What have you Learned?

by KW13 6 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  KW13

  How easy would it be for us all to remain angry all our lives?

  The us that could of been was destroyed before it had a chance to grow, mature and instead was destroyed by the Watchtower Society. Instead of having a whole life to look back on, many years have been tainted and the so called knowledge we were proud to be the owners of does nothing to help us in the real world. We laughed at people, when all the time they were laughing at us.

  Some of us find ourselves feeling like outsiders in everyday situations and on special occasions. Birthdays, Christmas, Easter and all other special occasions serve as painful reminders for either what we missed out on ourselves or what we let our own family miss out on. It might be hard to cope with everyday life, nothing comes easily and second nature just doesn't exist.

  While the Watchtower did make us victims, it also made its own worse enemy. Daily new people discover sites such as this one and new sites like it appear and the so called apostates, regular people are all stronger than the Organization that tried to destroy them. The cult we were all in (and i do not use the word cult lightly) was like an abusive partner, if you dared step out of line there were consequences and some people have even suffered unnecessarily.

  In my opinion what is worse than the suffering is the guilt. We feel guilty for leaving and it seems like it will never go away, we want to try and do the right thing but the Watchtower Society will not listen and at the moment what we need more is someone to listen. Someone that knows what we went through.

  This pain can seem to have no end or limit, but it does.

  What is the first step toward healing? Personally i think we should look for what we have learned and then apply our new knowledge in our life. Live differently to how we did before and if not, live better.

  I have learned that there is no us and them, that nothing is black and white and that we all live in the grey area. That sometimes appearing to have knowledge does not mean something is right.
• 

  prophecor

  You speak words of an old man. Not some nineteen year old. It is very difficult to come to grips with the painful realisation that the majority of the best years of my life, were spent on, not so much chasing a dream, but running away from an ever present nightmare. 17 years in the hole, running from the dread that was Jehovah. How I was unworthy because I was not a dedicated baptised member in good standing. Chasing the dream from year to year. Study, stop, study, stop, do the saftey dance.

  It became so illusive to the point that I figured I may as well just throw in the towel, give up. Besides, I was gonna' be killed off anyway so I might as well do as I pleased. Nothing or no one, not even Jehovah could save me. Then one day, after my 30's kicked in, I figured, maybe I should try to get myself together. I pick up the religion, and was somehow able to pass all the exams that they require you to take in the Hall. I stayed long enough to know that I still was the same person. The rest of those moments were spent, once again outside the Temple Gates. I walked away from it all. I was a phony, and I couldn't see myself serving Jehovah as a fake out artist. I was the same lecherous person that I'd always been before, I merely had a little credebility about my life, now that I was a JW.

  After being outside the Wall for another five to ten years, I found this place, and all the Walls came crashing down over my head. It has been a very disturbing walk for the past 30 plus years. And still, I find the need to be grateful because in all the drama that has transpired in my life, I'm actually a lot better for it. It is the stuff of who I am. It has brought to me, a bit of closure to my whole JW debacle.

  It still hurts like a tooth that needs to be pulled, but I feel I'm so much stronger for having suffered thru the storm. And GOD? He's seemingly been there, all the time. Helping me when I've fallen, being there thru my JW experience, but even more so nowadays, now that I'm out. He's brought me thru, even this.
• 

  KW13

  Your Story was very touching, i am sorry you suffered but i am happy you have made it a positive experience and gained control of everything at a time in your life when many are desperate to find a solution. (mid-life ish'). This isn't a debate about God existing or not and i don't want it to become that, i believe in God and i am glad to see that you haven't been completely robbed of your faith!
• 

  Fleur

  KW13- just wanted to offer this (((((((hug))))))

  I've learned. . .that I'm a hell of a lot stronger than they said I was- they said I'd break. I've come close- but I haven't yet.

  I've learned that those of us who were predicted as doomed to fail by the WTS when we left- are a lot more tenatious of life than that. We hang on.

  Just hang on- and find what makes you, you. Then live it. That's what I've learned.

  luv,

  essie
• 

  KW13

  Its amazing we're even having this discussion because technically were supposed to be weeping and gnashing...but anyway i digress - thank you for the hug :D - its great to see you've come back from the low points and that your still fighting, that is what makes the difference. You cannot lose if you keep fighting, even if your fighting just to keep your head above water.
• 

  Fleur

  Its amazing we're even having this discussion because technically were supposed to be weeping and gnashing...

  I'm supposed to be weeping and gnashing? Gee, I plum forgot!

  Sorry, but my inner smart @ss has kept me alive this long, it's hard to shelve it lol.

  Gosh, KW I remember when you were just new here last time I was around wasn't it- then life sort of happened to me and I was away a long time and here you are- an Emperor! :) And sounding so wise.

  Keep that good head on your shoulders above the watermark, my friend. . .just keep on. Sometimes I have told myself that I had to keep going just to prove all my JW relatives wrong- - -hey, whatever works right? :) So far I haven't run out of reasons to keep going- no matter what those reasons have to be in the moment- if they work, they work.

  You're right though, living wiser, and better- is the best thing we can get from our JW experiences as crushing as they have been/can be.

  hugs again

  essie
• 

  jaguarbass

  Your profile says your 19. Go to school get an education and dont look back. Your too young to be on the pity pot.