The Blood Situation and you (ex-JWs, DAd, DFd and Faders)

by Layla33 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  Layla33

  I am curious how people that still have most family in the JW religion or spouses deal with the blood situation? This was not something I had thought about for many years, as I was married and with the same man for over eight years. However, being divorced now, all my immediate family is still in the religion. I hadn't really thought about it, but then one day my father and I were having a conversation and he made a comment that made me realize that if my medical decisions were in his hands, he would object to giving blood to me - of any sort. I may or may not have shared this, but one of my older brothers died because of my parents refusal to give him a blood transfusion.

  I just went in for a check up and just realized that for the past five years that I have been divorced, I have not given this much attention, call it procrastination, but I haven't until now. I was visiting one of my best friends not too long ago and I asked her to sign papers to make all medical decisions for me in the event of a medical emergency. Not only is she someone I trust, I know without any doubt she would honor my wishes implicity and would stand up to anyone that challenged it. It was not the comfortable of conversations, as no one wants to think about being in such a situation, but it really motivated me to be more proactive.

  Therefore, I bring this to the board. HOW PROACTIVE ARE YOU ON THE BLOOD ISSUE? I know there are a more than a few people here that are faders, DA, and DF who are still married to spouses that are "in". I also know there are people here like me, that are single or divorced, whose other family is still in and I ask you if you have not done so, to consider the implications if you don't make your feelings clear and have agreement with your family or get someone authorized to make medical decisions in your behalf when you are not able.

  Experiences, thoughts, comments are most appreciated.
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  Balsam

  Layla33,

  It is important for you to speak with your medical doctor and let them know you are no longer JW and that in a medical emergency you would accept blood. Let them know that your JW family members would object to blood transfusions to save your life. Ask your Medical professionals what would be the best way to handle this in the event of an emergency.

  You could carry in your wallet with your emergency contact number a statement of permission for blood transfusions in the event of emergency. I don't think it would be necessary to have it notarized. Now a refusal of blood would need to be notarized to be legal. If you can get a friend you trust completely outside the witnesses to be your legal medical power of attorney it might be good to do that.

  Ruth
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  milligal

  When I was still married to my witness ex our son was born premature and the Dr spoke of a blood transfusion. My ex told him no-way. Right then-pioneering and all I would have given my right arm PLUS a blood transfusion if my baby needed it. I left my ex and the 'truth' a year later (son is fine by the way!) My second pregnancy with my current hubby (I feel funny saying 'current' I do plan on staying with him!) I had HELLP Syndrome, a rare and dangerous disease that can cause spontaneous bleeding out of all orifices. If that happened there's not much that could be done for you, but I told my hubby and the Dr's to give me blood if needed.

  With my third and final (thank God) pregnancy I had less trouble but made sure in my birthing plan that it was known that my baby or I would take blood if medically neccessary.

  I think that tis really becomes an issue (as with so many other things) when you are in a situation where you need to address it. If you are single, or you think whoever is in your life may not respect your wishes, you might consider orders for your medical community -which most hospitals will provide/with an actual document on the front desk of the ER or check in station. That way you ensure your wishes are taken seriously.
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  Tired of the Hypocrisy

  It has been very difficult in the past. My well-intentioned but misguided father in law has been known to travel across state lines to push his values on family and friends. Once he travelled from Fresno to Sacramento and made a spectacle of himself. Witnessing to doctors and visitors about how he was there to keep the evil blood from being forced into his married daughter's veins. The doctor told him that the decision was my wife's and hers alone and refused to tell him if she had given the ok to receive blood or not.

  Well, he raised hell. Telling the doctor that Jehovah God King of The Universe said no and that she better not go against God's direct order.

  When I got sick at work I was taken by ambulance to the hospital. When I woke up it was to the sound of him arguing about the blood issue. He made sure every nurse, doctor, patient and visitor knew that I was a jw and that they better not give me blood. Never mind what I want or don't want. I love him dearly but I have no idea why he feels he is the medical spokesman for everyone's family.
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  sammielee24

  Well it's pretty easy really if you are df'd. In our case, the family has zero contact and never will - in fact I did let Sams family know that even if he were very ill, that I most likely would not let them know since they could care less if he exists now - why would I bother to intrude on them then? I pushed some hard facts in their face by letting them know how hypocritical they as Jehovahs Witnesses really are, when they shun their own family when they need them most and then expect to be treated like family when something tragic happens - doesn't work that way. Coming around crying after someones dead doesn't help the person who might have needed you when they were alive - its all show and self gratification. So in essence, as long as your family is not around and you aren't hanging with Witnesses, who would know? If you are still on speaking terms with Witnesses, then I'd alert them in a letter that you do not adhere to the blood doctrine and you will take blood if mediclly necessary - and I'd keep a copy of that letter inside my wallet in case of emergency. sammieswife.
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  yknot

  This is one area that I go out of my way to disclaim.

  I am making strong headways with my mom finally, she knows they are wrong but the whole running ahead thing has got her brainwashed. We have openly agreed that in medical crisis I could override her medical directive !! Well she knew I would override it but now she acknowledges it privately.

  Does anyone know M. Gene Smalley's educational background?
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  ex-nj-jw

  My husband and my children are not dubs so I don't have to worry about jw family stepping in. But my non jdub husband is very apologetic regarding JW's and sometimes he says things that make me go WHAT? So just in case my kids know that I DO want blood and my physician also knows.

  I've told hubby that if he ever needed blood, he'd get it and i don't really care if he want's it or not! Now that the kids are grown maybe I should rethink that?

  My oldest son has me as his contact person for emergencies so his grandparents won't have the say so. I think we are all covered!

  nj