a little of advice for me????

by wonderwoman77 3 Replies latest social relationships

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  wonderwoman77

  Well this is my situation. I am dating a girl, and I really do like her. She is sweet and we have a lot in common. We have been dating for about 6 weeks. We have known each other for 3 years. She is getting very emotionally involved. She has hinted several times that she wants to say the 'l' word, but hasn't yet. I have issues moving that fast in a relationship. I cannot totally trust that easy. I have issues from my past and both of my parents completely have abandoned me and so I have had the ultimately betrayal in my mind. It is hard to trust anyone after that. Anyway. I want to be able to develop this relationship, but I get irritated with her for being at this point and she can be clingy which is very frustrating. I need my space. I think I have become really independent in the last year, and I do not want to give that up. I do not know. What do you all think...any advice

  thanks
  steph
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  Seeker

  Sounds as if you have answered your own question, really. You are on different emotional paths that are not especially compatible.

  You mention your past and how it affects your ability to trust now. A perfectly valid response to have, btw. Could it be that you are close enough to this woman to discuss your past with her, and explain your need to go slower? If you both love each other, you should be able to communicate openly, and she should understand your needs.

  That's what I would do.
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  Prisca

  Hi Steph,

  Females need to feel secure, and when it comes to being in relationships, we need to feel emotionally secure. What your girlfriend is asking from you is some sign that you are emotionally involved with her, that you don't view this relationship as just another friendship, and that you view her as Someone Special.

  If you are not prepared to commit yourself so soon, or your feelings are not as intense as hers may be, you need to express this to her. Be honest, yet sensitive to her feelings. Let her know that you need time and space to let your feelings grow. The whole time though, reassure her that you do care for her, and that she is Special to you.
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  wonderwoman77

  thanks for the advice. I have shared some of my past with her, but not all of it. Just enough to let her know it takes me a while. I need time to get emotionally involved, and she is already at that point. I understands she wants to share that with me. But it is hard when I do not feel that yet. I have tried talking to her, but it is hard with my trust issue