If not shunned by family, why stay away?

by 4mylove 9 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  4mylove

  I was chatting with a friend that is a very active witness. Lazy, but active. I actually went to school with her brother but she and I have gotten very close these past few years. I asked her how he was and she reminded me that she hadn't heard from him in a while. Of course the conversation went *there*. She said she didn't understand why he didn't come around since her parents have never pressured him into anything.

  He married in a Catholic Church (raised JW). My friend is convinced that the reason he stays away is that he is embarrased that he is not living in the truth anymore. Or she has also said before that for most, once they have been in the truth, when they leave it is hard for them to deal with such a *terrible* society. I had to remind her that I was wordly and of this *terrible* society. I have, in the past, tried to hint that maybe it just wasn't for them, or that maybe leaving any *organization* (cult!) could be pretty difficult but that it seemed more traumatic with this particular faith. The young man in question is a wonderful person. I think he was let down by his faith. I worry about her as much as I worry about my husband.

  So my question is, do those who are not shunned still come around? Or is there world difficult because it is the practices of this faith that make it difficult to be around family? My friend claims that he would be accepted with open arms regardless. But giving the fact that he was raised from a very young age as a witness, could that be what's keeping him away? I know that he could also have other issues not even related to his faith but it just seems like the obvious reason.

  She of course pointed out that she knew I had had problems with my hubbys family and this difficult religion, but that that wasn't an issue in hers because only her mother and her were in the truth. Apparently her father has never practiced.

  On a good and lighter note, my hubby went to the company Holiday party with me this weekend and had a good time. I could tell he was uncomfortable at first, but he has an awesome director and manager that really helped matters.

  Thanks to all the ears out there,

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  4mylove

  bttt
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  sammielee24

  I have a brother-in-law that is disassociated but not df'd. He is not shunned to the extreme (and certainly not to his face, although what is said behind his back is another thing). He has been married and divorced a number of times but the reason he does not go around the family much have nothing to do with being ashamed of being outside the religion. The reasons he does not visit much are numerous but the basic one is that he has been witness to the shunning of friends and other family members and cannot abide the practice. He is very aware of the mindset of JW's and how easily and effectively they dispose of people and that is not a practice that he can condone nor be part of - for that reason, he visits his family out of obligation only - to make sure that everyone is doing alright. He has children that are not JW kids and is also well aware of the feeling and teaching of the organization toward 'worldly' people including family members. To expose his kids to that environment more than necessary would be to teach them to accept hostility and prejudice based on religious viewpoints..and he doesn't condone that either. When a person is free of the cult and has seen all that is wrong, there is no shame in not belonging. There is though a sadness in having to bear witness to the tragedy of a people whose sole purpose is to wait for the next life instead of living this one. sammieswife.
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  flipper

  Sometimes, even if not shunned by family, some feel the need to stay away from JW family because they are so weird in their beliefs ! They don't want to be indoctrinated to, or preached at, as so many JW people take the marketing opportunity with relatives who aren't " in " the faith to try to sell the witness beliefs to them . It makes family gatherings somewhat less family and more , " Oh! no! I'm gonna get preached at today " ! So maybe that helps you understand why some just choose not to be around JW family even though they could ! My JW family knows I won't talk about it or go there with them, so we stay on " safe " subjects like the weather, how the relatives are doing, other topics like that ! Hope that's what you were looking for here
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  garybuss

  How does the Witness family treat other former Witnesses? If they snub them because of their religion or lack of religion, they're bigots. Maybe I don't like hanging out with bigots and people who snub people important to me.
  
  Do the Witnesses initiate contact and invite me to functions the same as Witnesses relatives? Or do they make me initiate contact and segregate me from their Witness friends and other Witness family members? How do they treat me? Are they condescending or arrogant?
  
  If they don't initiate contact, if they segregate me, or if the're self righteous, any one of those is offensive to me and I don't go out of my way to see offensive people.
  
  Another thing is, I don't like stepping over dead bodies to visit people and I'm not good at walking on egg shells when I visit people.
  
  
  
  
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  Gringa

  For my own personal experience, I stayed away because they make you feel guilty and they never stop trying to bring you back to the faith. It gets OLD.....every topic turns into a sermon right down to which fast food restaurant is the best, somehow they can turn it around.
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  dawg

  I have no answer to your question, just wanted to remark how proud I am of your bravery.
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  4mylove

  Thank you all.
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  4mylove

  Dawg,

  You helped me get there. By reading your posts and others posts, I've gotten well....ballsy when it comes to this subject. It was the only aspect of my life where I sometimes have to hold back due to the love I have for my hubby. One day, he'll see the real truth,

  thanks buddy

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  nomoreguilt

  There were 4 of us siblings, all raised in the truthby our mother. Our father never came to the point of baptizm, saw all the hypocracy. I have a younger brother, he's 52, that never became a jw.He was married twice and divocred twice and has been living with same woman now for many years. He also wouldn't come around the rest of the family, for one main reason. HE HATES THE TRUTH!!! Absolutely detests it. He got a whole lot smarter than I did sooner.He hated our mother until the day she died because as a youth he was forced to attend the meetings etc. According to him she ruined his youth, I can understand that. IT'S NOT EASY BEING RIDICULED ALL YOUR YOUNG LIFE FOR BELIEFS FORCED UPON YOU AS A CHILD. Anyways, we went to the funeral of my nephew last year, he was dedicated but fell away a number of years ago. 34 years old. Shame. So, during the funeral talk, held at the funeral home, my kid brother starts commenting, OUT LOUD ,mind you at varying intervals. BS, f this f that plus many other fine adjectives. My wife and I were sitting next to him the whole time and I almost broke out laughing it was so hilarious. Disrespective mind you, but funny. I would have loved to have supported him openly in front of my family. There is alot of pent up anger in many jws and and former jws and they just don't know how to express it to active family members.