Transgender

LovesDubs

I recently found out someone I care a lot about is transgendered. We havent been so close until recently and I actually guessed that this is what is going on with him. He himself is just in the last couple of years coming to grips with it and finally taking measures to become the woman he has always felt he was. He is tired of "butching it" to keep the status quo and was and still is, terrified that everyone in his life will leave him or label him a freak now. He has already has his testicles removed because the hormones he was taking couldnt fight the testosterone levels he was producing...but now the changes are becoming dramatic and rapid.

Im pretty open minded...and I said to him, I really dont know what to make of this you are my first transgendered person...and he replied "mine too!" But I KNOW my family will no longer accept him when he becomes a her. Particularly my JW husband who is phobic about ANYTHING that even remotely smacks of left or right of center in his life.

I could use some advice.

funkyderek

LovesDubs:

I could use some advice.

You need to change the pronoun you're using to refer to her. She does not want to be seen as a man with a mental illness, but as a woman with a physiological disorder. Just be there for her.

And help her with applying make-up and other such womanly pursuits.

Big Tex

Ask yourself whether you can accept her as she is, rather than what others would have her be.

I would imagine this is a pretty tough transition for her. My advice would be to just be a friend to her. Sounds like she's going to need one.

jamiebowers

I have to go with FunnyDerek on this one. Make this a cause for celebration, not saddness. Has she picked out a new name yet? You could help her with that. What about a shopping spree for new clothes, a day at the spa, a make up and hair makeover for both of you? She has got to know that there are going to be some ignorant people out there, but everyone has to put up with a**holes at some point in their lives. Doesn't going through the sex change process also require psychological counseling? Surely a doctor would know better on how to advise a girl like her.

As for your jw husband and others like him, I would be quick to quote scriptures where Jesus said, "Judge not, lest ye be judged.", and the like. Just be her friend. Make life fun when you can, and support her when she's rejected by those who are either too stupid or uncaring to educate themselves about transgendered people.

LovesDubs

I know "she" yells at me when I call her a guy...

The other side of this is...she...is married to a great lady who knows and has known about this for decades and married "him" eyes wide open four years ago about the time she started her transformation. So...we have a guy who was born a girl, who is becoming the girl she really is, who loves and prefers women. So is she becoming a lesbian? Its so confusing.

I bought the book Middlesex right after Oprah had the author on last year ironically ...and had it sitting on my desk all this time untouched. Now I am reading it. But she has recommended a few other books on the subject that might help me understand it better.

I have to admit it freaks me out some. It's serious business to her tho. I remember having this mental adjustment going on in my head the first time I found out one of my best friends was bi. Its mostly my very white bread small town upbringing that never allowed for anyone in my town to be different. I always vowed I was never going to be like that and had to shake off that mentality when I left the JWs because they hate anything that isnt them.

Thanks for helping...I am still listening :)

shamus100

Hi Lovesdubs,

I personally do not know anyone that is transgendered. Sounds like funkyderek's advice is right on the ball!

It must be a terrible thing to be born into the wrong sexed body, or have the wrong sexed brain - whatever it is.

I have to commend you for being so open minded. You must be a great person in real life!

Take care.

ESTEE

I'm glad your friend has a friend like you.

ESTEE

Rabbit

Don't beat yourself up because your having a hard time understanding her. Just keep being the loyal friend you've proved yourself to be. I believe we don't have to fully understand the how and whys of the scale of human sexuality -- we should just accept people at their word.

They know themselves a little better than anyone else. We are all different, thankfully.

chickpea

a few days behind on my reading here

my insights are on transgenderism are based on
being the mom to a 15 YO FtM (female to male) tranny boy

all i think you need to know initially is this:

the level of pain a transgendered person feels comes to a tipping point
where it is more desirable to face the persecution, the rejection and humiliation
of coming out as transgendered than live the pretense any longer.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prDOWbeXRKM
i have yet to watch this one without crying

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CImS1zOndv0
this one terrifies me in regards to my son's safety

i now tell people that i spent 14 years misidentifying my son...
i do not think of him in terms of having been a daughter....

and yet i still will slip with the pronouns!!

if you can, find a way to celebrate your friend's
being able to be her genuine self.....
the journey to this place for her has been grueling

edited to add: a woman on a support site for T/Gs has this as her signature

"if you are not prepared to sacrifice everything.
if you are not prepared to lose everything and everyone
that is important in your life, if you can do ANYTHING
but this and still get by, DO THAT, instead of transitioning"

frighteningly parallel to leaving the b0rg, is it not?

Transgender

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