to me. I thought "I’m in trouble "
One said "that was not a good thing you did". I replied "it was the best thing."
The other said "you do know he will now get a resurrection, so what good will it have been?"
I hadn’t thought of that. "Well" I said, simply amazed at their foresight. "I just hadn’t thought that far ahead but I suppose........"
The first one interrupted "in our organisation we can send a person to EVERLASTING destruction, you know Gehenna the Lake of Fire. We can do that for things like expressing a doubt over one of our doctrines or if he views something differently.
Even after it is proven he was right in doubting, even if years later the doctrine is changed to accommodate his correctly held, originally expressed views he still goes to Gehenna when he dies. Why? For running ahead of course. Yes! That’s right! Running ahead. a wicked and heinous crime if ever there was one.
We know from extensive Biblical research that out of all the sins worthy of everlasting death, thinking for yourself is just about the most unforgivable, far worse than child abuse, and hence incurs the ultimate punishment. So all we need is for three of our elders to convene a committee, declare the person disfellowshiped and Bobs your uncle, it’s done.
We don’t even have to dirty our hands; our God happily carries out our judicial decisions on our behalf because he knows that he can safely leave such serious decisions about life and death in our just, knowledgeable, wise, merciful, loving, understanding and competent hands. What do you think of that then?" they asked.
I thought for a moment "That which burns, never returns". "Yes!" I replied." I’m convinced". From that moment I was hooked.
With a little spiritual politicking I was soon an elder. My life was now complete. How happy I will now be for all eternity.
LaLaLa