Does fear control you?

by beroea 3 Replies latest jw friends

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  beroea

  Does fear control you?

  About 2 weeks ago my old parent visit our families for some days. During the visit I told my parents about the UN case and showed them also a letter from our national JW office about the case mention the “Library excuse”. I was discussing mainly with my mother during some late nights talk. I’m sorry this didn’t happen so often, but they live in another part of my country here in the north of Europe. I didn’t tell my mother everything about my thoughts about the JW only a little but enough to made her react.

  My mother has always been a strong woman with the will to think her own though, but still practice the loyal JW attitude. One thing did surprise my a little. Her reaction was a split between sorrow and fear. The role of fear was big – bigger than I though it was in my mother’s life.

  She was really frightened about my thoughts and comments even they were very balance and only was a small part of it all. She didn’t say my comments was wrong or against the Bible. Mostly she was afraid of the Organisation and a respond from the Borg if they knew about my thinking. Again and again she said “be careful my son, be careful” and “Don’t say this to anybody”. Not a word concerning my thinking and the real content of my words, but strong fear towards the Borg and a reaction against our family (By the way – I am very careful. As active elder I do know how the system works).

  I don’t fell the same level of fear as my mother, but anyway fear is a factor. Fear makes you passive and non-active in thinking. It’s also a strong factor making you staying inside. My fear is not personal (I really don’t care) but must admit that with wife and children I too think twice and deep.

  Did fear control you in the past – and maybe still - and what role did it play on your journey away from the Borg?

  Beroea
  A voice from Europe
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  AmazingProgeny

  I think I am one of the few lucky ones that didn't have to worry about my family's reaction. My dad (Amazing) was the first to announce his decision to leave and his reasons for doing so. Our family has always had the utmost respect for him and so we listened to him and reassured him that we would never shun him. We all (my mom, 3 siblings, husband, & me) eventually came to the decision to leave on our own and let him know. We were the only ones in my family that were JWs, so we didn't have to fear what they would think. My husband was concerned about his parent's reaction and it did cause some tension between them. Now, we have an unspoken "let's never talk about it" agreement. I don't really like it b/c there are things that we have never told them (like my husband is in the US Navy Reserves), but I am live with it because it has to be my husband's decision to tell them.

  I really have not had to deal with fear of leaving. My husband and I were not yet married at the time, but I had absolute faith that we would get married and stay together. I did loose some friends from our current congregation (the one my husbnad grew up in) by leaving, but they weren't very close friends so I wasn't too upset. I have not been back to the congregation I grew up in, so I haven't had to deal with anyone from there shunning me.

  Every day I make the choice to not let fear rule my life. My husband still lets some fear rule his life. He is still afraid of his parents shunning him if he tells them the whole truth. Someday, I think he will tell them everything. Since we don't have to deal with them much, it doesn't really affect my everyday life. I will not let fear control my life. I will live with truth and honesty. I will not be afraid to express my views, no matter how others feel about them. I am not always good at defending what I believe, but I do try.

  AmazingProgeny
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  ItsJustMe

  I'm afraid to answer that question....

  Just kidding, I couldn't resist!

  I think most people are motivated to some degree by acceptance of others. It's fear of being ostracized that prevents many from speaking up or acting differently. Look at kids in school - how many join clubs, support the teams, attend the pep rallies, make fun of the chess club, etc. all for acceptance by their peers. The unusual thing about witnesses, to me, is that there is a lot of emphasis on being different from the world and taking pride in that, but not being different from one another.

  Anyway, maybe more than most organizations, witnesses tend to count the cost before they take any action. And part of that cost is the acceptance of their family and friends. Something would have to be of very high value to motivate one to sacrifice that acceptance.

  That's the end of my philosophy segment.
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  garybuss

  It might be fear. It might just be the realization that as Witnesses we live(d) in a conditional society where everybody is dispensable. Bravery still does not take the sting out of rejection for me. The Witnesses seem to often see their rejection as conditional. As conditional as their acceptance. Looks to me like many victims of their rejection take the rejection more permanently than the Witnesses may intend to give it.

  The Witnesses use a form of magical think when they imagine we will be attracted to them if they reject us. They are taught by the Corporation that we will fall apart like a two dollar suitcase in the rain if they reject us, and we will come crawling back to them, begging for Corporate protection from their god Jehovah and Armageddon. Instead we become irate and rational and objective and pissed off.

  Fear of the free exchange of ideas might just be a sign that there is something wrong with the system.