JW’s don’t celebrate holidays or birthdays…

by Elisabeta 9 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Elisabeta
    Elisabeta

    or participate in numerous other "worldly" things but they do seem to be ok with committing Adultery...

    Maybe for the sole purpose of getting out of a marraige, who knows... I didn't think I was ever that bad, my kids say while there were moments that I was bad - he always "one upped me" - made my behavior justified.

    In any case I am sure everyone here knows that JW's are a religious group of people that knock on your doors many days. Mostly on the weekends when your trying to sleep in or participate in some "indoor sports", lol...

    They give literature and preach a big story but then who knows what is going on with the JW's when they are at their own Homesteads.

    Seems very hypocritical to me and what excuses do they use, it was the spouses fault of course. The spouse to blame is usually the wife, because everyone knows that the JW's men / husbands are always right.

    They also like to say it was because they "fell away from Jehovah" but really it seems like if it was the truth and you know it, were raised in it, it should be enough a part of you that you can control yourself from doing stupid things.

    Things like hurting your wife, traumatizing your children and then cheating. Of course that's just my opinion. What do I know I was never baptized in this religion, so I am still kind of an outsider in some respects.

    Of course, I am also enough of an insider to have seen things done that shouldn't have over the last 20+ years and not just in my immediate family either.

    In any case, the husbands are the head of the Homestead. In charge of everything from income, spirituality and entertainment.

    Of course even if you are the good little woman for many years and try your best to put up with their hypocrisy. You will find later that it all gets thrown in your face, any effort you made was never good enough.

    You will hear how, instead of staying home with the kids like originally agreed upon, they would have preferred for you to work your butt off making money, doing the house work, etc., (basically everything you do and everything they did) so they could have sat on their...

    We had sick kids and I home schooled them for quite a while, I have only in recent years been able to sit on my arse alot and yes I did take advantage of it way too much. I also have Epilepsy, so my health has not always been really great in recent years but I guess cause I am not practically falling over dead I must not be sick enough to recieve any consideration from the spouse.

    In the scheme of things I think excessive PC use, lack of housework and cooking weighed against Adultery is like comparing apples and oranges, and we wont even mention the incident in '99 will we o.O

    All the JW men want their "Stepford Wives" with a bible in hand of course and meanwhile God forbid (or should we say Jah forbid) that the wife isn't happy, isn't getting her "just due" as they say, do you think the Head of the Homestead would try harder to make her happy.

    No of course not! She should just be happy with what she has, be thankful she has something, do what she is told and obey the master of the Homestead. No matter how rude and obnoxious he is - oh but wait that wouldn't be conducive to a JW's personality or any other "Christian type persona" now would it???

    The minute the wife stops being the good little woman, her husband, who is suppose to have been the spiritual head of the Homestead, should try to figure out what is wrong and fix it, but he doesn't do that, he just goes out and commits his act of Adultery. Then blames his lack of self control on his wife.

    The wife, feeling guilty for her wrong doings even tho they are fairly trivial in comparison to her spouses, says hey, we have a family - lets try for loving the sinner and hating the sin.

    (Invite him back to try to keep the family together and keep him from sinning and catching a disease from the Irish Biotch whose probably making the rounds with all the men in area... she's recently divorced what's she got to loose.)

    but...

    What does the JW husband do, he keeps on sinning, causing further damage but also continues to blame his wife for all her wrong doings, more apples and oranges, night and day...

    Now if you asked an Elder JW who is like the priest / preacher of the congregation of JW's, what they thought, here's what you would likely get. They would say you didn't go to enough meetings, do the work of Jah enough, etc., but sometimes that doesn't matter either...

    The incident in 1999 happened at a time when our family was attending meetings, that's when things slowed quite a bit for us.

    Additionally, I have talked with younger members who are no longer in the religion that said how both the wife / mother and children were treated, spoken to, etc., = not very uplifting, spiritually or otherwise.

    I didn't write this to advocate either the love or hate of this religion. I wrote it for those that either follow the religion or don't but who may have this view that JW's are always a nice bunch of people.

    You may think they are always Law abiding, non-violent, & biblical; maybe just a little irritating early on Saturday morning but be warned.

    Please be careful, you never know what your getting into with anything, but especially this one, a smile and a kind voice might not always stay that way.

    I also want to warn the Irish Biotch who was the partner in crime, I have a feeling you are a user and you lied and you will get yours, if you stay with the JW male in question you will get used in return.

    I don't really care if you get used and abused or care about your loss because of the wrong you two did, you both deserve whatever you got for all that you did and continue to do.

    You should be aware though that he has already told me he doesn't love you, he said you make more money than him and you guys "would be set" if he stayed with you. Go figure, my JW spouse was just a Gigolo all along :P

    Oh he probably feels bad for the "pain" he has caused you but it took two to tango and one day he will realize he didn't do it to you, even so there is some guilt there but it's not love.

    Do you think if he was so into you he would have been keeping it a secret, gimme a break it was an affair, you were just someone to cry too, a piece of arse that went horribly wrong for the rest of us, why don't you go find your next victim, crawl under a rock or something, move on down the line honey... even if he didn't come back to me, even if I wanted him... my kids deserve their fathers income way more than you.

    Also I'd hate for you or especially your kid to be around when his guilt turns to resentment and your money doesn't do the trick or the next time he gets really angry. Maybe one day you'll question him too much, he'll get pissed and do worse to you than he did to me or maybe to your kid. I am sure your ex, the kids father wouldn't appreciate your choices. Wonder where he will be if you can't work or loose your job - lol. You know as a woman, even the rejected one, I think I'd rather see the cash going toward my children and not to a piece of arse. Especially one who will likely screw around behind your back as well.

    Of course it is your life and you can live it or not - however you choose. I know I should have expected it, he did it to his first wife, yes he's been married before, and then there was PIA back in 1999 / 2000, no confirmation for sure but he probably did her too. Pia was married & Pia's husband kicked JW males butt up & down the front of a Publix plaza. JW male was actually pleasent to live with for while, up until late last year... hmmm...

    He keeps saying he can't come back home cause he'd look like a fool - not cause he didn't want to - so it's his pride keeping him away - not you and really he is not the fool if he comes back home but then I am not holding my breath on that one. He also said even if he didn't stay with you that our kids were older now and what was the point in coming back, it's true our kids are older but I wonder if Jehovah would appreciate his reasoning.

    Oh, if you ever get in with the family, you'll get to meet another cheater, used some of the same lame excuses to explain his actions too - God (or Jah) you got love it don't you... I kind of feel bad for my in laws, I am sure in between the whistling at the kids like dogs and throwing shoes at them, they tried real hard to raise them right, even the one brother that is...

    Well, I hate to mention it cause then some people on the web will think I am hating on certain orientations and sexual preferences and that's just not me... I love everyone - except liars, cheaters, child molesters, rapists, etc., oh and HYPOCRITES...

    Finally, I was never baptized or raised in it, I can only say I have studied with them. Of course I have studied many religions off and on, it's kind of a hobby of mine. I think it's good to have the knowledge so you can actually talk to different people, in the end you need to respect their views as well and that is so not a JW theme.

    I currently do not consider myself a member of any JW congregation and that is likely to stay that way, maybe until I find a congregation with a better view toward honesty and not so much hypocrasy. I would be happy to discuss this and other JW related topics further if anyone is interested - in a purely informative / conversational NON Preachy way of course :P

    Just remember with JW's sometime the truth is only about their biblical views and not about telling the truth or behaving in a biblical way. In that case they like to keep the truths about themselves hidden.

    This entry was based from some of my own personal experiences of being in a family of JW's, I tried to be as polite as I could but many wounds are still fresh and I didn't even include everything, it would have been even longer. I have only attended Memorial Services for the last 7 years or so and was considering returning to better devote my time to Jehovah before July 2007, when my JW spouse left me and the girls. Even despite all the issues within the family and various congregations we have attended, I was still thinking about it but at this point, all things considered, I can't see myself going back and our daughters have become so dissapointed in their father that I don't think they will go back either.

    Laters & thanks for reading ALLLLLLL this if you did :P

  • sosad
    sosad

    Good for you!!!! You know - probably you always knew it was aload, but now you are ready to admit you know!!! The truth about the truth is terrible, isn't it. There are many families that have experienced what you have - move on, move on, move on.

    You sound like an incredible woman and I can't wait to see what you and your girls do in the next year(s).

    Find a professional to talk to - for both you and the girls, keep writing (you're very good and it is helpful!) and move forward.

    little steps, little steps, little steps =big steps

  • WTWizard
    WTWizard

    Not only do they often do adultery, but the structure virtually forces them to. That is the only way out of a bad marriage, which they are often pressured into without giving it a test spin (which would have been fornication). Throw in a little stagnation and abuse, and pretty soon you have an unbearable situation. Sooner or later, adultery is going to happen.

    And, it is that much worse when the person they do adultery with is a child. Very often, the hounders will use a hounding call as a blind to do this. They will get the child separate from the parents, and then molest the child. Then they will silence the victim under threat of getting disfellowshipped for "slander". There is never a second witness to the event. To me, that is just as much adultery (assuming the pedophile is married) as would be fornication with an adult.

    Can't celebrate Christmas, but can create a situation that is going to lead to adultery and pedophilia. Hmm.

  • momzcrazy
    momzcrazy

    Welcome. This is a great place to heal.

    momz

  • hillbilly
    hillbilly

    90% of the JW's are pretty solid folks with a screwwwy cult for a religion... the 10% who are out there are OUT THERE.

    I can see how some cheat..Adultury will get a man out of a marriage... adultury and "spiritual" endangerment (then wait on Hubby to do the deed) will get a woman out.

    ~Hill

  • mentalclearness
    mentalclearness

    I'm sure you'll find many women on this forum who have had a similar experience. Yes adultery is common among witnesses although many will probably never find out thanks to the counseling of the brothers to forgive and forget. I also had a husband who cheated on me. The best advice I can give you (seeing as how I've been in your shoes) is accept the fact, learn and move on. Your children and you deserve so much better.

  • babygirl75
    babygirl75
    90% of the JW's are pretty solid folks with a screwwwy cult for a religion... the 10% who are out there are OUT THERE

    I have to agree with this statement.

    Also, men are not the only ones that cheat. Woman do as well. From my experience there is always two sides to the story that can lead to adultry. For many it is the way to "buy your ticket" out of a unhappy marriage and to leave the org.

    The best you can do for your self and your children is to let go of your anger and resentment and move on to make a happy life for you and your kids. If you allow yourself to hold on to the anger, you are allowing him to continue to hold power over you.

  • dogisgod
    dogisgod

    Welcome. I am not getting some of this but that's okay. What happened in 99?

  • tika
    tika

    Welcome Elisabeta!

    I was never baptized either, but with a DH who was raised in the religion and several active inlaws, I feel the sting of hypocracy on an almost daily basis. Best wishes to you and your girls, you deserve a better life! tika

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    Welcome Elisabeta!

    I read your post, sounds like you have had a rough time. For which I am extremly sorry.
    But please dont tar ALL Jw's with the same brush.... All of them are truly not adulterers.

    They are ALL misguided .I was for 25 years. But there is some truly good folk in there. Blind Yes! but Good.
    Try to remember we were warned NOT to believe all men told us./& women
    Also remember the way we judge others is the way we will be judged. Your hurt & yes I have been there also I too was devastated when my husband committed adultery...DEVASTATED!!!
    Which is what you are by the sounds of your letter. I do hope you DONT return to the Kingdom Hall
    Because it is a false teacher & can be proven time & time again. God Bless my dear
    Keep your chin up & remember ,so many on this board are having the same sufferings because of a wolf in sheeps clothing (((HUG))

    Granny/Mouthy/Grace

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit