What do you do if someone you care about dies...

by LovesDubs 4 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • LovesDubs
    LovesDubs

    ....and you and their family dont speak? Do you go to the funeral and have to deal with the living in order to pay respects to the dead? My sister and I havent spoken to our father and his wife for a few years now because the intrusive, overbearing wife wont let our father speak to us, write to us or even have lunch with us...WITHOUT HER. When we call him, she is ALWAYS on the phone. When I send emails SHE answers them. When they send cards to my kids, SHE signs them. She has reemed out both my sister and I for various things that she wanted done her way that we refused to do and for not calling enough or not asking about HER kids and HER grandkids or for sending thank you notes to them in a timely manner when SHE sends cards to our children. God there is a whole litany of things...and my p*whipped father just lets her run all over us. The result of which is we have stopped trying to communicate with our father because we cant get by the pitbull. And he told us he refuses to do anything without her and thats that. So...last week our step sister's (her daughter whom we have known since 1979) husband died at age 45 of lung cancer. He was the UPS man who would come to the school where my sister worked every day for several years and they had a great relationship. Then when we fell out with step sisters mother...all th step siblings stopped talking to us as well. So when he fell ill a year ago, we only found out about it by accident and didnt know he had passed away until my sisters husband READ IT IN THE PAPER two days ago! The funeral is this Saturday. Im 1200 miles away and cant go, but my sister is torn whether to go or not because she doesnt want to deal with my father, step mother and the step siblings and their glares. I told her to go last minute and stay in the back of the large Catholic church, then just leave after it is over and avoid confrontation but to go out of her friendship for this man.

    So should she go?

  • yknot
    yknot

    Mourn.....If attending would upset the family then visit some other time but send a condolence card.

  • JCanon
    JCanon

    My condolences. I feel sorry for your situation. JW issues plagued deaths in my family as well, with some in the family adamantly against the witnesses. I'm disfellowshipped but have elderly parents and lots of cousins in the truth. So I dread the funeral.

    Now personally, I would just let the witnesses do their thing and have their own memorial service. Or if they wanted the body there I could arrange it (I the executor). I wouldn't stand in the way of all those who loved either of my parents. But then there is the issue of me attending the Hall. I loathe the Kingdom Hall. So on paper it looks great. Just let them have their own private funeral and I'll have something separate for the family who do not want to deal with the witnesses, make just a wake and viewing. But there is so much pressure for me to be supportive of the surviving parent at the Hall. And the brothers are DARLING. Half of them speak to me anyway, because I don't quite manage to tell them up front I'm disfellowshipped (tee hee) like a nice witness. I figure as long as I don't discuss anything, there's nothing wrong with being pleasant and saying hello. One of the elders don't like it. He figures it is MY RESPONSIBILITY not to talk to the brothers, but I could care less. I figure it is HIS responsibility to tell the brothers I'm out and when they don't speak to me, then I accept that. But if they speak, I speak back.

    Anyway, what can you do. Either way its painful, so I empathize with you. Whenever that fateful day arrives for me, not that it might with Armageddon being so close, I'm just going to be as kind as I can to the brothers and forget about all the who is disfellowshipped issue. I figure if a situation FORCES me to be in their company then I'm not playing the "sad disfellowshipped one." I'm just going to pretend everything is fine and when the funeral is over we can go back to those JW games.

    Anyway, you have my sympathy and I know it must be difficult. But these things happen.

    JC

  • White Dove
    White Dove

    That's rough. I've heard it said that funerals are for the living loved ones. I have no advice but to go with what feels the strongest.

    JCanon, love your picture!

  • bbinkss
    bbinkss

    If your sister wants to go to pay her respects and grieve then I think she should. As you said she can slip in at the back of the church and leave quietly at the end. If she has no wish to cause trouble or upset to the rest of the family then they should realise that the funeral is about him not family difficulties/drama and hopefully they will be mature enough not to cause a scene....... If the family are rude to your sister as long as she keeps her composure then they would only make asses of themselves!

    Condolences.... Bbinkss

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