Fifi40 meets Dave Letterman! The Top 10 Teachings......

by oompa 8 Replies latest jw friends

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  oompa

  A JW should earnestly try to prove to themselves (in hopes they can't and will wake the fluck up).

  Per Fifi40: I think I need to compile a list of information and facts that disprove the jw religion and its teachings, for any jw or any considering becoming one, to be able to check for themselves before committing themselves any further to this religion. So if you have any thoughts please would you add these. If there is one on the board could someone please point me in the right direction.

  Not that this should be as funny as Dave, but maybe a short list such has his would have appeal....of course a few WT or secular references to support the point may be nice too. We can pick the top ten by anylizing the first 10,000 posts here, but not the second...................oompa
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  shell69

  why does a little girl age of 8 through 10, need to KNOW that she should have TWO witnesess to her childhood abuse??

  WHY SHOULD SHE HAVE TO KNOW THIS?

  SOOOOOO sorry Ooompa, if I've gone off at a tangent to your initial question. ((((((:-()

  Shell69
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  oompa

  Funny Shell....sometimes things just have to be yelled out! It could possibly make a new top ten list, but would need a bit of expanding and formating. At least you posted, we now need only 9999 post to pick the handy pocket size top ten list.............oompa
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  Gopher

  10) Other people's blood is nasty and you have to choose between death and excommunication

  9) Your spirit doesn't survive your death

  8) If you die God will bring you back as a clone of yourself

  7) Armageddon will kill those who don't listen to the Watchtower

  6) You have to go out preaching or else you're not showing your faith

  5) The Bible is inerrant, and if anything is confusing you'd better believe our explanation

  4) Everything in the world is put in place by Satan to deceive Jehovah's Witnesses

  3) Reading the Awake magazine for one year is equivalent to a college education

  2) Masturbation is evil and may lead one into homosexuality

  (Drum roll, please)

  1) You must be loyal to the organization which tells you everything you need to know
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  OnTheWayOut

  Gopher, I can't laugh at your TOP 10 because they are all sadly true.

  6) You have to go out preaching or else you're not showing your faith

  But you do have to define "preaching" as "selling Watchtower literature."
• 

  oompa

  Gopher:

  10) Other people's blood (and your own) is nasty and you have to choose between death and excommunication

  9) Your spirit doesn't survive your death (except for the anointed...and so why do they only have one>)

  8) If you die God will bring you back as a clone of yourself (pretty much, but Lazarus did not complain)

  7) Armageddon will kill those who don't listen to the Watchtower (uhh..true)

  6) You have to go out preaching or else (you will die at amageddon)you're not showing your faith

  5) The Bible is inerrant, and if anything is confusing you'd better believe our explanation (uhh...true)

  4) Everything in the world is put in place by Satan to deceive Jehovah's Witnesses (yep)

  3) Reading the Awake magazine for one year is equivalent to a college education (rotflmao)

  2) Masturbation is evil and may lead one into homosexuality (everybody should know there on gasm better)

  (Drum roll, please)

  1) You must be loyal to the organization which tells you everything you need to know (oh yeah baby)

  But I do not think all of these are actually top 10 teachings...and you missed my number one deal breaker...teaching...falsehood...fraud....not that it will make the cut out of the next 9,994 of so............................oompa
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  oompa

  Still working on my top 10 list....here are four I just put on another thread:

  1. Why do we teach everyone Gods name is Jehovah when we are nearly certain it is not. The 1950 NWT forward, and other places indicate it was much more likely Yahweh, or some variation based on YHWH, not JHVH. (we choose to stick to traditions of men on this one)

  2. Printed out every use of the name Jehovah in Revelation, and you will find not a single instance where the name has been a "restored" quote from the Hebrew Scriptures. Yet Appendix 1-D in the Reference NWT clearly states it has been restored when quoting from the Hebrew Scriptures. Don't forget Rev. 22: 17-19 says not to add to nor take away a single word....we have done both

  3. Now grab yourself a GU brochure and have some real fun. This brochure designed to convert Muslims so clearly states the accuracy and divine protection of the accuracy of Gods Word the Bible....If so, then how couls Satan and "so-called Christians" (his apostates) have CHANGED the Bible, removing his name complety from the Christian Greek Scriptures in every ancient copy on the planet? That is the official teaching in Apendix 1-D and also, in the Insight Book under "Jehovah...Use in the Christian Greek Scriptures"

  4. And finally, and start here if you really want to see the deer in headlights even though this is current Climax Bookstudy material.....Tell her you know Bible prophecy proves that Jesus came in 1914 instead of 1874 as we taught for over 50 years, but you have not been able to find where in the Bible it teaches he would come back in 1918 and do some worldwide "inspection" of religions in order to pick the most perfect as his own. And since you wanted to know what we were teaching during this flyover inspection, you are digging into our freakydeaky pyramid doctrines of that era.
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  Gopher

  Hi Oompa. I did my 10 items in a Letterman-esque, 20 words or less style. I thought of a few things that are ridiculous, and a few that are serious. I know the #1 teaching of Jehovah's Witnesses is that their organization has the truth, I guess the #2 teaching on my list should have been: "If you have doubts, see item #1".
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  Gopher

  < double post >