Sigh...
Wished I would've introduced myself proper in my first post here, but having the fear of being found out too quickly or not being the right time made me censored myself from revealing too much info. Recently though, I just felt the need to get this off my chest, despite the possible risk of being called out, which several JWs in good standing are aware of my exact situation. I registered at the new site (JW support something) since theres some buzz of this site is going off line, but hadn't received my confirmation email yet. Anyways, here it goes...
Everything started around 1 year ago, despite the doubts lingering in my head for the past 8 to 10 years, just subtle feelings of something isn't right or not making sense, leaving it as me not being smart enough to comprehend (I can't believe I thought that way) and that in due time, things will make sense.
Not being a citizen of this country, even though I was raised here, married an american and all of my immediate family for the exception of my mother, are US citizens (BORN IN) and not knowing anything else but the US, I felt it was time I became a citizen . Even though I qualified for naturalization years ago, it's been recently where I began the process of persuing it feeling that there was no issue of obtaining as JW. With the issue of being a conscientious objector, regarding the oath, I sought the help of an immigration lawyer and of course EXPECTED the unconditional support in this matter from my local elders, since I am standing up for the WTBTS and jehovah. I was able to get everything in order regarding paper work within a week and the only thing left was to get a letter from my local congregation stating that I was a member of such congregation, with an offical letter head of the local congo, which is a requirment of US LAW when submitting an application for citizenship as a conscientious objector.
Now, not being a stellar witness and to be honest, due to my demanding work schedule, meetings were a 2nd place when it came my priorities, even though I still felt it was the truth. I was putting an hour or so on a month on field service, but remembered having casual conversations with many people not turning in my monthly time, cause frankly I felt that god knew what I was doing, and if I forgot turn in time, I didn't lose any sleep over it.
As the weeks went by and then became almost a month since I asked my local elders for an offical letter stating that I was a baptized witness, I followed up with a call.
ME: Hi, It's brother megawatt. Just calling to see if anyone has written a letter yet regarding my citizenship, since basically that's the only thing left that's holding me back from submitting my application.
Elder: Uh, hmm. Let me findout what's going and I'll get back to ya'.
At this point I had to explained to the lawyer we had little delay getting that letter, and that I'll get back to her when everything is cleared up. She didn't understand why such a delay, but then again she didn't agree or understood with the reasoning on submitting an application an conscientious objector according to WTBTS. And quite honestly to me, it didn't add up either, but being a loyal JW, I never dared to question.
Well, another 2 calls were made within about month and half of the follow up call, and with the last call ending with the elder asking what is it I needed in the letter again! I couldn't believe it, here's a brother in need asking from his elders, a letter that would satisfy the requirements to become a US citizen as conscientious objector not compromising his integrity to Jehovah. Is it the fact I wasn't putting 5 to 10 hours a month in field service? Or that I missed most of the weekly meetings due to work? What was it? What happened if I needed the aid of the brothers to be there if I was in the hospital and was dealt with blood issue, would they respond or was this veiwed as not as important?
Finally I got my answer when I called 5 or 6th time, lol..
ME: Hey, it's mega. Has the BOE prepared the letter yet?
Elder: Well, we actually inquired from the society about this issue. Unfortunately, the society's stance is we try to abstain from writting letters.
ME: How is that so? I researched from the publications and didn't seem like there's an issue with writting an offical letter from the congregation. Sister jane and Brother joe had letters prepared for them just recently in 03 ' and 05', is this something that's new?
Elder: Well it's something that was recently adopted. Let us know if it does become more of an issue. Talk to you later.
I was in shock. Basically, these elders claimg that they were acting in direct orders from the WTBTS were told not to write anymore letters regarding citizenship, but I knew that was lie. I confide with another elder regarding their decision, and it didn't add up to him either. He told me he would take care of it and not to worry. About a couple days later, he gives me a letter to submit with my application as an elder of my congregation, minus the official letter head of the congregation. It more or less, a personal reference. Either way, I was truly greatful for what he did and felt that it wasn't the society but more or less an error in judgement of a few elders with no insight.
After a few months of submitting my application, a notice came in by mail for my interview with a time and place. Ever so confident, I truly felt that I was shoe in.
I get to the INS offices bright and early for the scheduled date of my interview, but I had a something in the back of my head telling me something might go wrong. Finally, my name was called and the interveiwing processed began. Right off the bat, I could tell this guy was waiting to get a piece of me. After swearing to tell the truth and passing the civics test with flying colors, he started drilling me about my faith, who I was and why I can't bear arms for the US or perform non-combative services, ect. I never waivered in my stance and felt out of all this I was giving a good witness (YUCK) and that I didn't want to give the INS officer the satisfaction of making me sweat.
I felt I was clear and nearing the end of my interview, he pauses for a moment.
Officer: Hmm. Theres something I need YOU to verify.
ME: OK. What's that, sir?
Officer: Your letter from your church. It does not have the required letterhead and address along with the contact info of your local congregation, which is required by law when applying as a conscientious objector.
ME: The letter you have there is from my local elder at my congregation. It has all of his personal and contact information, is that not good enough?
Officer: Unfortunately, it's not. I'm going to have to submit this for further review.
ME: Alright.
I just got up and left. Feeling rejected, it was at that point I was confused, angry and somewhat helpless. Angry at the fact, that I was doing, so I thought, was the right thing in the eyes of god! Confused that WTBTS and my local elders left me out to dry, despite the fact I'm doing this according to their rules. And those are the exact words I uttered as I was walking out the building. It was at that exact moment that I realized there's something really wrong. Not the with US governement, not with me, but with the WTBTS.
Later that night at home, I told the wife we need to find out what's going on here regarding the WTBTS and how they come with the logic of allegiance. It help whatsoever diving directly right into the bound volumes and publications, leaving my wife and I frustrated with wtbts verbage and logic. Everything was a conscience matter! Well jesus, I would've marked yes on everything and left it as is, and be done with this mess.
After the wife went to sleep later that night, I began to do internet research on the word allegiance (google), mainly surfing the wtbts site. Welp, somehow I stumbled on the Acronym NGO and the Jehovah's witnesses in one of my google searches. What I turned up kept me awake till about 2 am that night. From that night on appoximately 8 months ago, I have feverishly surfed this site and others like it almost every night, READ C.O.C, currently reading Gentile times reconsidered. I have lost friends (conditional of course) and family, with my wife having her ups and downs, but finally seeing the WTBTS for what is, a "doctrine changing by force of circumstance, high control cult" group. It's a struggle for her since there's a lot more at stake (family,job) so she's reluctant. But shes not big into change and takes to it very slowly, so I do expect this to be a long process.
To be continued...
Sorry for grammar!