I'm Starting a New Religion Too! (Help Me Choose Which Kind)

by new boy 9 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • new boy
    new boy

    It's between one of the following kinds.

    Religion 1

    We have these big churches with lots of money. When we first start the church, we will kill people unless they join.

    In later years there will be...No brith control, No eating meat on Fridays, We will confess our sins to a preist. Sex before marriage is O.K. as long as they are screwing a fellow church member. (2 hail Mary's)

    Oh, by the way the preist can't marry, but they can have sex with our children...we'll look the other way. Only one meeting a week.......People hate meetings. Our meetings will be in Latin (something no one understands) We'll believe in Hell Fire, and infant baptism.....and of course there will be lots of GUILT!

    Religion 2

    We won't have much money in the begining, so we can't kill people unless they join. So we need to make all the followers "go house to house" (yea that's the ticket) looking for really unhappy people. Our message will one of "Good News".....and that will be...God is coming to kill just about everyone. The "Good people" will have what is left of the earth.........and if some of your friends or family get killed my our God.....don't worry our God in his infinate mercy will erase their memories from your mind....our God a really nice guy.....just don't piss him off...........wow .....just like the God in Religion 1

    No hell fire, when your dead your dead, no sex before marriage, no college education (we may change that later) 5 meetings a week.....with no college....most of are people will be really stupid...thats a good thing. They'll need 5 meetings a week...or they my start to guestion...our believes....and if they do you....and change their minds and try to leave us.....we will shun them... oh yes, there will be lots of GUILT!

    Did I leave anything out?........It's going to be really tough to start these religions up....but once they're up and running.....Hay...who knows how big they get........

    What do you think?

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Looking at the established criteria here - ummm, I can't tell a real difference. Why not start one of each and let the people choose?

    Jeff

  • eclipse
    eclipse

    LOL New boy

    (oops, sorry)

  • emy the infidel
    emy the infidel

    Good one! LOL only one little addition:

    or they my start to question...our beliefs....and if they do you....and change their minds and try to leave us.....we will shun them, defame them and impugn their motives... and oh yes, there will be lots of GUILT!

  • zack
    zack

    No hell fire, when your dead your dead, no sex before marriage, no college education (we may change that later) 5 meetings a week.....with no college....most of are people will be really stupid...thats a good thing. They'll need 5 meetings a week...or they may start to guestion...our believes....and if they do you....and change their minds and try to leave us.....we will shun them (cause we can't kill them legally, but we are working on getting the laws changed)... oh yes, there will be lots of GUILT!

  • new boy
    new boy

    Hay....I forgot....everyone needs to give us 10% of their income.....

  • DublDipd
    DublDipd

    They both sound pretty good to me. I would like to suggest a name for the new religion....THE CHURCH OF GODS FINAL THUNDER! (include exclamation point)

    Kinda gets their attention right off the bat.

  • 5go
    5go

    Number 2

    I am a self hating type I couldn't get laid anyway.

  • new boy
    new boy

    I really don't understand...I'm starting one of the most important religions that mankind has ever known...and I only got 149 views how could that be?

    Your faithful slave

  • Qcmbr
    Qcmbr

    You probably need to start by identifying your authority - that will dictate your type of religion.

    Are you borrowing from apostate religion with a new and improved God or are you redefining God in your image?

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