When I first started to doubt the Watchtower, I thought they were just a bit misguided. This was some years ago. But I felt like maybe they had most of it right and that things would sort themselves out in the end. Later on, I felt that they had a great many things wrong but their hearts were in the right places. I could see why people would not want to be a part of the Organization but I didn't personally have any animosity towards the Society. I have reached the point now--after doing months and months of reading, listening, and other research--that I hate them. Not the rank-and-file. Most of them are pretty cool people. It's the Big O that I hate. The All-Seeing Eye. The people that sit in the ivory tower in Brooklyn who don't have even a toe in reality, yes, I am talking about them.
I couldn't understand the motivation for their deceit at first. Was it money? Control? Power? Pride?
I don't even care anymore. Harboring all of the feelings I have now is making me crazy. I guess eventually my brain will explode.
The thing I hate worst of all? Is that they teach conditional love. My wife loves me. I am sure of it. Yet I can't talk to her about my innermost feelings because if I do, she has been obligated to report me to the elders who will then force me to disassociate myself or whatever their terminology is these days. This requires for my wife to pretty much quit having anything to do with me. I find this to be the most evil thing of all the things that they do, even worse than the rejection of blood transfusions.
The Witnesses refuse to use their brains because the Watchtower fills every article, paragraph, talk, booklet, tract, magazine, and brochure with thought terminating cliches. You know them.
Trust in Jehovah. Jehovah has a plan. Trust in the faithful discreet slave class. Jehovah is our grand creator. There are many, many more.
All of these statements basically kill any argument or debate, especially when the Watchtower side is the side that makes no sense. If you still insist on pushing, now you're creating disunity in the organization by not willfully submitting.
Psychologically, I have just had it and I can't take it anymore. The meetings are a joke to me now. I just sit there and look at the expressions on some other people's faces. Some of them sit there paying attention as if their life depended on it, others are just fidgeting waiting for the meeting to end, others go wander the lobby to pass the time, some are sleeping. I bet that some of them are thinking the same thing I am thinking but are trapped in exactly the same way. So there is also pain.
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