I dont think I have ever mentioned this story - mostly because it is quite a painful memory but A@G's post about his recent DA'ing and how upset his wife is made me recall this dreadful period in my growing up years.
I was about 17 or 18... I think I was out of school by then but to tell the truth - I cant recall. My Dad started going through this really strange phase - maybe it was a midlife crisis - he was in his late 40's or early 50's. I woke up one Sunday morning and overheard a conversation between him and my mom. It was about him leaving and my mom could have everything, him having to talk to the elders, stuff like that. I got up - asked what was going on. He informed my sister and I that he had had an affair and was going to confess all. I grabbed a bag and walked out. I walked to some friends and spent most of the day and next night hiding out there. My mom eventually begged me to come home for the sake of my little sister.
My Dad was subsequently DF'd and what followed was a horrible dark period in my family's history. My sister was seriously unbalanced and I made her sleep in my bedroom because I thought she may try to off herself. She was also showing signs of becoming a bulimic. My mom would not let us talk about the situation to anyone. She would not talk aboout the situation to anyone - not even her own "fleshly" sisters. She also refused to let my Dad leave. She said under no circumstances would she start her life over again.
Things got a little worse. My dad did not stop the affair immediately - I heard him on the phone to this girl. I snooped around - found out that my Dad was arrested for indecent conduct (I never ever found out what that was about - not sure whether I want to know?), found out that he was on Prozac - I never realised he was depressed. My mom became seriously zealous - she had always been quite zealous but she went a bit OTT after this.
After a while - my dad started going to meetings again and eventually was reinstated. I know at the time, I was really angry at him and could not fathom why my mom let him stay, When Dad was reinstated - it was like we were expected to pretend nothing had ever happened. And to this day we have never ever spoken about this again.
My Dad and I had a conversation just before he was reinstated and he spoke to me quite frankly about his mistakes and some of the reasons for his actions.
Its funny how all of our relationships were affected differently by this. My mom and I drifted apart some - I resented that she pretended nothing had happened. My sister became closer to my mom and her relationship with dad broke down completly. My mom became a serious zealot. My Dad and I became closer.
Thanks for listening guys!
PDB