Does it play a role in choosing one's partner or significant other?
Do you believe that someone with low (or high) self esteem would deliberately choose someone in that very category because it made them feel more comfortable?
Self esteem ....
by Frequent_Fader_Miles 8 Replies latest social relationships
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erynw
I think it would be tough for polar opposites to maintain a lasting relationship.
I guess it would have to be a balancing act.
There may be times when one partner's self-esteem drops and the other partner helps to bolster their mate's self esteem.
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Frequent_Fader_Miles
I think it would be tough for polar opposites to maintain a lasting relationship.
True, and we all have had bouts of "the blues" from time to time when we may not be feeling so good about ourselves. I believe that's a normal part of life.
But (for example), someone with chronic low self esteem or someone who always has a poor perception of their own self worth (although it may be a wrong perception) ... would they deliberately hook up with a "basket case" so they won't have to leave their comfort zone?
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William Penwell
I have comment here but I am not sure if this is where I should vent this or start a new post. I was raised as a JW and I have been away from it for a number of years now. I am still finding I have problems with self esteem as growing up as a JW we were ingrained to have such low self esteem and being too introverted. This is coming as a problem with myself to maintain relationships as I still come off as wanting to please too much and scaring off any potential mate. I also find it difficult to socialize with others in large groups. I have read lots of self help books etc.. and hopefully I will improve in this area. Just wondering if others on here have had the same problems?
Will
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R.Crusoe
I believe that millions of people end up in a wrong partnership due to low self esteem which ends up magnifying the problem. If that's the case for both involved resulting in poor communication - it's a lose-lose scenario!
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katiekitten
I know of a low self esteem woman who is married to a handsome successful wealthy self assured man, and she is paranoid all the time that he is going to leave her. She texts and phones him constantly every time he goes out. My partner works closely with him and tells me that hes really loyal, not a bit flirtatious and never looks at other women.
I saw this man for the first time the other day and he really is jaw droppingly good looking. I would imagine his wifes low self esteem must wear him down.
I would think we tend to go for people who dont scare us, and if we have low self esteem we would be intimidated by someone with high self esteem, and we might constantly wonder why they were with us, and perhaps unconsciously sabotage the relationship.
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R.Crusoe
In relationships it depends on aspirations. Many who are after a soulmate in a relationship are not always wanting to be one. Many who want dinner never want to cook it! And no matter how attractive one person is, they can make the other feel unique if they are interested in their self esteem and confidence. When one person has an ego or high opinion of themselves - often understated - it is usually fed and watered by them needing confirmation and attention via flirtatious behaviours which may be insignificant respecting infidelity, but very obvious for their own view of themselves to be maintained as above that of their partner. Many couples are not soulmates because one of them finds it restrictive, even though they know they have a potential soulmate in the other, whom they know is devoted to that ideal and fulfills that aspect of their ego, until maybe opportunity arises to aquire a better alternative! IMHO. There are many examples and combinations of personalities. I think it all boils down to soulmate bonding. If it isn't a two way thing at least one is likely to slowly implode unless they are getting lots of outside attention.
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William Penwell
Well put R. Crusoe,
Unless both are putting something into the relationship, it won't work out no matter how much you may have in common. What I read about the flirtatious person is that they have a self esteem issue. It is very hard on the other partner feeling that he/she are inadequate when in reality this may not be the case. The grass is always greener on the other side. I quite playing those games when I was 16 because you are never going to be the best looking, smartest or riches person. So you are only trying to match up to some set standard or expectations that someone else has set.Does this all sounds too familiar? We can only be better than we were not better than what someone else is...
Will
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mentalclearness
Yes I think if you have low self esteem you subconsciously look for someone who you feel you are deserving of. Hence ususally someone with low self esteem as well. Or doesn't have the qualities that you probably would feel you deserved if you had high self esteem. So you end up with losers, addicts, cheaters, or men who don't like working....just to mention a few character traits.....