Please Tell Me About Ex-Dub Love

by Mindchild 4 Replies latest jw friends

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  Mindchild

  I think it is a bit sad that finding and keeping LOVE in our lives is a bit of an uphill struggle. When I had to choose between the real world and the Watchtower world years ago, my parents told me that I would never find love out there in this “Wicked System of Things.” They quoted me scriptures which avowed the myth that only real Love comes from the fruitage of the spirit and what passes for love in the world is nothing but lust. When I walked away from all this what did I find?

  Hey, LUST wasn’t all that bad! But LOVE is really wonderful but requires a lot more effort to get and keep.

  What type of love am I talking about: the romantic/companionate type of love here.

  I notice a lot of ex-dubs have turbulent lives when it comes to getting and keeping Love. I wanted to get some comments and ideas from all of you as to:

  (A) You found love and encouraged it to grow into something meaningful.
  (B) How you lost love
  (C) What substitutes you have found for a deep rewarding and interpersonal relationship that provides you with love

  All Fundies: I know your gig and book of tricks, I’m only interested in reading about personal ideas and experiences.

  Thanks,

  Skipper
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  sunscapes

  My spouse and I have grown in love together from within the borg; then without. It's great to have a match wherein the two of us learned how to think for OURSELVES without having the party line shoved down our throats. It's even sweeter being together in this journey of discovery...

  When we neither punish nor reproach evildoers ... we are ripping the foundations of justice from beneath future generations.

  formerly "Theocracy Rules Again"
  circa 1996-1999
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  Free2Bme

  Typical pompous remark that..what passes for love in the world is lust.
  So what prompted nearly every single one of my peers as a JW youth to race into marriage as teenagers? Love or lust?
  I married in my thirties as an ex-JW and though lust quite naturally reared it's head LOVE was the driving force that kept us together and still does.
  How arrogant of JW's to insinuate that 'worldly' people are incapable of tender and genuine love whether romantic or agape! Yet another fallacy from the Super Smug You Are All Going To Die Crowd...and they want to preach about true love?

  Free
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  Bridgette

  Love: my favorite subject! First of all, I do not believe one can separate universal love from the love between two individuals. I have the privilege of having found my best friend, confidant, lover and all around soulmate. I left an abusive relationship (like a good witness girl, I married far too young, and neither one of us was prepared--but I was desperate to get out of my mother's house--frying pan to the fire--such are the choices before a witness girl child). I dumped the marriage and the cult. Got my daughter and myself into counseling. Oddly enough, I have found true forgiveness for my former husband. I feel nothing but pity for him, even though he was abusive to both myself and my daughter. I know he felt a lot of pressure to "keep his household in line", "reach out", provide a living, all without a college education, no room to grow, having started extremely young (18)--the strain must have been tremendous--it does not excuse the abuse, it's just that I have forgiven him. And we are really, actually sort of "friends" now. This has been good for my daughter to realize how two people can truly put the past behind them, and lovingly co-parent, after so much turbulence (as my daughter exclaimed one morning--"we're so much happier now that we're not witnesses!"--out of the mouths of babes lol!) Anyway, I learned to love myself first, and this opened me up to so much love from the outside. I started making friends, left and right (real friends, who's love and support is not pendant upon devotioin to an org.) Eventually, I felt so good, that I attracted my soul mate. He is a wonderful person. Compassionate, educated, smart, loving (to both myself and my daughter)--sigh, I could go on. We love to spend time together, traveling, talking, or just sitting (he likes to sit and watch me paint or draw). We laugh ALL the time. We have our own personal running Saturday Night Live going all the time--we have our own characters, and running skits (as well as new ones, all the time)--it's really a lot of fun.
  and this is love post borg for me.
  Love yourself, be open, don't be afraid to be vulnerable to another human being (easier said than done) and you will find who you're meant to be with. Most of all, don't forget to have fun and enjoy life. While you're doing the things you love, you're likely to "bump into" your mate.
  Love,
  Bridgette
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  Billygoat

  I learned to love myself first, and this opened me up to so much love from the outside.

  
  Bridgette - it is so true! When I decided to take a break from dating a couple of years ago, I was really able to find some things about myself that I liked. I joined some league sports, I joined some women's groups, I took up arts and crafts - I focused on ME ME ME! Selfish? You're damn right! And after 28 years of living according to everyone elses wishes, I don't feel guilty about it. Refuse to. I call it taking care of myself. I just try not to step on anyone's toes (too hard) when I'm doing it. But I discovered when I learned to like myself, it made me more attractive. People liked me because I like myself.

  Logi - are you reading this dear???

  I'll try to expand more later, as I'm rushing out of the office this evening. The weather here in Dallas is bad tonight. It's supposed to snow. Whoohoo!

  Andi