Hello friends!
You know, I have been inactive now for about a year. And so many of my so called friends now have nothing to do with me. All because of instruction from the Society. Now, my family is giving me the cold shoulder as well. Active JWs always say that it is so bad that so and so has become inactive, or that so and so was DFd, etc. But I see the sadness on their faces if it is a friend or family member. They are no longer to speak to them or have any contact. Yet still, they say that the one who is DFd or the one who has simply left is in such a bad way, how unhappy they must be or how sorry they will be. But, I ask the question, who is really unhappy here? Granted, sometimes it is necessary I guess to reprimand a consistent wrongdoer. But in cases where a person has simply decided they don't want to be a JW, they are shunned as well, like the gross sinner. Which brings me to my point. Take a look at who is really being punished. Families are miserable because they are taught that basically anyone who leaves JWs are evil. They have to go against natural affectionate feelings towards those they love because the sociey says so. Misery sets in(even if they are not consciously aware of it).
Next, you have the spouse of a DFd person. Suddenly, if they were are active members of the cong., they are not included in the gatherings or activities they were because of the DFd spouse. If the spouse happens to be a woman, she can't study with the children in his presence, and if he offers a prayer at the dinner table, she is not to say amen, so as to not recognize his spiritual leadership during this time of being DFd. Consequently the female spouse of the DFd husband has to follow ridiculous rules being monitored in her own home even. Who is being punished?
A sister in the cong. is married to a "worldly" man. She married him before she was a JW. When there is a congregation gathering, the invitation has only her name on it. Naturally, she feels awkward about going to a function without her husband, so she declines the invitation. Her worldly husband will never be included because he is not "one of us". This sister becomes increasingly depressed and feeling isolated. Yes, she has close friends. But they rarely will include her husband in anything. This sister has a housewarming party thrown for her and some in the cong. refuse to go because her worldly husband and his family will be there. Again, another blow.
Who is being punished?
A disfellowshipped brother. His father has a major accident and is hospitalized for weeks. His mother is uncomfortable with her DFd son being in the hospital room because Elders and others from the Cong. will be visiting. The mother asks the Elder if it is OK to have the DFd son there. The elder says under the circumstances, it is to be expected. ASKS THE ELDER IF IT IS OK!!! This is a family crisis folks. None of ANYONES business who is ther and who isn't. The father wanted his DFd son there. He had no objection, why should it have been taken any further??
Who is being punished?
All of these snippets of stories are true. They happened right here in my congregation. Twisted thinking? Oh yes, in it's worst form. JWs preach love and kindness, but within confines and boundaries. There is no such thing as family business, If you are a JW, it is apparently everyones business.
When I see tears and sadness on the faces of family members and friends of those who have left or were disciplined by the Elders, I often wonder who all they are punishing. It never is just about the person who committed the wrong. It always affects the family. Everyone is essentially punished. They may not realize it, but they are. When a person is DFd or Reproved, whatever the case may be, there are rules imposed on everyone. As JWs, we have been trained to think that the person who was DFd or whatever is the one being punished. Have any of us ever thought of it the other way, as I have mentioned in the experiences above? And what about the sister who has the worldly husband? What was her crime? She is a great person and is continually fighting an uphill battle just because he is not a witness. Why should her life be so hard? My defintion of all of this is predjudiced, pure and simple. Just like saying if you are not a certain race, you are not as good as me.
I call this twisted thinking at it's best, or convoluted JW logic. Whatever you call it, this is causing so much unecessary suffering on the parts of innocent people. So friends, in conclusion, I ask you:
WHO IS BEING PUNISHED???????
Thanks.