BECOME A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS TODAY!
We make you happier!
**Learn how to put on a good appearance in front of others!
**Learn To Make Tough Choices Easily - we will tell you what to do in all parts of your life!
**Remove the frustration of too much time on your hands. We will keep you busy!
**Women - Learn how to cope with an abusive husband. By marrying one!
**Women - Learn how to prevent marriage problems; by remaining single!
**Learn How To Handle Hypocrites...By Practicing On Them!
**Improve Your Life By Saying No! To sex, fun, cool clothes, free time...
**Glean The Benefits Of Narrow-Mindedness
Become A Sex Expert!
**Avoid unwanted pregnacies and veneral diseases; By avoiding sex!
**Learn the joys of boring sex!
**Learn the dangers of holding hands.
**Learn that masturbation leads to homosexuality.
**Examine the Hidden Danger of Befriending the Opposite Sex.
Return to old-fashioned values!
**Live by the rules of the 1950's and before...
**Gain a healthy fear of demons!
**Become sexest and homophobic; no more moral confusion caused by liberal ideas!
**Women learn the value of always obeying their husbands, and how to live with their husband's bad decisions.
We give you hope for the future!
**Look forward to perfect health forever...
**Look forward to all of your needs and desires being met forever...
**This hope is solidly based on a fantasy of life in a perfect world!
Our overseers have the best training in the world!
**Many have graduated from high school!
**All overseer's training based on a 2000+ old book unfettered by modern needs.
**Rules determined by a group of 12 men who are not biased by modern day needs and obligations.
This is a limited time offer!
**Act now! This offer expires when Armageddon comes very, very soon! So act now, before its too late!