Love is a Foreign Language to JWS

metatron

The past couple years of 'drifting away' have been a real revelation
to me. It has been a difficult adjustment. So many standards I
once sacrificed for are now without meaning. Nevertheless, one
personal value remains - and is all the more important to me:

Love - in all its forms

I now see clearly how dysfunctional most JWs are. I now understand
the lament of an ex-elder remarking that no matter how much he
served, he had no close friends in the 'truth'. I now understand
how refusing to kill people in war is not a proof of love - just
obedience, and cultish at that. I don't wonder anymore why most
Circuit Overseers are SOB's. I don't wonder why my fellow elders
secretly turn on each other, when backs are turned, like some
Afghan tribesmen. I don't wonder why the Society gives such a low
priority to love as a mark of true worship, in recent Watchtowers.
I'm not surprized to see the cold fruitage of disfellowshipping-
friends who can be parted forever by a corrupt elder's announcement
or companions reminded to turn each other in if wrongdoing is suspected. I'm not surprized to witness corporate values take the
place of Christian charity in congregations.

Painfully, it struck me one day, while watching situation comedies,
that many 'worldly' people had extended families - that cousins,
aunts, uncles, and nephews could be really close to each other,
know each other, LOVE each other. Yes, the world has plenty of
broken families - but the cold distancing that seems so uniform
in Witness families doesn't look like a worthwhile alternative.

Looking back over so many years serving this organization,
I realize how sad and sick it is. Like Jesus said, they really
are sheep without a shepherd - just sheep enslaved to committees
and their rules.

Love has been a foreign language to them - and me included.
I'll be working the rest of my life to change,
I can only hope they can change, too

metatron

Billygoat

Meta,

Funny you should post this as this is something I've just really, really, understood until the last couple of weeks.

I've recently been in email conversation with my JW father about my anger and bitterness towards him (abusive) and the organization (controlling). Between the emails from both Mom and Dad, I've realized that "love" to them is obedience to the organization. That disobedience or association with anyone who is disobedient means you don't love yourself or Jehovah (organization).

This has been a catalyst to me within the last several days to "love" my friends and family as much as possible. My friends I don't want to take for granted. My family I want to be kind to and cherish, even if it's not reciprocated. I won't do it to the point of being self-abusive, but I'm learning where to draw the line for what's healthy for Andi.

I am very, very blessed to have friends that I consider my family. I have many friends at my church that are warm, funny, affectionate, caring, and sensitive. They have carried me in many times I've wanted to committ suicide over the loss of my JW family. They have had to teach me my own value as a human as well as other Life lessons that parents are supposed to teach. These friends truly are my brothers, sisters, and parents. I do not believe blood is thicker than water. I also have a great boyfriend - Neil is a smart, attractive, tender-hearted man that adores me and loves me unconditionally. The first man in my life to do that. His family (parents, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins) all think I'm just part of the family...if I am that special to Neil, then I am special to them as well. It's a strange and funny feeling to be loved that much...warts and all. It's downright uncomfortable at times. And I am learning how to live with that until it becomes comfortable.

Meta, yes, you're right. Our histories and backgrounds are sad and sick. I blame my parents for their actions back then. But I will not blame them for MY ACTIONS TODAY. I could readily use my experience as an excuse to be abusive, un-loving or hateful towards my future family. But I've learned from my parents experiences and plan on making sure my family doesn't suffer from lack of love. I look forward to it!

Great thread by the way!

Andi

radar

metatron

What is love?

Radar

All that we see or seem/ Is but a dream within a dream.

-Edgar Allen Poe

Nicolas

Me too, I were a jw and now, I have a lot of things to learn like how to not judge everybody that you see. This is one of the first things that I learned, in the WBTS, everything is black or white, you are good or bad. Obviously, this is not true, so I have to remind me to not do it.

celebrate

Billygoat and Metratron - you are both to be congratulated on your journey, and your courage and compassion. For as trite as it sounds I read once people are like tea bags, you never know how strong you are till you are in hot water. You two have shown that in adversity, you have seen what you are truly made of and what is truly important.

For me, as I am still very new here and I can only speak for me, I have found much love and caring from those outside of the KH. I found much abuse in the name of love from those inside. The JWs quoted scripture to tell me I was worthless, and of course, said it was done because they loved me and wanted me to be a better person.
Again, congratulations on finding out what love is all about.

celebrate

Billygoat

(((celebrate)))

Awww! You're sweet to say that. I can't speak for Meta, but I do know that I agree with your analogy - it is the trials in my life that have strengthened me and given me character. It is also through those trials that I learned to NOT be judgemental and to have a heart of mercy and be compassionate. But know that this new found freedom has come with a price - a steep one at that. But if I could go back and change anything would I do it? Absolutely not! The price of truth and freedom for ANYTHING will be steep - whether we speak of religion, politics, freedom, or anything else of importance.

All I can say is keep an open mind and heart - those qualities attract like minded people and with their help you'll heal. I was surprised at the amount of kindness and compassion I received from my "worldly" friends. I truly hope you have some like that as well. If not, stick around this board. There are many people here that want to help people like us. I've actually just realized as I'm typing this, that helping others by listening, (((ehugs))), and sharing is just as important to my own healing. I'm glad it can help others, but it benefits me as well. You'll get there one day too!

Andi

metatron

Amen, Billygoat!

I am surprized how many kind, loving people are out there
in the big wide world. I am surprized at how forgiving and tolerant
so many people are - even in the face of Sept.11.

Where were these people in the past?

Or could it be that, with blinders on, I never noticed them?

metatron

SixofNine

Where were these people in the past?
Or could it be that, with blinders on, I never noticed them?
metatron

Yep. If you're like me, you get a little embarrassed just thinking about your own blind coldness in the past.

Love is a Foreign Language to JWS

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