"The measure of TRUE friendship"

by nomoreguilt 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  nomoreguilt

  It has been said that if you can count the number of friends you have on one hand, you are fortunate.Figures of speech in the org are "The Friends". This being the case in a "BROTHERHOOD of LOVE", then the statement I cited is debunked, is it not? Wouldn't we therefore need thousnads of hands, an infinite number of FRIENDS? People that we could truly count on in our worse times of need, we could lay our burdens on them is strict confidance. True friends would be loving and kind, always looking out for our needs, putting aside their own selfsih interests.

  The reason I bring up this subject, is that I read so many posts about how many friends you all have. I, personaly, am blessed to have 2. My wife of 4 years and my dear buddie who has been there for me for 30 years. He is a former jw, wants nothing what-so-ever to do with them again. he has gone so far as to tell me he isn't really interested in logging on here. He and his wife have been abused to no end by them and it is a sad story that they lived with the "FRIENDS".

  I believe that it is necessary to QUALIFY just who our friends really are, and not QUANTIFY them. For example. Who of these friends that you have, can you in confidence, tell them that you , say, were having an affair? He or she knows your wife, you live in each others pockets, so to speak. What does a true friend in this case? Take into consideration that he/she knows your family life, marital intricasies, all of that good stuff. Is he/she truly your friend, and how does he/she show it? How many of these so called "FRIENDS" can you lay your heart out to? Where does understanding and forgiveness come into play before they narc on you. And will they narc on you? Forget this keeping the cong. clean crap, ARE THEY REALLY YOUR FRIEND??

  Do the elders consider all in the cong. to be their FRIEND? Have you ever tried to pursue an elders' friendship? I mean to be his pal, his buddie, throw a few back, yuck it up? I tell you, personnaly I have. And what did I get for my efforts? Their emotional make-up, formed by the wts will not allow them to deviate into the realm of being a real person. Sure, they put on a good front, laugh at small talk, eat a meal with you with others around, but they will not be YOUR FRIEND!

  I could go on and on with this subject, but I will give leave because I know that there are MANY of you here that need to expound on this matter.

  Again, you are fortunate if you can count the number of TRUE friends you have on one hand.

  I have.......and AM........nomoreguilt
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  WTWizard

  Have you ever tried to pursue an elders' friendship? I mean to be his pal, his buddy?

  That worked maybe with one of them. I could be nice to his kids, keep them entertained at the boasting sessions, and even help him out with the kids and he would appreciate it. It was the other hounders that trashed that.

  Another one tried to pursue my friendship, at least the appearance of it. All he wanted was to make sure I was in that cult for life. He was the one that told me to just meet men at a$$emblies, after his predecessor arranged for me to be rejected at a$$emblies. I do not count either one of those hounders, both of whom were instrumental in busting up the one whose family I actually felt drawn to, as friends.

  For sure, I do not count as a true friend someone that would pull sxxx like that. Nor is it a true friend if all they want to do is hound, arm-twist, and force me into doing things that are not to my best interests. They like to use the illustration of the "friend" that just wants you to start smoking. I am now going to throw it back in their faces: No "friend" that just wants me to start pioneering, to donate all my money to the Worldwide Pedophile Defense Fund, or to stay single and join the Ministerial Training "School(??)" and accept assignments that would not suit me and would be impossible, a friend. Plus, what kind of friend is it if they break it off solely because you believe in another religion, or none at all, or do something that breaks one of the many rules?
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  Marjorie

  I would like to say that I practise unconditional friendship.

  But I don't.

  I will not befriend someone who practises pedophilia. Or anyone that aids or abets a pedophile. On that point, I am inflexible. Or someone who is cruel to people and animals. Or a racist. Will not happen in my book, unless that person learns empathy. There is a saying: 'A true friend knows all your faults, and is still your friend'. For the most part, I believe that is true. And a true friend will help you overcome your shortcomings. But that saying does not help the WTS. I know too many of its dirty little secrets. One was bad enough, but there is a whole torrent of them, with no end in sight.

  How many of these so called "FRIENDS" can you lay your heart out to? Where does understanding and forgiveness come into play before they narc on you. And will they narc on you? Forget this keeping the cong. clean crap, ARE THEY REALLY YOUR FRIEND??

  Jesus said that a slave is not greater than its master. You know what kind of master the WTS is. How can you expect its drones to behave any differently? But try to remember that these people are in a cult, and therefore most of them don't know how to carry on a healthy relationship. Or through indoctrination, have forgotten how. But look in the Bible at the example of Jesus. Jesus would not behave in this manner. The Society cannot claim to be the exclusive mouthpiece of God, since it refuses to follow in the footsteps of His Son. They go beyond scripture. And still, as I write this, I know of several elders who are kind to me and my family. They are kind to everyone. They are truly friends. So you see, not everyone toes the party line 100%. But those people are few and far in-between.
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  momzcrazy

  I have 2 friends in the real world. Husband and a friend in Idaho. We've been close for 18 yrs.

  I have my friends here on the board who support me in all things regarding leaving JWland. I can joke with them, empathize with them, trade horror stories and offer my support in their path to freedom. I can honestly say their support have been vital in my own path. I would love to be able to count them as my real world friends and will if the chance comes along.

  I also have my family, my sister, brother, sis-in-law and a niece-in-law who I consider friends.

  Friends are treasures.

  momz
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  cluless

  Longevity and being friends is what I share with my wife. 17 years of longevity and friendship and growing together. Having a child together and sometimes we hurt eachother.

  True friendship. I look back with fondness on special people with love...So many years have passed and we have lost contact. But for variouse reasons my love and respect for them has grown 10 fold.

  They are true friends who belong in a time and a place that is in the past. I remmber them.

  Even today I have true friends...Even (Especially ) because I dont deserve them.

  Have I ever been a true friend to anybody. Yes because true friends have accepted me for being a lousy friend and never given up on me.

  The measure of true frienship. A silly example but Christmas cards come from people who remember me and maybe if I wasnt so lasy and uninterested I would have rememberd them.
  

  T
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  compound complex

  Dear nomoreguilt,

  I hope that you will find many more true friends, whether they be
  in the flesh or cyber. It takes time and persistence but pays big
  dividends.

  CoCo
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  llbh

  Hi nomoreguilt,

  Searching question. this and intimate

  I have 3 close friends . I could tell them anything i believe and they would listen. They understand me mostly. If I rang them up with a problem I think that they would do all they could to help. i know that I would for them

  I have 3 children who are friends. very different, i do not think they tell me everything - but they could and they know that.

  Since leaving the wts i did and do find it difficult since it like beginning courting again. learning about the limits of what is acceptable . Do you pick up intuitively on each other which for me is important, it adds to the frisson and and dynamics of a relationship.? Humour in its guises adds and conveys energy.

  Everyone that i have interacted with here has been polite and kind to me. My own history is widely known and must put in my biography.

  Close friends are precious. I left them when i joined the wts.

  regards llbh