OK, so I have had a few beers tonight with my Everlovin' in the pub, but Her Ladyship has just pointed out to me that tomorrow - Sunday - Channel 4 at 9pm are airing a documentary about Amish teenagers.
The review in The Times refers to something called a rumspringa . Thinking that this must be some sort of cocktail, I decided to search the web for some guidance as to what the term rumspringa refers to. Apart from learning that Americans are referred to as the "English" (!!!), I learned that rumspringa is a time for making choices, a chance to have a taste of life outside the Amish circle.
Please read this through and tell me if you think that young JW's might not benefit from a similar provision if they only had the choice:
Good advice transcends time and space; great advice transcends cultural boundaries. When someone once said, "Chose your mate well for from that decision will come ninety percent of your happiness or misery" he or she probably didn't know that the Amish community could not agree more. While the Amish community's purpose in marriage is to create children who will support and perpetuate their church values and doctrines, they know that it takes more than just any man and woman to make a lifetime marriage work. The Amish believe that a man and woman must be compatible partners for a good and functional marriage in the Amish ways and thus they encourage young people to realize that their lot in life significantly depends on whose partner they become. The Amish know that being endogamous, or expecting their young people to find and marry that one compatible partner within the community can be challenging, especially now with post-agrarian working out, so they do their best to guide their young people in the decision making (Class notes, 10-07-99).
Dating is the infrastructure of the community that helps begin mate selection. Dating, also known as "rumspringa" or "running around," is an important facet of young Amish life. From the age of fourteen, the Amish young people spend many weekend and winter evenings at singings, husking bees, and working bees, but not just for the social activity or as an entertainment outlet for extra energy (Class notes, 9-28-99). Running around, in the pre-teen and teen years, helps the Amish forge their identities, contemplate the future, decide if they want to join the church and remain Amish, test cultural boundaries, and curb natural curiosities. It serves as a sort of cleansing mechanism that helps them explore their questions and doubts, and it is wholeheartedly approved by the church as a necessary step to maturing. As the young people enter their late teens or early twenties, running around becomes more focused on selecting a mate.
Instead of large group activities and settings, the Amish may "go steady" or court one particular person so that of friendship becomes a couple that explores the possibility of marriage. This exclusiveness provides one-on-one attention for two young people to confirm that their significant other exhibits four crowning virtues the community encourages in potential partnerships: hard working, faithful church member, lifelong compatibility, and good parenting material. In addition to these virtues the Amish, who believe that matches are "made in heaven," may look for divine guidance (Class notes 9-28-99).
This guidance can be seen in the novel Katie by Clara Miller. When Katie returns home after three years of working in the Ozarks and finds that Mark has remained Amish and unmarried she wonders if this is perhaps why she knew to return then, and considers to some degree that these "heavenly vibes" might signal divine encouragement to pursue marriage with Mark (Miller 258, Class notes 9-28-99).
When the mate search and selection process is underway, it is recommended and encouraged that couples also sort out all of their expectations, differences, priorities, and approaches to life and come into agreement about what these would be if they married. By the time the transition of marriage starts, squaring things away should be done. The church smiles upon this practice for if things are smoothed over during courtship then the transition to marriage responsibilities is easier. In Rosanna of the Amish by Joseph Yoder, Rosanna and Cristli were determined from the start of their marriage to wisely manage their time, money, and resources (Yoder, 179). For example, Cristli and Rosanna agreed to a dinner-bell ringing system that would ensure the food would be hot and inviting when they sat down to eat. Through agreements such as this, both marriage partners start on the "same page" based upon agreed expectations, and can focus on their responsibilities.
The Amish do know their young people may have questions and concerns to raise as they begin to get serious about a particular person and as a community they embrace this as a time to guide their young people in the decision making. In the August 1999 issue of Young Companion, a feature section entitled Can You Help Me? includes an excerpt from a letter from a young Amish woman reader called "Needing Advice" with concerns that exemplify some of the age old and a relatively new challenge of the mate selection process. She writes:
My parents taught us children that it is very important to help other families in our community. Whenever someone asked for a maid or for other help, we shifted at home so that we could spare someone to go. Now in my lower 20's, I am dating a young man who has been brought up quite differently. His parents feel it is not necessary to take time off from your job to go to a barn raising. Would we be wise to quit going with each other since we have been raised so differently? (2)
Among the suggested considerations given by Young Companion Amish editors' and readers was of course the need to iron out differences before pursuing marriage, but also two other considerations that share a common thread, the reality of post-agrarian working out.
In the mid to early part of this century not all members of the Amish community could afford to buy and maintain farms, and thus they began to work at alternative, non-farm jobs. The basis of the community had always been strictly agrarian ways, so this was a big adjustment the Amish made to survive economically. Now that a generation or two has lived in a semi-agrarian or post-agrarian community working out proves to be a new challenge in the mate selection process. For purposes of clarity, the names John and Elizabeth will be used for "Needing Advice" and her boyfriend. It will be assumed John's father worked out while Elizabeth's farmed to explore the two Young Companion considerations, upbringing and mutual aid, and how working out affects both.
First, it is important to remember that even within the same community, Amish children will be raised differently. One set of parents may have emphasized one value over another, or understood its importance differently from another set, though this does not make them any better or more biblical than any other family (Young Companion "A Minister from the Midwest," August 1999). In dating, differences in upbringing will surface and should not be shied away from as impossible situations. Marriage, or the joining of two backgrounds, can be an opportunity for two people to adopt the best of both backgrounds into their own discipline. If Elizabeth was raised on a farm, she probably was reared by both parents with very traditional farm based Amish values. If John's father worked out, perhaps only his mother reared the children in not so traditional farm-based circumstances. While Elizabeth enjoyed having her father near everyday, perhaps John's father was rarely around and never had the chance to be much of a male role model. If Elizabeth cannot accept things being any different from the way she was raised, she needs to find someone who also wants to raise children in those ways.
Since it can be assumed John himself would work the land if he could, it is not surprising that one response in Young Companion asks Elizabeth to consider if she would be a compatible partner to someone who will always work out of the home. The Amish community is finding that fathers who work out have less influence on bringing up their children, so if Elizabeth doesn't want to bring up her own children alone while he's off working, she needs to partnered with someone who can be around.
Second, in the Amish society the practice of mutual aid and sharing feeds their community interdependence. Based on scripture, mutual aid is a desired attribute that people deny self and go out of the way to fill someone else's need unless it creates a bigger need at home. If Elizabeth's father was a self-employed farmer who could set his own schedule, raising a barn probably was a matter of putting off some work until the next week, but if John's father worked for a non-Amish employer perhaps taking time off was a frowned upon policy to start, so he never went to barn raisings and the likes. Elizabeth found great value in mutual aid, and this could be an opportunity for her to open John's eyes to the Christian conviction and joy in mutual aid. However, if she is not going to like been viewed as selfish by those who do believe in mutual aid or feel bitter as she watches others go off to help, she needs to be the partner of someone she knows will go.
The Amish community wants its young to find good partners. If the Amish community was a big puzzle, then young people dating and socializing among potential partners are the opportunities the community provides for them to discover who they may be their perfectly fitting puzzle piece, before the commitment of marriage. Granted, two people, especially a man and woman, no matter what society, will probably never see everything eye to eye. In this scenario explored by Young Companion, a voice of the Amish community, it seems the editors and readers agree Elizabeth and John must compromise and agree to live accordingly to those values, before marriage.
Marriage signals the end of the young people running around and the beginning of adulthood and family life. With marriage comes the responsibilities of attending and having church, washing, baking, keeping house, gardening, farming or working out, and training children. As time goes by, compatible spouses will see the careful mate selection pay off in the other's work, church membership, and parenting.
In the Amish society a marriage is more than man and woman making babies. A husband and wife are partners in all that is said and done, so two people must be sure they can live and work along side each other all the days of their lives. While the purpose in marriage may be procreation to continue the church, it is obvious that the Amish community wants children from strong families based on good marriages to carry on their ways. The Amish community has the infrastructure of running around, or dating, to start the cycle of friendship, pairing up, then marriage in hopes that though finding the one, especially with the changes of post-agrarian working out, may be challenging, their young people have the best possible chance in marriage and will not rush into a decision that forever changes the lot of their life.
Wow, compare that with life as a young dub, and you quickly realise why they mostly leave!
Englishman.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be....