I had a teacher in Jr. High in my advanced education class talk about givers and takers as a subject. Looking back, perhaps she was going through a rough patch…makes me wonder.
This morning I had one of those moments of realization, basically from reviewing recent events, and even more so because I was mentally rehashing some conversations with someone who means a lot to me. It dawned on me the role she has come to play in one of the major events of her life, as well as who she became because of it. At first she may have been a taker, but through a series of actions and reactions she became a giver…or maybe found the giver in herself.
So then it brings me around to the whole Giver/Taker conversation from 7th grade. Basically the breakdown is this…
Giver with a Taker – Not good, eventually the giver runs out of stuff to give because it’s the reaction and love that is returned that is the juice for the giver. The taker expects things and it’s usually more and more and the reaction is less and less because it becomes expected.
Taker with a Taker – Fine for them, because at least they get each other and there is balance.
Giver with a Giver – Heaven.
I used to be in a black and white world, but now with everything in Technicolor the variations and changes that can take place are much more evident. It hit me this morning that perhaps a Taker can become or learn to be a Giver, and everything stops being about them and what they want and becomes more about their place in the universe. The things that they wanted before don’t mean shit to them because it was all based on a cookie cutter that we were all given as the “perfect life”. I would imagine the shock from that has to be near the one I felt when I finally started getting my mind free. But now I see someone who is forced to reexamine everything and doesn’t even really see the person she is in the mirror every day because everything that used to be so stable and constant has become fluid and vague. Then the memories of life as the Taker are there and do battle with the new person, creating all sorts of emotions that run the gambit from guilt to anger to fear.
Maybe I feel I made the same change, even though my life has been spent giving almost everything away. I used to give because of how it made me feel, and did it in volume. Now I pick the people who are important to me, and instead of spreading it all out over everyone I meet, it’s focused on the ones who matter, and that feels much better in the end.
The other part for me has been to cut out the people or things that make me like myself less. Maybe it’s just the memories tied to them that remind me of who I was that is painful, but in any case, they have to go.
Making a new cookie cutter is the hardest part, starting from nothing and figuring out what makes you happy. I’ve decided that maybe there isn’t supposed to be one for some of us. Maybe there are those who are supposed to float on the breeze and land where we belong, even if only for a short while. Perhaps embracing the chaos and change in life is the key for some of us instead of the generic “life” of 2.5 kids and a McMansion 2 feet from the next one.
Maybe we just don’t fit the mold, and have to accept that ourselves before we can expect anyone else to. Perhaps when that happens, we can get past the fact that the Joneses appear to be further ahead of us, when in reality, they are stuck in a vat of mediocrity and mundane drudging along whereas we are free to experience emotions and events that most people would never dare wish for.
I really can’t wait to see what happens next.
WLG