My moment, my epiphany, my rebirth

Layla33

I remember it like it was yesterday, I was 15 years old. I had woken up in the middle of the night and dared to ask the question that had been brewing in me for a long time.

"What if there is no Armageddon".

I can't remember what the catalyst was, maybe observing my own family and every disfunction known to mankind, although every preached that in "Jehavoh's Organization" there were no such things. Maybe it was some ground breaking announcement, some new revelation that totally contradicated what I was mind controlled to preach every Saturday morning, but in one moment, I dared myself to question it. And then like a wave of water over my mind, I was purified.

"What religion is God?" I came to the conclusion that God is not a religion and that religion is all about interpreting god. Many religions, many interpretations.

"I know good people who are not JWs and I know bad people that are JWs, does it really matter what title someone is wearing?" I realized it didn't.

"How can an imperfect man judge another imperfect man and tell them whether God loves them or accepts them or not?" This was groundbreaking thought processes inside of me. I remember doing all this research for a talk. God is LOVE. I liked it. He doesn't have the failings of men, he isn't caught up in superficial things, he forgives without ego, he isn't puffed up with pride, I liked it. And I realized that no imperfect man could speak for a omipotent ruler of this world.

"We are created in God's image." So why aren't I allowed free will? Free to think, free to ask questions, free to talk to whom I want, didn't Jesus talk to whomever - murders, criminals of all sorts, drinking wine and breaking bread?

15 was a defining year for me. It would take another 3 years to make the entire plan a reality. But I still remember that moment of self-definition for me, that moment of daring myself to unplug and think for myself.

Can anyone else relate? Can anyone else share a story that allowed them to walk away? I am sure we can all be inspired because of it.

AK - Jeff

Beautiful! Thanx for sharing that.

Unfortunately at 15 I was just 'plugging in' in a major way - I wouldn't get unplugged for another 33 years.

Jeff

changeling

You are so fortunate to have had such a major epiphany at 15! I was 47...

changeling

Twitch

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away,...

I was about the same age when the same thinking processes were happening. I recall a number of situations/moments where such realizations put their proverbial foot in the door of my mind, not any one more so than the others but a progression of gradual reasonings that led to conclusions that led to decisions.

It began in the early teens with questioning the the biblical miracles that didn't make sense to me such as the limited gene pool of Noah's family and logistical problems of transporting every land animal on earth in a matchbox raft, the plagues of Egypt and what forces in nature could account for them (there had to be a natural reason the sea could/would part; after all, god is nature/nature is god) and other such forays into basic reasoning and breaking outside the box. As you had mentioned, the thought that not everyone outside the org could be bad just as I had "witnessed" that not everyone inside the org was good. I came to know people on the outside and saw that despite not being dub, they were good people at least in my eyes. I saw some of the hypocrisy among the members in how they talked of and treated each other. And at the time, I believed in god's love and his accepting anyone unconditionally, not putting people through the social ringer if they didn't toe the "company" line. The clincher was when I met and fell in love with a girl outside who was the epitome of innocence and beauty and if god deemed that she should die tomorrow for not going to the hall, then I didn't want any part of his "paradise" cos I had found my own. Ahh, young love,....lol

Needless to say, the years 15 to 18 were quite tumultuous in many ways. By the time I turned 18, I had lined up an apartment, stocked it with food and some basic furniture and moved out when I was a legal adult. The rest as they say, is history.

ESTEE

Well done, Layla!

"How can three men (who barely knew me) judge me --- and claim that my faith was 'defective'?" was my question.

ESTEE

flipper

LAYLA 33- My moment of awakening to leave the organization finally came when it occurred to me the elders were giving their personal opinions to me as counsel and going against what was mentioned in the publications to say to me. I went to my seat before a meeting, picked up my books and never went back again

jwfacts

At 17 when I started to pioneer I had similar thoughts. Here I was trying to change peoples lives, possibly destroy their families by their changing religions. What if it was not true? Unfortunately I was not as strong as you, and let the expectations of family and friends override what I could sense was not right.

At 25 I had an epiphany. An friend was having an affair whilst at Bethel, and went on to be appointed as an elder. I knew Holy Spirit was not on the Organization, but again I did not act out of fear of loosing family and friends. It took till 36 to finally move on.

It is great that you trusted your instincts so young, and I hope any teenagers reading have enough faith in themselves not to let their lives be manipulated but stand up and be true to themselves.

primitivegenius

i remember at 16 or 17 haveing doubts but i did what had been programmed into me and squashed them.

oh sure we belive the bible and THATS what we study............ now open your watchtower to page....... WTF

i had many moments of doubt over the years and they always ended the same way........ ill wait on jehovah........... wanna know how thats working out for me lol.

finally i had someone with good sense bash me over the head with the UN and the voteing cards and etc etc............ still took several months for me to realize the true effects of it all.

thing is ............. i tried and gave it my all............. but i NEVER felt comfortable preaching to people........... i ALWAYS felt i was disturbing them with foolishness. the religion(CULT) i was raised in....... i guess i never bought it.......... i would make a stand for jehovah........ because i was told i HAD to.

where is it telling whether a person truely buys the bulls***............... do they go out in service christmas morning....... or new years day......... i NEVER DID.

glad to be out................ thanks E.M.

Serg

Thanks for sharing. Geez, I wish I would have thought of unplugging myself at that age, then I would have never bothered to get baptized. I guess I was too caught up in the "truth" back then.

My moment, my epiphany, my rebirth

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