We haven't talked in 2 years, but I only email them smart little morsels about the GB etc that I get from you guys, you know, since I'm already not a fit associate why not try to educate them?!?!?! It's not necessary to read my whole letter to get to the POINT--his weak but kindly SHORT response (that I waited for 4 days to get) where he spends most of his sentences explaining himself, and I hung on his every word, and I wrote back about what we've been doing, and 2 weeks have gone by and he's not responded to that. . .whatever. . .and I check my email 10 times a day to see if he wrote back and nothing and I wonder. . .is it worth it? pour your heart out to someone in the evil cult, not out of conscience, definitely not, but out of love. . . and I have to remember, they've still got 3 kids who are in, they don't need the ones who are not. . .they're just gone. My point is, don't strain yourselves, or hurt yourselves emotionally to draw these people into your lives, they don't need us, they're trained that way.
Greetings to you both. J1 told me that you called her, Mother, that was kind of you, it made her happy to hear from you.
I hope that you are both well, I do. I cannot tell you, I do not have the words, for how angry I am at having lost my parents and my sisters, so if you think my emails are nasty, I am sort of sorry about that, mostly when I hear that 'j2 sent us another nasty email'; I don't know what else to do. Perhaps anger doesn't sum it up, I'm beyond being sad, I'm beyond feeling hurt, I'm over it, but you have no idea the effect your cutting me off had for a time there, for remember it was you who said that I am not fit to associate with & no longer your daughter & obviously on drugs or alcohol, not the other way around.
I yearn to call you, constantly I do, but the relationship we had for years is gone. I cannot convey my feelings, I fear they simply fall on deaf ears, but you probably feel the same way about me. I cannot call, or even answer your call, and hope that you might toss me a little crumb of affection, rather than hang up on me and be short. I can't do that to myself. I will not live falsely so that I will be acceptable to you, I shouldn't have to, just as you could not shut off what you felt about your religion when it came to dealing with your parents/families so many years ago. I cannot forgive my sister for telling her daughter, A1, whom we so loved when she was a little precious child, that she will not attend A1's wedding, and that if she wants her own mother to make her wedding cake that she will have to pay her to do it. There is no proper nor acceptable reason for this, no words that could explain it and make it ok, not in this life and not in the next, for shunning your dear ones while they are alive. I assure all who care, that I will be there for A1's wedding, pleasant and proud, and will provide her all the support, emotional and financial, that I can, and there will be nothing but shame upon L, that's all a mother deserves who won't be there for her daughter's wedding, she certainly doesn't deserve the beautiful woman that A1 has become, and here, she has a fella who cares about her and her life will go forward with happiness, not the stain of her mother's religious intolerance. Take the innocence and unconditional love of a child and fast forward 20 years, what was it for if her mother doesn't love her enough now?
I think often about the good times long ago that we had, and we had many, didn't we. I realize though, that they are in the past, they are gone, I treasure them sometimes, and I try to not consider them as empty times and moments--as the feelings I have for you are the same as they were then, but I know that your feelings for me are not. I look at the pictures on the CD-ROM that you sent me a couple of years back, J1 and the girls and B and I did together, and we come to the same conclusion: what were all the past times, all the good times for, if they weren't real? I look at pics of myself with you both when I was little, and I think, What was it for? Did you love me? Were you just waiting for the time that I wouldn't share your views, for then I became nothing to you? Was I just your daughter when I did what you did, thought as you did, believed as you did? If you wanted to be unencumbered why not just say so? I don't get it.
We had the great pleasure of having J and the girls over when they were in Colorado, it was a delight--they are all funny and smart, A2 could teach most people how to use their own computer. We had a lot of laughs and created some lovely memories and got some great pictures. I am very upset to have heard from Jeanne today about when the girls returned home, that A2 was and is devastated to find that Jerry 'disposed' of her pet cat and her horse, and has been crying, sobbing for days over them, naturally. Jerry has offered her no explanation except that they are too much trouble for him to care for while she'sen she was away. J1 is terribly upset; she feels that A2 is getting the recompense from Jerry for having visited her mother. But it seems that all that matters to you and others is that he attends the KH, not what he really is. Sure, Jehovah reads the heart, but are we to ignore this behavior and allow those girls to go through what J2 did? He is committing loose conduct, and possibly more by now, with his girlfriend, and while I don't condemn someone having a relationship, Jerry still subscribes to the JW teaching of 'no intimate contact before marriage'. But J2 gets labelled as 'immoral' and the bad one. Just so you know, J2's 'boyfriend' is a good man who really adores her and loves the girls, you should know, he is a good man. We've spent time with them, and he obviously really cares about her and fusses over her, you should be glad for that.
We have very exciting things happening right now, and I'd like to share them with you, but I'm convinced that our lives don't matter to you, that you view our endeavors as waste and death. I'd like to tell you what's going on, but I've had to replace that need with anger, I have had to push those natural feelings for you aside, just like you have. It is hard. I don't have the belief that God will replace my family for me like you do, I have only the certainty that in going forward with my life that I am happy, and that we will have a baby soon too, and we will love our babies for their entire lives, no matter what they are or become or believe or do or say.
Father, you told me once a very long time ago that you'd never obey a human man again, that's what appealed to you about 'the truth'. But I ask you, and not in wanting to criticize your beliefs, I don't want to do that, but I ask you to ask yourself, Which do you believe more strongly: that the Bible is the true Word of God for all mankind or, that the words spoken by the Governing Body are God's words to humankind? Which will you follow until your last breath? I ask you this because it is the whole basis for your having ended our relationship. As you know, the scriptures say not to even eat with a person who is a drunkard, an idolator, a fornicator. I am none of those things and neither is my husband, and if you have proof to substantiate that we are evildoers deserving of spite and religious hatred or perhaps death solely according to God's Word, I'd like to hear it. You can assure Mother that I have never used drugs and never have abused alcohol. The Bible says that it is death or adultery that ends the marriage bond, but, on what grounds does it say that you should end a relationship with your daughter and son-in-law and future grandchildren?
These are questions that had, for over a year, plagued me over and over, when I knew that I had lost you. They do not any longer, but now I can ask them of you. I am now asking you for an answer. I am asking you to accept us into your lives, not to have religious arguments, but to restore what we used to have, to be parents that we can call and ask you what you're up to, or how gold panning is going (up near $900 an ounce last week!) or call to say 'Guess what..." and share good news with you, or tell you about one of my good friends who just died too young of cancer or some other stuff of life. I want you to know that with the changes that have just begun in our lives, we are at no loss for love and acceptance, except for you. If you want this, let me know and we can begin again. If you don't want this, just don't reply. I won't disrupt your lives again by trying to contact you in any way, forever.
I have always loved you. J2
Dear J2 and B, Received your letters and you are wrong in thinking we no longer care for you, we do. You cannot know what these things have done to us. By the way, Mom was returning J1's call as she had called us telling about her return with the girls and then when she was driving is a blinding snow storm. We are worried about her and told her to keep us informed as to how she was doing and where she was. See, we love her as we do you. We don't like the things Jerry has and is doing any more than you or J1 does. I warned him that he better never hurt the girls! Hope all is well. Love Dad |