I have a good friend from childhood in the congregation who is undergoing a few problems and I need to give him some advice. Let me start from the beginning...
Childhood
I remember when J was born, I was 6 and our father's were both "appointed men", mine was an elder and his was a ministerial servant. Our families were very close. I remember going to a far-away District Convention with when J's mother was pregnant with him. My mother had died when I was 3 years old and in the 4 years between my mother's death and my father's remarriage, many families in our congregation helped my father look after me and give us support. J's family was one of the closest and his parents regularly took care of me when my father was at work.
J was born the year my father remarried and so they stopped taking care of me. I now had a new mother, and they had a child to take care of.
As I grew up, I realised that I was gay when I was about 8 years old, but I couldn't name it, neither did I think it was at all abnormal. I thought they were just feelings of wanting to be close to my best friend at school, but with adult hindsight, I realise that I had a crush. For many years I dealt with the guilt (http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/92919/1.ashx) and I thought I was the only one with this "problem".
Baptism, limbo and study
I got baptised shortly after my 18th uncelebrated birthday and the guilt didn't go away like I thought it would. In fact, just two weeks after my baptism, I began to research about the Watchtower Society on the internet. For three whole years after that I had the surreal experience of being a baptised member of the congregation with all the "priviliges" that entails, but having severe doubts about the organisation. I started a course at university which opened my eyes further.
During those limbo yearsJ's father was appointed an elder, and noticing that J was "spiritually weak" he asked me to conduct a study with J, which carried on for almost a year. In the study I found out that J had many problems but he always hid the truth from me.
Once he told me "I have a problem at school. Everybody in my class likes History but I like Science. I'm afraid that if I tell people I lke Science, they'll hate me"... Now this completely dumbfounded me. I thought he was a bit of a hypocondriac, worrying about every little thing. Who was this lttle 13 year old to say he has problems with school subjects? I'm the one who's 18, gay and living an agonising double life. I didn't at all see the real hidden meaning behind what he was trying to tell me... I'm not very good at cryptic puzzles, haha.
Anyway, the study stopped when J's family moved to a different part of Britian.
I left home at 21 because of a placement at university. Gradually I purged myself of guilt and replaced Watchtower teachings with my own view of life. I began to feel real freedom and independence. I kept in touch with J vaguely, but I had begun to cut off friends associated with the Watchtower Society, so eventually we didn't write or speak...
Back in touch !
Then on the Common Bond website (for gay JWs) one day I saw a post that mentioned the name of my old congregation. The description of the person matched J. So cautiously I contacted him again. He was now 16 and I was 21. My mind jumped back to the cryptic confession he had given me three years before and suddenly everything was clear. Needless to say we were both surprised to find each other like that. Surprised is not the word really. I was such a model publisher in my 3 years of "limbo" everyone saw me going to Bethel or becoming a Regular Pioneer and eventually an Elder.
We began chatting and I discovered that he still had a hell of a lot of guilt, and he still believed in Watchtower teachings. I gave him advice and information, and I thought it would help him shed the belief system.
Guilt
It's been another 3 years now... and I just recieved an email from J this morning. It seems he still feels tons of guilt on his little shoulders.
...i have got to the stage now where i dont think i can carry on doing two things i have just got involved with someone who i love so much and im just wondering how does it play on your mind that we know we are going to die at armageddon because i knnow its going to happen but i find it so hard to do the right thing and things are hard lik esp when u have some1, but what makes it worse is that i sometimes feel as if i am doing it against the holy spirit but i dont want to i have a very guilty conscience but i physically cant go along the proper way coz that leaves me lonely, i cant talk to people in the meeting and i cant talk to people in the world so who does that leav? anyway does it ever play on your mind and if so how do you cope with the guilt? wb
What do I say?
He can't talk to people at the meeting, and he can't talk to people in the "world" so who does that leave?... Me...
I haven't felt any guilt for almost 4 years now, but I'm afraid that if I tell him that he'll think I'm an apostate and not listen to any advice I can give. He's 19 now, and he's still sitting on the fence regarding the WTS. I'm sure it's time for him to shed the mental shackles of the Watchtower Society. It'd be great if I can get him to re-examine the Watchtower's beliefs, which will then start to ease his conscience.
What advice should I give him?