My ex is an alcoholic, a trying to recover and get on the road to "sober" alcoholic. Who recently moved back in with his parents (dubs) while he sorts himself out. Now, they are the grandparents to my kids. Tonight I went to drop the girls off to them, for a visit and got into a long conversation with my ex mother-in-law. Talk about a touchy subject! They insisted that if he wants their help, he has to return to the "truth" and in a conversation with me, he explained that the pressure of dealing with the elders, going to meetings, etc., was just too much to deal with and its driving him to drink worse than ever before. DUH.
So she takes me aside and starts to pour out her heart about how badly having him home is effecting her and I tried to gently explain to her that he needs to focus on getting sober and healthy as his only priority right now, not to deal with other expectations of him. I guess he met with the elders recently who told him they know he's going to slip up and relapse and they understand its a disease and it will take time. Well, I thought, holy crap, that's good that they aren't expecting perfection of him. I was shocked. Then get this...his mom informs me that she was very upset that the elders didn't come down harsher on him and that she wished they had just disfellowshiped him on the spot so he'd smarten up. She was so upset that she insisted on an elder's meeting herself to have them explain to her why they weren't disfellowshipping her son. WTF???
I sat with my jaw almost on the floor, speechless. He's very messed up, mentally, emotionally and an addict. (Did I mention, his mother was abusive and mentally ill during his youth, as a dub no less?) Yeah, the last thing he needs right now is to be disfellowshipped and shunned. Might as well point the gun at his head and pull the trigger. (He already had one suicide attempt this year which lead him to moving home.) By this point, my kids were asleep soundly, but I had half a mind to wake them up and grab them out of the clutches of this insane woman! They love their grandparents, the grandparents know, I want absolutely no indocrination of my kids whatsoever, but it seriously made me re-think allowing them to have a relationship with them at all.
The ex has been a sore on my backside for years and marriage with him, was not fun, however, I would love to see him get well and be a good father to our kids. Knowing his mother is so hell bent on seeing him pay for his disease by disfellowshipment, is more than a bit worrying.