Sacrifices of spouses/families of exJW teachers

by Esmeralda 2 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Esmeralda

  I have tears in my eyes now after reading jukief's posts about the sacrifices that Alan has made to teach us all so much.

  I remember when I made my first tentative post almost 2 years ago on H2O asking questions about custody issues and JW spouses. Alan was the first person who answered my inquiries, offering references for me to look at. It helped immensely.

  I have watched him, Kent, Farkel, Maximus, and most recently of course silentlambs give and give and give and yet it never seems to be enough.

  Now please know that I am not in any way putting myself in a class with these fine folk. They have years and years in at doing this.

  But even just with my dinky little website and membership in some e mail lists and all, I have answered tons of e mails, lost hours beyond counting of sleep, even when my health dictated otherwise. Sacrificing time and fun activities with my husband and child to read, and respond to mail, posts et al.

  Jukie's post has been a wake up call for me. Regardless whether or not I have the emotional stamina to keep up with all of it anymore (which is debatable) I've been stealing too much time from my family.

  My original intention was to get support to help give my daughter a happy life inspite of my ex's trying to indoctrinate her. She is a happy child these days and much less stressed out over JW issues. But lately too many times I have said "We'll play soon honey." when I was spending too much time here.

  So backing off is a good thing, and as larc wisely pointed out, balance is the thing.

  So for lurkers and posters alike I'm moved by jukie's post to say, turn off the computer and go play with your kids. Or your spouse

  I meant for this post to be longer but you know what? I have to go. My daughter wants to have a tea party with her Barbies and I'm invited.

  (jukief's original post is at)

  : http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?site=3&id=14320&page=5
• 

  jukief

  Hi Es.

  I'm sorry that my post upset you. I shouldn't really said those things. It's only occasionally that I get upset about this. But I think you make a valid point; the children can be the ones who suffer. In our case, Alan's daughter has had a rough time with her JW mother. When his daughter decided she didn't want to be a JW anymore and wanted to come live with her apostate father (oh horrors) and his apostate wife, her mother pretty much abandoned her. So she's already lost one parent to the religion and it's really not fair that she lose another one.

  Alan and I have discussed this many, many times over the years we've been together. I know how difficult it is for him. He feel *obligated* to help people, and he gets a lot of satisfaction from it. But at the same time, I see his daughter's pain, and she has been pretty vocal lately about how much she hates all this JW business. It's really hard to know what to do, especially right now when so much is happening in the fight against the WTS. To his credit, Alan has been making a special effort to spend more time with his daughter.

  I think it's very difficult to strike a balance. All any of us can do is try. For my part, I need to try to make up for my stepdaughter's loss of a mother and her father's busy schedule by giving her more attention myself. And I'm trying to do so, even though I am dealing with health problems right now.

  I think we're all in the same boat. Life is busy and complicated. The one thing I *do* feel good about is that my stepdaughter doesn't have to suffer through her teenaged years as a JW. I constantly remind her of that, too. :-)
• 

  Ranchette

  My husband and I both expend alot of time in this ex JW business also.
  There are times that I get sick of it all and move on for awhile.
  When I move on and my husband is still going full steam ahead I sometimes feel angry and jealous.The same happens when the reverse happens.But we still have this in common no matter what and I see that it is not the same with our children.
  They are wanting to leave it all in the past and they can't figure out why we can't.
  I try to explain but it's still hard for them at times.
  We both have to work hard to strike a balance not neglecting one another or the children.
  We are no perfect but all we can do is try.

  I hope our kids are succesful in leaving this all behind and not have this need that we do(I don't know what to call it).I am enjoying introducing them to new experiences, it's good for them and me.

  We just gotta do our best not to loose what's most important to us over all of this.

  Ranchette