As I approach my 40's ...

Ancient One

Once I passed 35 and as I approach my 40s I find that I'm really starting to enjoy myself and being true to myself, way more than teenagers even though they would like everybody to think otherwise.
For example, one of the first things to go into oblivion was being concerned what people think about me. It is really easy to shake off unhealthy relationships with people as if they never were instead of toiling and desperately trying to make them work (I'm not talking only about intimate relationships but any). When I was a teen that would not be given even a second thought because the only measure of your worth is what your 'friends' think of you, right?

I don't care if my friends share my taste in music, what kind of literature I read or what they think about things I spend money on. I find it fascinating now that all teens want to almost be lookalikes, think the same, act the same, go to the same parties, so on and so forth. They would surely make perfect model citizens in the Orwellian world. No wonder so many sects and organizations target youths. Because if they can make them believe in some sick worldview, the game is on. Masters have got perfect pawns who surrendered hearts and minds
I know, I know teens reading this will say 'what a bullshit' forgetting, of course to explain what drives them to choose certain music, clothes, shoes, language they use and ultimately think. How come so much of that is the same right across the board for you and your friends? It really can't be that all of you have the same genes and/or likes and dislikes.

I mean, hell, I would find it really weird if every friend I've got would be reading history books listening to Luciano Pavarotti and spent his/her time visiting museums and archaeological dig sites. Ok, maybe one or two close associates but all of them??!! No way, how weird would that be?!
I find it absolutely, pleasurable to have a frined who is a linguist, another who is boat-builder, another who is a policeman, another who is a judge, another who is a gym instructor etc. Apart from the linguist friend not one listens to Pavarotti and absolutely none of them shares my fascination with history, but who cares.

So yes, I think it may well have something to do with us growing older. These are just some examples but I'm sure rest of you could fill many more, which I'd really love to hear about.

castoff

Good Lord,AncientOne, I'm looking at 50 soon, you're just a kid!

It is very true that you get to shake off a lot of shit as you get older.

Gopher

Good post, Ancient One. I don't know if everyone who gets older would agree with your assessment, but I do. When we get older, perhaps we become more confident, and don't tolerate relationships with people who wish to put us down or take away joy. And we can adopt a greater appreciation of friends with different interests.

For me, leaving the JW's behind was a big help in learning to be true to myself. The JW's emphasize meaningless self-sacrifice for whatever the leaders wanted. I'm all for sacrifice, only if I can see that it will be appreciated and useful (which it often wasn't in the world of the JW's).

Cindi_67

Ancient:

I think it happens to more people than we think. I was molested when I was about 4 years old. I never told my mother, and I grew up thinking that doing what others want you to do was the way to have them love you. I was a crowd pleaser, never a leader always a follower. Had many unfortunate relationships but inside myself I wanted to do what was right. I grew up within the JW's, and, as you know, there you have to do what your are "counseled" and have to think about what others think, instead of doing what you feel is right. I always did that; never questioned any of the teachings, just went with the flow.

At the Hall I had a few friends, we were a nice group of teenagers. The ones who were baptized will get the better attention, so I got baptized. After that the ones that enrolled to become pioneers will get all the Theocratic Ministry School assignments and the Service Meeting presentations, so I became a pioneer. Always to be part of the group.

I came to my senses right on my late 30's. I took off that mask I wore my entire life, and said no more. No more keeping my mouth shut when I didn't like something, learned to say NO when I didn't feel like doing something and stopped with the nonsense of believing just to please others. Now I am 40, still struggling, because it is not easy to shake off years of conditioning and teachings that have always been the only thing I have known. But I feel a lot better than I used to. I went through depression and a lot of guilt, but it's gotten better.

So yes, most people feel better about themselves after the mid 30's, experience and getting tired of the same old crap. We are still young but mature enough to plainly give a crap.

Great post. I needed that.

leftbelow

Amen to that I really think it is a big reason so many in that age group leave the Org.

cluless

As Mark Twain said or was it Oscur Wilde.

"When we get to 21 we are all the same age"

On the friends topics I STARTED A POST "Calling all Scandinavians"

NO REPLYS YET MY POSTER FROM FINLAND.

blueviceroy

The flower of clarity grows best in an well established garden.

The "fertilizer" of our past enables rapid and profound growth if we integrate it well into the soil of our being. (self acceptance = freedom and love)

BluesBrother

Still a youngster - Ancient One (spoken as one who can well remember the fifties,)

But as you say as one gets older it is less important to have others agree with your tastes and opinions. Vive la Difference!!

As I approach my 40's ...

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