Let me try this again...
My mother died earlier this month. Some of you have seen my post about calling in hospice. She had Alzheimers.
I and my husband have been inactive for several years. My mother wasn't aware of my disillusionment, and I am glad of that. Being 4th generation myself, it would have broken her heart to know I rejected the faith of her grandmother and parents.
While still trying to stay under the radar as far as possible, I planned her memorial. We decided to have it at our house and at first I only wanted to have good friends and family. However the elder we picked to speak turned out to be a Chatty Kathy to the Witnesses and we ended up having it announced in several congregations. We told the elder to make it short and personal, I did not want the outline and surprisingly enough he didn't give us a hard time. (Although he did manage to sneak in some of the outline, which pissed me off but certainly didn't surprise me) I also made sure and invited worldly family members I haven't seen, in some cases for 30 years. I decided to serve food and would have loved to have served wine, but alas, that would have been too much! Amazingly, several elders showed up, even one my husband had actually called a liar several years ago (lots of background on that one), lol. My whole point was I didn't want a somber, self righteous religious feel to the whole thing. I wanted it to be warm and respectful of my mother and her life. And it worked!
One sister made a disapproving remark because we were taking pictures, but it felt like a reunion of family AND friends, and my sweet husband just walked away from her without replying.
So from now on my life will be very different. My dilemma now is how to really divorce myself from the Witnesses and live life to the full while still keeping of good terms with my family and hopefully my very best friends. Living in a small town makes it more complicated, but now I am finally ready to start living my own life, but its scary!
I will welcome any and all suggestions on accomplishing this, so many of you guys have been in similar situations, and I've seen a tremendous amount of collective wisdom on this board!
Can I start a new chapter of my life?
by redredrose 2 Replies latest jw friends
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redredrose
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flipper
REDREDROSE- My condolences and sympathy to you on the loss of your mother . You did a great job of keeping the funeral non-witnessey, and helping people stay close with good ,loving thoughts of your mother ! That was good you could have a say in how to make it proceed . So many others have had that freedom of choice taken away from them.
In now proceeding with your life - perhaps you can get a support group of friends started who are not part of a mind control cult. Get involved in support groups in your community, or helping others in various charities, or functions. You will start finding many nice people outside the witnesses who are non-judgemental friends, and show real unconditional love towards you ! It takes time, but there are great people out there. I wish you the best. Take care, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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redredrose
Mr. Flipper,
Thanks for the kind words. I know I was lucky to have as much say in her memorial as I did, its a combination of being an only child and of being thought of as a little bit odd anyway. (If they only knew, lol!)
And you're right, I think the next step is to find some friends. I already have one, an old one: Oompa! We discovered recently that we have a lot more in common than we thought!