For those who helped family OUT of the Org.........

by lovelylil 8 Replies latest jw friends

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  lovelylil

  how did you do it? I think this is an important topic to review time to time because so many people on JWD have seen the light and want out but have family still in. What advice can you give others that helped you get your family out? Here are some things I did;

  1. I was not confrontational and told my husband who wanted to stay in the org. that I would support him in his decision but wanted the same respect for my choice. I pointed out to him that I was not afraid for my salvation and I fully trusted Jehovah to be my judge. I did not preach to him at all, but let him know I would answer any questions he had about why I was leaving but ONLY if he remained calm and listened to my complete answers. I then turned the situation over to prayer and waited. Within a few weeks, he began asking Q's.

  2. This is a big one, I was "armed" with older WT magazines and books and when my hubby did ask, I was able to show him how the society falsely prophesied and how their doctrines changed over time. Sometimes changing and then going back to the old teaching again such as the superior authorities being governments, then Jehovah and Jesus and then governments again. I DID NOT show him any "apostate" material or anything from the internet. Again, I only used their own material to show thier inconsistancies and this got my hubby to loose some faith in what the org. was teaching and Q if they truly had God's backing.

  3. I pointed out to my hubby that we had NEVER researched the origin of the organization and that I felt it was a mistake. I pointed out how we told people in the ministry they should check THEIR religion but we did not follow that advice. I asked him if we could check their history together to prove to ourselves this WAS indeed God's Org. He agreed only because he felt the org. would stand up under scrutiny. It was clear early on - it would not.

  It took a total of 4 months to break the hold the org. had on my husband, the kids were easier to help out. The thing that helped the most I would say was proving the WT false using their own material.

  Who else? Lilly
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  Velvetann

  that is truely wonderful that you were able to do it reasonably. I don't have anyone to help out of it but I sure would be asking your advice if I did.
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  compound complex

  Dear Lil,

  Good for you! I'm still working on it. Your calm and respectful approach cannot but work, even if you gain no more than a listening ear (at least for the moment).

  A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.

  It works both ways.

  Thanks for the above and your comments (another thread) re: your Catholic family, who were always there for you.

  CoCo
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  lovelylil

  Thanks CoCo,

  It sounds like I had an easy time but the first few weeks was the hardest. My hubby over-reacted and starting calling me an apostate. He also threatened to leave me and the kids unless I changed my mind. I held my ground and stayed calm, refusing to let him bate me into an arguement. When I first showed him the changes in the WT, he said so what and pulled out the "new light" teaching. But then he finally came around because he thought he could go along with me and prove the organization was true, helping me back to the "truth". Alas, it failed and he then finally gave up and left too. Lilly
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  Fadeout

  lovelylil: It sounds like I had an easy time but the first few weeks was the hardest. My hubby over-reacted and starting calling me an apostate. He also threatened to leave me and the kids unless I changed my mind. I held my ground and stayed calm, refusing to let him bate me into an arguement. When I first showed him the changes in the WT, he said so what and pulled out the "new light" teaching. But then he finally came around because he thought he could go along with me and prove the organization was true, helping me back to the "truth". Alas, it failed and he then finally gave up and left too. Lilly

  That sounds a lot like my experience. I think anyone who attempts to deconvert a family member must EXPECT things to be pretty rough at first. You will likely get called an apostate. The key is remaining calm, you have the be the emotionally steady one, let them try to prove you wrong, be prepared with facts. Don't take their reactions personally, just remember their little world is being devastated and they may lash out. In the end there is a good chance that only because of their love for you they will look into what you are saying rather than simply shutting the door completely. And once they start to honestly investigate matters (this may be a long time, weeks or months after you first start the dialogue) it is only a matter of time before they reach the same conclusion.
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  MisfitMeL

  Hello Lilly! Thanks for starting this thread and also giving your experience. It really is very helpful for us newer members. There are some very valuable points that we all could use.

  I have stopped associating and going to the kingdom halls, but my mum doesn't know about this yet and she is also still a loyal member. I really long to be able to show her the 'truth' about the org and hopefully wean her away from it too.

  I'm not sure how to eventually discuss these issues with her, but your experience and logical, calm way of handling the situation with your husband is encouraging. The concept of using only JW material to disprove beliefs is excellent! I will definitely follow that approach.

  I'm just not sure where to obtain copies of such old magazines? I don't have any. My mum used to have many from the 80s onwards but I think she got rid of a lot of them when she moved. I don't know what issues she still has.

  I could wait until I visit her in person to discuss these issues, but I would prefer to find a way to drop subtle hints via email and such and hopefully get her thinking and do her own research.

  I'm sure there are many other members here who also have equally valuable info on such issues. Look forward to reading them all!

  MeL
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  R.Crusoe

  There can sometimes be traumatic situations when numerous individuals begin 'helping' others to their 'reality' and I know personally how goodwill and best intentions can get trashed even buy those claiming to be doing what you yourself are attempting!

  The old proverb 'to many cooks....' is very true and the end result is often far less savoury than it could have been leaving not only a sense of wasted years in the WT tardis but finding you landed on a different planet than those you were helping due to interfering others with as pig headed an approach as the WT itself in every sense!
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  lovelylil

  MeL,

  Go to the freemind's webite and you can purchase the CD-ROM with all the old Wt's on it. Also you can order copies of great books like Crisis of Conscience along with others designed to help you "witness" to your jehovah's Witness relatives.

  A word of advice though - don't say anything UNLESS they ask. Or they will immediately say you are an apostate trying to ruin thier faith. If they ask tell them you will answer only because they asked you but IF you see they are only concerned with argueing and not really interested in your answers, tell them the conversation is over, immediately! Remember you have done nothing wrong, it is the WT that is wrong. So don't let anyone make you feel guilty about your decision or try to bait you into an arguement. Tell them you have legitimate concerns and maybe they can address them with you. Also, I told my husband I wanted a legitimate answer and "just wait on Jehovah" was not going to do.

  go here for the info.. www.freeminds.org

  another great site to find information about the WT's flip flops in teachings and thier real history is this one...http://www.sixscreensofthewatchtower.com/

  Peace, Lilly
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  MisfitMeL

  Thank you Lilly! I've bookmarked all the pages including this thread and I will definitely have a good look at them later today. Much appreciated!! :)