As always I feel this community will feel me the most. Most often I feel I'm caught between so much stress, particularly trying to juggle work, class work, lab work, friendship, and love. And in the midst of all of this, I get so distracted easily such as by being here. But this is on my mind right now, and I cannot concentrate on anything else such as the studying I must do for my political science exam tomorrow.
All through out I feel like I'm just doing these things to make friends and find love, to satisfy myself. Ultimately I am stuck in the desire to just grow up and fit in with those who are older, such as the grad students I help. The little part-time job I do doesn't pay shit, but I have gone out to parties with my co-workers and I enjoy that. Not to mention, the shitty early morning shifts I have to work at 5 AM. This career is only temporary.
The lab work I volunteer for has been for my benefit of learning and increasing my chances of success after my undergraduate studies. I love it to my hearts content, but it takes up so much of my life to the point where I just want to get everything done and get my PhD. Settle down. As always throughout my life I've wanted that warm feeling of someone cherishing me with intimate love. So I have developed a crush on the grad student I'm assisting with with her thesis. At the same time I want to become a part of this research group's social circle. I am confused and I just keep telling myself just to focus on getting work done. I can't screw anything up. I have been assisting this particular research group for a year now, and I have access to a majority of the lab. More than any other undergrad I would say.
As for friends, I go about day alone other than contact with my workmates and the grad students I assist. It was nice and I was quite happy that the grad student I'm assisting invited me to go to the bar with her friends. I did feel intimidated by the age group (27-30). I felt quite special taking her home too. As you can tell I do have feelings for her. I am playing with fire.
As for the school work, I feel I shouldn't bitch about this because it will only get much more difficult, especially when I have to write a dissertation. I am already bombarded with so much writing, reading, and studying with so little time in the evenings. My professor that I'm assisting has even planned for me to write an undergraduate thesis.
And from what I've witnessed, grad school is whole other level of stress, and I'm still trying to decide what I want to specify in in my field.
I just need a place to let out
by tsunami_rid3r 7 Replies latest jw friends
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tsunami_rid3r
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AWAKE&WATCHING
(((((((((((((((((((((tsunami))))))))))))))))))))))
I don't have any advice. I just have a hug.
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tsunami_rid3r
And I think thats just what I need. It would feel so much better if I could to tell this to someone in person and receive a hug, but I'm not seen as the type that shares my problems.
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AlmostAtheist
>> but I'm not seen as the type that shares my problems.
There are ways to remedy that. :-)
For what it's worth, it makes me happy to read that your stresses are coming from all the work you're putting into making a good life for yourself. Many of us stressed over "getting our hours" or "finding a mate" or some other cult-driven agenda at your age. I'm so glad to see you stressing over something that will actually lead to something GOOD!
Still though, sorry it's stressful. Hang in there, Man.
Dave
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tsunami_rid3r
What I think of this religion and how it motivates its people is, whatever works for those people. It didn't work for any of us, but hey if all of my old buddies from my past congregation are dating the girls within the congregation to settle down and make good Christian families, then that is okay because it works for their lives.
Now what I think of their lives is another story.
From the news I hear from my parents, those people wonder why I strive to achieve work in academia. Especially archaeology, why archaeology? They probably won't understand because they are too jaded by their goals, which are molded by their lives of pioneering and lecturing in their halls. IN fact, I find the dating news surprising yet funny. I just couldn't see some of them getting tied down to the other. Some of which I had crushes on in the past. It doesn't upset me at all because their goals are different. It wouldn't work.
My point is, their goals can still be good. Its their niche. -
Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit
Dude. I'm so jealous. Stay in it as long as you can, you may regret quitting school more that you regret staying. Really, I'm jealous. It's cool that you're studying what interests you.
You can vent.
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JWdaughter
You are doing so many good things for yourself. Stay focused. You are doing well. It is frustrating and hard sometimes but you are moving forward and becoming a complete adult, balancing your friendships, work, school. You should be proud of yourself and you do deserve a hug, and maybe a few good meals:) Take care of yourself!
Shelly -
tsunami_rid3r
Today, I was assigned more projects in the lab. I don't know if I should feel overwhelmed or joyed. Thats three projects. I'm helping 2 graduate students and my professor. I'm still trying to determine how to juggle those tasks.
Today feels depressing for some reason. I wish someone would call me. I want to call a certain someone but I shouldn't. Sometimes I stress over the most ridiculous things.