update.....

by wonderwoman77 4 Replies latest jw experiences

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  wonderwoman77

  Hi there everyone...I just had a very deep conversation with my gf. It was very intense, but it changed somethings about how I was feeling...

  She was being very negative, and so I confronted her on it. She got mad at first, but we talked about a lot of issues that she has. I was glad to be able to help her, but I felt like I was being sucked into that emotional trap again. I was not sure how I was going to get out of it. So I just told her strainght up, I am scarred of our relationship and where it is going. I am scarred to fall into the codependency thing and that is why I push you away at times. It went well. I think she understood me, and I think I was able to do it with tact. I think I want to keep trying at this. Now that it is out in the open and she knows where I am coming from and I understand her emotions, I think I know myself to know if I am getting sucked into it, I have gained a lot of insight into myself in the last year...

  What do you all think?
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  wonderwoman77

  Ok I know someone out there has some advice for me....common people I really would like a few opinions here....
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  searcher

  A few years ago my wife and I started to have tremendous arguments over some apparently minor things.It nearly lead to a break up.
  Eventually we went away for a week without the children, just to argue and sort everything out one way or another.
  What we did was to throw everything on the table(concerning our relationship), keep the good things, agreed to try very hard to reject the bad things, and agreed to try and be understanding if some parts of ourselves could not change much.

  This worked for us, but the one thing that keeps it working is the agreement we made that even small problems or irritations would be talked about and not allowed to 'fester'
  I see from your post that you have already started talking about problems with your gf, and you also say that there is more understanding.
  I really believe that if you both keep this up, then more understanding will emerge.
  This is all, of course, just my opinion, but it is based on personal experience that it can work.
  The secret is COMMUNICATION.
  I hope that this helps in some way.

  steve
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  dungbeetle

  I had a mom like that (still do, just don't communicate with her much) and I went to Co-dependants anonymous (CODA) for a while. I found it very helpful to be with other people who have been through what I've been through and are trying to change. I did it for a year, but most people do it for a few months or a few weeks even, just to get the ball rolling.

  It's hard to find time for meetings like this, but it's worth it. We really can't help other people if we don't understand ourselves very well. And people told me at mY meetings that they liked having me there and I was helpful---that's a nice bonus!!!

  BITE ME, WATCHTOWER!!!
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  wonderwoman77

  thanks both for you advice. I might have to check into the coda db...:)