Collection of courtroom gaffes - all true, unbelievably...
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th
Q: What year?
A: Every year
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the crash?
A: Tracksuit bottoms and Reeboks
Q: How old is your son?
A: 38 or 35, I cant remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said when he woke up?
A: He said: ‘ Where am I, Cathy?’
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: Whats your brother-in-laws first name?
A: I can’t remember.
Q: You cant remember?
A: No, I’m too excited. [Points to brother-in-law] Nathan, for Gods sake, tell them your first name.
Q: Have you or your daughter ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: What is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Q: Did you blow your horn before the accident?
A: Sure, I played for ten years.
Q: What is your marital status?
A: Fair
Q: What did your husband do before you divorced him?
A: A lot of things I didn’t know about.
Q: Could you see him?
A: I could see his head.
Q: And where was his head?
A: Just above his shoulders.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
Q: Were you shot in the fracas?
A: No. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.
Q: Gary, all your responses must be oral. OK? What school do you go to?
A: Oral
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: How many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.
Q: What happened then?
A: He told me:’ I have to kill you because you can identify me’.
Q: Did he kill you?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes
Q: And how many were boys?
A: None
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: You say the stairs went down?
A: Yes
Q: Did they go up as well?
Q: Where was your honeymoon?
A: Europe
Q: And you took your new wife?
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No
Q: So it is possible the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No
Q: How can you be so sure?
A: Because his brain was in a jar on my desk.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible he could have been alive and practising law somewhere....