When witness familly members are difficult or abusive...feel free to vent

by milligal 7 Replies latest jw experiences

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  milligal

  I wanted to open this thread for discussion after reading some other posts which sound very similar to my own situation. I wondered if anyone would like to share suggestions, vent and get it off their chest or respond to my own issue.

  In my case, my parents are JW and are relatively easy to deal with outside of the fact that they seek me out and ultimately want to save my soul (an uneven relationship). However my husbands parents-his mother in particular, is a pill! She is so mean to my husband and myself and then feels offended that I don't want my children around her. I have a hard time knowing how my husband feels because his family is almost 150% out of his life. They never call or write unless THEY need something. Even before and during his deployment to Iraq-not a word. They will on occassion send messages to us through other people which are rude, insulting and demeaning to put it lightly. I at least have communication with my parents and a brother and sister who are also df'd. I don't always know what my husband is going through not having anyone. Has anyone else gone through this? Suggestions?
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  flipper

  MILLIGAL- I do understand your situation. I have an older witness sister ( ex-gilead graduate) self righteous who every time she has called, or written to me- she makes me aware of how much I've hurt my parents not going back to the witnesses. Nothing I do has ever been enough for her. The way I handle negative people like that is avoid them. If they bring a negative energy into your life - just avoid them until they change. Hang out with your positive relatives - and don't feel guilty or let the negative people make you feel guilty for avoiding them . They will suck the life and spirit out of you -only if you let them. Stand up for your right to peace and happiness. Peace out, mr. Flipper
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  jamiebowers

  First of all, you have the right to determine who has contact with your child and what is communicated to your child. I think you should let your dad know in no uncertain terms that he will be shunned if he doesn't cut the crap with your daughter. Second, aside from the fact that his jw true colors are showing when he blames a rape victim for being raped, I find it extremely ironic that he denies a pedophile problem within the organization of the WTB&TS. Check out the Silent Lambs website and/or go to http://www.watchtowerdocuments.com/ to see how the society, for years has covered up child molestation. It should be brought to his attention.
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  jamiebowers

  Sorry, my response above was meant for a different topic. I have no idea what to tell you about your mean jw relatives, because mine don't speak to me at all; therefore they can't be mean to me.
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  Ima Apostate

  I have had my relatives shun me and treat me like a second-class citizen because I'm no longer "in the truth" (in the dark, as I know think of it). But over the years, I've watched my 'perfect' cousins drink themselves to obliteration, abuse prescription medications, have affairs, and do numerous other things... I don't judge them - I'm not perfect. I just find it ironic how some people feel the need to live a double life. Thankfully, I will never feel the need to do that, because in my church, there are no perfect people allowed. Let's face it - we're all working on something and we're all freakin' sinners.

  I've never been completely shut off from my family so I can't say what your husband is going through. But all I can think of for him is GOOD RIDDANCE! If there is no hope for them ever coming around (and a lot of times, there isn't), you are better off without them in your life. I find Witnesses to generally be pretty lame people. I can't think back of anyone I've known during my JW years that was just awesome. People who are true JWs are quite boring and have a very limited world perspective. You can't talk to them about anything going on in the world. They have no desire to affect people positively here on this Earth, except to save their souls. They don't do any charity work or get involved in politics or making things better here on Earth at all, so SCREW 'EM.

  There are so much better people in the world! I love my worldly friends!! (HAHA. It sounds so funny even saying that.)
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  milligal

  You're post was helpful anyway! Thanks
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  milligal

  Ima-

  I agree with you. One of my social psychology professor's once told me that when you have a group of people who think they are completely right while thinking that everyone else is completely wrong-you have a social problem. I was surprised to find out that many social scientists actually look at witnesses as being on the lowest rung of our society because of the same reasons you raised. They simply do not add much to the promotion of the greater good-even if they define their ministry as doing such, no one else does. I will try to share this way of thinking about it with my husband.

  By the way does anyone know how to respond to specific posts? I feel like such an idiot, I can't figure it out! My last post was to jamie. Thanks
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  WTWizard

  I have seen this among families within the congregation. The pathetic excuse of a human that studied with me was very domineering and controlling. The wife had absolutely no freedom. He would keep her out in field circus until just before she had to be at work, usually late. He made the rules that everyone in the family must pioneer.

  That marriage lasted only 4 years (I have heard of the 7 year itch, but the tyranny of the husband led her to cut him off sexually sooner). They had two boys, but obviously there was no love in the marriage after a few years of him always beating up on her. Adultery resulted (he did it). And, her payback was to not set him free to remarry afterwards. I guess it doesn't pay to always do things your way at the expense of the spouse.