ok. . .

by John Doe 3 Replies latest social humour

• 

  John Doe

  An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

  Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

  In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

  A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

  As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"

  The drunk, still staring down replied:

  "I think I just beat the out of a ghost"
• 

  John Doe

  Choosing A Wife

  A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

  The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more an attractive for him because she loves him so much.

  The man was impressed.

  The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

  Again, the man is impressed.

  The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

  Obviously, the man was impressed

  The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with th e money he'd given her.

  Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

  Men are like that, you know.

  There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

  If you don't send this to five OLD friends right away there will be five fewer people
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  wifekeepsmeinit

  A really rich old man wants to test the theory "You cant take it with you when you die`

  So he brings together his 3 most trusted advisors, his priest, his doctor and his lawyer. The rich old man gives each of them a briefcase with $100,000 dollars in it, and tells them to put it in his casket when he dies.

  Lo and behold the old man finally dies. And the preist, doctor and lawyer all put a briefcase in his casket. During the funeral the three advisors started talking and the preist says "Ive got a conffession to make" "I only put $50,000 in, I spent the rest on Charity, the doctor says yep Ive got a confession to make too, I spent half on medical research. The lawyer was, said whats a matter with you guys, he trusted you, I mean I put a cheque in for the whole amount.
• 

  John Doe

  A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.
  After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks,
  tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"<p></p>
  
  She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "NO, I WON'T GO HOME WITH YOU TONIGHT!"<p></p>
  
  Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
  After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
  To which he responds, at the top of his lungs,
  "300 DOLLARS? YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND!"