I have a question for those out there who are in a situation where one spouse wants to leave JWs and the other wants to stay.
Is it better to tell the believing JW spouse nothing at all until the last possible moment OR tell them bit by bit what you have learnt about the Watchtower and at the end there's a better chanve of the family leaving the JWs but remaining intact.
I reason that if you tell the believing spouse slowly in a way to maker her think (and this could take years), she might be more receptive when the endgame finally arrives.
If you tell her absolutely nothing and then endgame arrives where you quit the religion and THEN you tell your wife you no longer believe in the JWs, you have basically shocked her twice.
First, you have quit the truth while all the time she was still a beliver. She might have felt all along that you still believed but that you might have been stumbled or depressed. She has not made the 2+2 = 5 connection yet.
After all these years you finally tell her how you feel, you've given her a second shock - you've torn her belief system apart OR she doesn't believe what you have to say and calls you an apostate and divorces you for spiritual endangerment.
Here are two possible scenarios. In both scenarios, it is the husband who wants out, but it could also be the wife.
Scenario 1:
Husband has responsibilities in the organization and is a regular pioneer. Wife is also a regular pioneer. Both are "strong in the truth."
Husband has always had nagging questions and doubts about the Watchtower. He does not tell his wife.
Husband ignores questions and doubts for a while.
Husband can no longer put questions and doubts in the background and acts on them. He thinks.
Husband researches Watchtower publications, the Internet and talks to others online who are in his situation. He says nothing to his wife.
Time passes.
Husband realizes Watchtower is no longer the truth.
Wife notices husband losing zeal for the truth. She asks questions but gets no answers.
Husband misses meetings, field service, no longer comments, quits his responsibilities.
Wife is concerned about husband. Talks to him, reasons with him. Husband explains it is a personal matter and he cannot say anything.
Time passes
Wife is at her wits end. She doesn't know what to do. She goes to the elders. Please have a talk with him.
Elders try to find out what is wrong with husband. Husband says it's a person matter and he doesn't want to talk about it.
Time passes. Wife gets the "looks" from her friends and "what's up with your husband comments."
Husband is completely inactive.
Finally, husband confesses to his wife that "it's not the truth."
Wife is shocked, refuses to listen, her world has fallen apart.
Wife divorces husband, claiming "spiritual endangerment."
End scenario: Divorce, estarngement
Scenario 2:
Husband has responsibilities in the organization and is a regular pioneer. Wife is also a regular pioneer. Both are "strong in the truth."
Husband has always had nagging questions and doubts about the Watchtower.
Husband ignores questions and doubts for a while.
Husband can no longer put questions and doubts in the background and acts on them. He thinks.
Husband researches Watchtower publications, the Internet and talks to others online who are in his situation.
Husband occasionally brings up controversial WT topics in a way that might make his wife think.
Time passes.
Wife begins to have nagging questions and doubts about the Watchtower because of what her husband is saying.
Wife puts questions and doubts in the background and tries not to think about them.
Time passes.
Husband realizes Watchtower is no longer the truth.
Wife notices husband losing zeal for the truth. She asks questions but gets cryptic answers.
Husband continues to drip-feed controversial WT subjects to wife.
Wife gets agitated, stops conversation.
Time passes.
Husband misses meetings, field service, no longer comments, quits his responsibilities.
Wife is concerned about husband. Talks to him, reasons with him. Husband explains why he no longer believes.
Wife gets the "looks" from her friends and "what's up with your husband comments."
Time passes.
Wife researches Watchtower publications, the Internet and talks to others online who are in her situation.
Time passes
Wife misses meetings, field service, no longer comments, quits his responsibilities.
Husband is completely inactive.
Finally, husband confesses to his wife that "it's not the truth."
Wife confesses to husband that she has also been researching and "it's not the truth."
Husband and wife agree that the best thing to do is fade.
End scenario: Marriage intact