Disfellowshipped Son needs opinion UPDATE

by feenx 5 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  feenx

  Hey guys,
  
  In a previous post (http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/146022/1.ashx) I had mentioned talking to my parents about interviewing them for a book. Well I ended up talking to my mother about it today. I had tried calling her last night because I had a recovered memory of abuse come up, and I wanted to ask her a question about it. She didn't answer, but I spoke to her this morning about it. I figured as long as I was talking to her I may as well throw the question out there. She was very receptive and said she absolutely would answer any questions I had, even tough ones, as best she could. She something along the lines that I deserved that much. Or I was owed that much. Something like that.
  
  So she is going to talk to my dad about it. I told her that it may or may not get published, but that I wanted to tape record the conversation and take notes, and that anything they say could one day end up on a book. I told her that the book dealt with my childhood, abuse, her issues, and growing up as a Witness. I didn't get too far into the Witness items that I intend on putting in the book. I figured I'd leave that for a later discussion. But she does know my life as a Witness will be a topic.
  
  She seemed very excited about the book in general, and somewhat impressed that my therapist is personally and professionally backing it. So despite the unpleasant reason for calling her, I at least felt somewhat positive about our exchange in regards to the book. She was actually quite supportive in general. Was very apologetic about not hearing her phone last night, said she will keep it by the bed from now on, asked if there was anything she could do to help. And I'm pretty sure that even if my dad doesn't want to sit down she will be willing to answer my questions still.
  
  So there my update :/ Thanks again to everyone for your support on that last post!
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  I want to say this right. If everything is as it seems in your latest post,
  that is wonderful. But is it possible that it is not as it seems?

  Your mother was "very receptive and said she absolutely would answer any
  questions I had, even tough ones, as best she could. She [said] something along
  the lines that I deserved that much." Does that sound like her? I don't know
  your mother. It doesn't sound like most JW's I know.

  You need to proceed cautiously. Mom may be concerned about you and was
  afraid to say no. She may go to the JW's and ask for advice now. Things may
  change.

  I know nothing of your therapy, but you mention a "recovered memory." You
  are dealing with many issues. Your therapist may have concerns and dreams
  of things that go beyond you. A person with an abusive past and issues of
  recovering memories has many confusions in his life. In my opinion, you should
  consult with another therapist about this. Your first priority is your own
  advancement. Make sure it is your therapist's first priority.
• 

  Shawn10538

  It's interesting how different witnesses interpret "necessary family business." Apparently, this excludes calling a family member and simply telling them they love them once in a while and then hanging abruptly up. This simple act I wager is almost never done by the "faithful" in regards to the disenfranchised. In any case, this is NEVER done to me; it has never been done.
• 

  ush419

  Personally, I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her, she is a dub, unless she recants views put forward by them I would be very careful around her. Repressed memories of abuse, what kind of abuse, abuse by mother, go figure you will gert the truth, she may blame your father and vice versa. Make sure you couselor(s) aren't putting that thought into your head. They tried that with my sister, saying she had probably been abused by her father when she was in 4 grade on., however, little did they know her father didin't even see her after the 3rd grade. So be very careful with who you are dealing with. Her dad my step father was a repressed closet gay person, i felt sorry for him having to live the life he did.
• 

  AGuest

  May you have peace!

  First, I want to say with regard to your mother's responses: Bravo, Mom! She deserves that and I hope you tell her how much you appreciate her taking this risk for you. Contrary to what some here have apparently experienced, blood... CAN be thicker... than "wat..chtower..." I also want to say that unless and until your mother GIVES you some reason not to trust her on this... or on any matter... trust her. She deserves that, too, as does every other human being. Especially if they are a parent or a child.

  There is a mantra that some (many in our culture and society, and apparently a few here) follow, which states that "respect... is earned." Good Lordy, the damage THAT one did during the 40's and 50's!! I will give you another view, however: I have learned that EVERYONE "deserves" my respect... from Day One. No matter who they are. Everyone starts with a "full" cup... 100%... of my respect and regard... and keeps it... unless and until THEY do something to warrant a decrease. And that... is very, very hard to do, if possible at all (there are one or two exceptions, of course). However, a decrease in my respect for a person does not translate into a decrease in my love for them. Contrary to what many may believe, the two are not synoymous.

  Here, we are speaking about your mother, who, I would think, deserves 100% of your respect... and trust... first, simply by reason of the fact that she's your mother, and second, by reason of the fact that she's your sister, and third, by reason of the fact that she's a fellow human being... unless she has personally done something to warrant less, which you don't indicate here (and "trusting the WT" is not necessarily "something" - it may depend on how she wielded that "trust").

  Bottom line: YOU know your mother. None of us here have a clue and so are in NO position to tell you whether you can or should trust what she has said she's willing to do for you... or whether you can't or shouldn't. You, and only you know what you can and should do in that regard. However, even if you do... and it does turn out that she was not fully truthful, so what? Life happens. It does not mean that you can never trust her... or anyone else... again.

  As for those who feel you SHOULDN'T trust your mom, my heart goes out to them... and their pain. I cannot imagine what it must be like to have experienced something so devastating in life that I would tell someone not to trust their own mother... when I know nothing of the woman at all. Such advice must be based on life experience and I am truly sorry as to what may have happened in someone's life to motivate those kinds of feelings.

  I bid you peace... and may JAH bless!

  Your servant, and a slave of Christ,

  SA
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  As for those who feel you SHOULDN'T trust your mom, my heart goes out to them... and their pain. I cannot imagine what it must be like to have experienced something so devastating in life that I would tell someone not to trust their own mother...

  Only one person so far has said not to trust your mother. I didn't suggest distrust.
  Here's what I said:

  Does that sound like her? I don't know
  your mother. It doesn't sound like most JW's I know.

  You need to proceed cautiously. Mom may be concerned about you and was
  afraid to say no. She may go to the JW's and ask for advice now. Things may
  change.

  Your mother may have a deep concern for you, and is afraid to say NO.
  I indicated that the situation may change after she speaks to others, primarily
  your father or the elders. That means that she could be coerced into
  dropping her cooperation.

  I am also deeply concerned that you have repressed memories. If they are
  real memories, the last thing you should concern yourself with is a book getting
  published. You need help first. If they are the type of memory that therapists
  help along (This would all make sense, Feenx, if you were abused a certain way
  and cannot remember it, let's get those memories out) then you need to get a
  view from a different therapist. In either case, I suggest a 2nd opinion because
  of the seriousness of the situation. Don't go to the partner or mentor of your
  therapist. Go outside of his sphere and choose your own, even ask Mom or Dad
  to help with that.

  I will be blunt. I don't put much stock in repressed memories. I put even less
  stock in therapists being gung ho to publish with the full cooperation of the
  patient.
  
  I am not an expert, but I think this is more typical:
  Usually, therapists would publish after obtaining data from a patient.
  The patient would already have faced his demons and the therapist would see
  that publishing now would do no harm.