need help please with letter to my dad

by atpeace 6 Replies latest jw experiences

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  atpeace

  hello all -

  i haven't been posting lately - work is busy and all that. so i get a letter from my dad yesterday. he and family just recently visited. i won't bore you with details - as it was much of the same as what others have received. while he visited, i did state that my feelings had changed and by me sharing my beliefs it would only cause more of a rift between and i would rather enjoy our time together. i feel like his letter to me was sincere and kind, and yet i do feel the need to respond.

  please help me find the right wording to convey the thought that it's not "bad association" that has caused me to examine and explore my own thoughts and beliefs. and the biggie - and maybe it's best left alone - i don't believe it's jehovah's/gods organization. if i truly did, i would belong to it. it's not a matter of laziness.

  i feel sick over it. i could truly use some kind words and advice. thanks!
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  journey-on

  atpeace, dealing with these family issues is so stressful. But, I have noticed that it is not so much the fact that

  we no longer believe the WTS is bogus, but rather, whether we verbally spread that idea that matters to them. If

  you keep it to yourself and say something mundane like, "I'm taking time out for deep prayer and contemplation", or,

  "I'm on a spiritual quest right now trying to resolve some questions I have. Bear with me, Dad", they tend to accept that

  (for the time being, anyway). If they think you are preaching against the org and spreading "apostate lies", they feel justified

  in cutting you out of their lives.
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  bythesea

  Hi Atpeace....its really hard with family, to try and explain anything we're feeling without it being threatening to them. I said way too much at the beginning and had to back off and lighten up so as not to alienate family who were seeing me go through my disillusionment with the WTS and all that goes along with it. In reply to my saying I had some questions and was doing my own research on things I was told to just go to the elders, was cautioned about not doing research outside the WT literature and so on.

  I agree with Journey On, come up with a non-threatening statement you can give anyone, something neutral that lets them know you haven't lost your mind but won't tolerate being interrogated either. I don't know your age or circumstances, but I've tried to keep in mind that family usually means well, they love us and what they worry about is losing us eternally.... nonetheless, you DO have a right, even scripturally, to "make sure of all things" and if your own findings don't match with what you've known as a JW then it will be your decision as to what to do with that information. This has worked well for me: "I'm having a difficult time with some things right now and am kind of taking a break until I figure out how I feel about things." I do NOT allow anyone to try and drag further information out of me... If it helps, you can add that you feel you still have a relationship with God and that you are not leaving Jehovah....since they don't separate God from the Org then its to your benefit right now! It takes some of their worry away. That may be "theocratic warfare" but it softens the blow for them to have you falling away.

  Its all hard, I know, and I still struggle with it myself....best to you....let us know how it goes.
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  dawg

  Hard to know what to say... I started slowly at first, I was kind at first... but I got tired of the BS and finally told the truth.
  
  But I had more at stake than many, I felt guilty that I'd allow many other family members suffer under these fools if I didn't say something. It cost me most of my family, but I regret it not.
  
  Let your heart be your guide... good to see you telling the truth though, doesn't it feel great to say what you really feel?
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  atpeace

  thank you all for your suggestions - i agree that it needs to be a kind letter. i keep thinking as upsetting as it, my father is only coming from a sincere place based on his experiances and he has never allowed himself to think on things any way but what the society states. i will never change him, but i feel good that he see's be as an adult who must make my own decisions.

  i'll keep you posted!
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  Mandette

  At Peace,

  The way I handled things with my parents was to tell them I couldn't do the religion for them. And that I didn't want to be a hypocrite. I did NOT get into beliefs or questions. The main reason being that the JW's feel any type of questioning or doubt is apostacy. I knew that if I did that, I risked my close relationship with my parents. Maybe this was a cowardly way to do things. But I knew that I wasn't going to change my parents minds and they weren't going to change mine. I ADORE my parents. And I respect them immensely. I know that even if I questioned things that they would still love me BUT I didn't want to not be able to go out to dinner with them or do other things. Does that make sense? I too want to enjoy the time I have left with them (they are 79 and 80 yrs old).

  I'm sure your parents are very upset about your choice, but trust me on this..mine were too and it got better. I know not every situation is the same. But it worked for me.

  And this may sound paranoid but don't put things in writing that you don't want the elders in the congregation to see. It can be used against you. Your parents my not intentionally show it to them for that reason but it could be used just the same.

  Just my thoughts.....

  hang in there...

  Mandette
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  Ima Apostate

  Atpeace,

  I feel for you. I have had similar problems with my own dad. My advice is to keep it simple like you said. The second you mention specific doctrine that you don't believe, a rift is sometimes formed, and all future communication is either them trying to convince you to come back, or avoiding you because you are now apostate. Just state that you are taking time to prayerfully reflect on what truth is and conducting an independent study of the Bible.They can't take issue with that.

  I wish you luck,

  Ima