vacuum and hopelessness

by spiritboi 6 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  spiritboi

  Wonder how u guys and gals felt when you found out that the "truth" isn't the truth. Were u happy?

  You know, last nite I couldn't sleep. I wrote a post from 2am to 4am...write, edit, , edit again and again and finally delete everything.

  As I wrote, I remember tears fell...I don't know why I was so emotional then.I am glad I've deleted it,

  Did you guys also felt that vacuum and hopelessness in you when you found out that the beliefs you have had for the past few years (or maybe even 10 or 20 yrs) have been proven false?

  Maybe that is the reason why those witnesses still in the org refuse to listen to us. They just do not want anyone to prove to them that what they are hoping to be true all these years were false!
• 

  Gopher

  I think you're right -- that the JW's still in are afraid "what if we're wrong", but don't want to admit it. That thought crossed my mind when I was a loyal JW.

  For me it was a different experience than you, because I was disfellowshipped but still thought JW's were true for a while. Then after I stopped going to meetings and didn't feel bad about it, then I was relieved to know I really wouldn't have to go back, that I was right for being on the outside.

  I was upset that I lost almost 4 decades of my life to a man-made organization, but there was no gaining back the lost time. I just had to hit the reset button and start over.

  Now I am glad I don't have to go through all the gyrations of being a JW. It's totally unnecessary.
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  blueviceroy

  When you take away everything , what remains?

  What is left after you loose everthing?

  This point of self that is left , this is where you must begin your search for understanding , for solace.

  You will never find the truth outside of yourself , it you look for a thousand years you will not find one thing in the world that is true, but if you spend but a moment looking within to your true nature , looking at the part that remains when evrything is gone,,,,the light will shine
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  Gopher

  When we were JW's we were told what to believe and how to think. Suddenly and violently, we've taken that power away from them.

  Now nobody will tell you what to believe and what to think. Now's the time to find your own true center, as Blueviceroy stated so well. Read up on ideas and philosophies, explore possibilities, become immersed in the search for your answers. We will never again have a false certaintly like we did as JW's. But we can have a mind open to new ways of thought, and a heart open to our real feelings and emotions.
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  dogisgod

  What you said resonates with me. What IS "truth?"???I left the society on my own two decadeds ago and only now am having the balls to address the belief system. I have felt alone and afloat for many years and have only discovered this website recently. I wish this had been there for me. Just keep reading and posting. I am barely 2 steps above where you are. Just keep going. You will find life.
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  spiritboi

  Thank you guys for your advice.

  I think I am making a mountain out of a molehill.

  Only 3 yrs in the "false", compared to uncle Gopher's forty...

  there was no gaining back the lost time.

  That's true. No gaining back and it's no use dwelling on it.

  But we can have a mind open to new ways of thought, and a heart open to our real feelings and emotions.

  Uncle Gopher, thanks for your encouragement.

  and Blueviceroy's

  spend but a moment looking within to your true nature , looking at the part that remains when evrything is gone,,,,the light will shine

  do you mean meditation? If it is, then I've tried several times. But my mind is always active, cannot quiet down . Not even for a few minutes.

  How u do it?

  dogisgod

  "I left the society on my own two decadeds ago and only now am having the balls to address the belief system."

  Why only now? 20 years and u still can't erase the indoctrination?
• 

  VoidEater

  Gopher and Blue as always have the right things to say...

  Yes, it was scary because I had become so dependent on being told what to do - having been raised in "the truth", I had it not only from the congregation of others, but as a way of life from infancy. This is why it was so easy for my abuser to have 12 years of my body all to himself. i only bring that up to show the totality of the control mechanisms in place for me - it was inconcievable that there might be a better life, or that I personally might have a better way to live life. It was all presented as the One True Way, and please No Thinking or Felling On Your Own.

  But I knew there was something more true for me. And the inner revelations that I needed in life did come about after learning to quiet the mind and listen to the inner experience of existing.

  Vipassana meditation starts as a practice of observation. When a thought comes up, observe it, and let it go - as if a leaf on a stream. Get some distance between your thoughts and the observer part of you. Acknowledge each thought, and let it go. Focus, instead, on the experience of breathing. What does it feel like to breathe? Where does the air enter your body, and where does it travel? Take in a slow measured breath, hold it a moment, let it slowly out. If a thought comes up, acknowledge it, and let it go to return to the breath.

  Train your awareness. Notice the thoughts in your awareness. Notice the sensations in your awareness.

  When everything else passes away, yet awareness remains, notice that part of you that is aware, that observes.

  That may be the beginning of an incredible journey...

  I was not entirely empty when I left, though. I was half pushed out by the hypocrisy and the abuse (of many kinds), and the politics (the powerful get away with adultery, the humble get DFed for childish behavior), and half drawn toward the hope of a better life.

  The still small voice within has been a great teacher and guide to a satisfying and authentic life...