Self-confidence vs. Apathy

Mincan

I've been working on building some self-confidence/esteem/respect since leaving the borg. I believe the mind wanting to repair itself now is because of much less chronic negative feedback from people in authority. My parents are across the continent, I no longer read the goatherder's sexual and misogynic guide to assholism nor any books designed to decipher it to a 21st century reader.

I'm thinking perhaps there is a good combination in apathy and self-esteem. I say apathy as in one doesn't mind too much what others think of them, or in otherwords, doesn't obsess about it all day long with every encounter of another human being.

Self-esteem comes naturally when you stop beating yourself up for stuff that's either happened or that you can't really control. It's also built up when you recognise good in yourself and whatever accomplishments you have been able to accomplish (ex. quitting smoking before you really started it, giving up cannabis as a chronic all day long habit, staying alive, not becoming a speed freak, leaving a cult, not killing one's self, staying off the streets and in a home, etc etc ad infinitum)

What do you all think about this axis of self-esteem/confidence/respect vs Apathy to others opinions (i.e. quitting the serving of the god's of other people's opinions)

Gopher

I no longer read the goatherder's sexual and misogynic guide to assholism nor any books designed to decipher it

I agree that we were way too concerned about what other people thought about us, while in the Borg. Now we value those estimations when they truly count in life, be it in relationships or in the working/business world -- we do care about the outcomes there. But as far as trying to please people who really are impossible to please, that's in the past.

Self-confidence and respect comes when we make good decisions and stick to them in spite of naysayers, and set our goals and attain them to the best of our ability. We know we're good or effective, and we please the most important judge of how we do, that judge is we ourselves.

jaguarbass

If your needs are being met. Life is good. If your needs are being met and you have excess its even gooder.

You only have to worry about the person who signs your pay check, what they think and whether they will sign it next week also.

Money talks bulshxt walks.

What I'm trying to say is dont worry about what others think if they arent paying you for your behavior.

LouBelle

Perhaps apathy is a bit of a strong word to put in there though I totally get what you're saying. Perhaps I'd go for nonchalant - the more calm and casual way of approaching things because you are confident in who you are now.

R.Crusoe

One thing that's been conditioned into most JW's is hearing regular confirmation and validation for following thoughts that were not your thoughts that you made yourself think were!

Now you have to get used to finding your own thoughts, feeling it is what you want and validating to yourself that its cool and go ahead.

Then there's the 'freedom' to keep doing this till it becomes a habit of yours! (I say 'freedom' because it's what can seem like 'isolation' after institutionalised sardines in a tin style life at the KH.)

Making up habits which make you feel good or just 'occupied' (and not feeling low) are things to do to help you become yourself after so many years being trained to be somebody else.

And remember you can actually feel life in yourself!

Look at yourself in a mirror - into your own eyse! Know that the life giver has granted you life and the gift to enjoy who you are to do as you wish so long as you harm none! After all - they were granted life too!

So do as you wish! Be a joy to the life in you! Feel it and live it! Also rest and recover as you wish, work and put it all into action. Begin to feel what makes you feel and keep going!

IP_SEC

The day I stopped caring much about what JWs do and believe was a day a giant leap of recovery was taken. IMHO