D I D

by Sparkplug 8 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Sparkplug

  Anyone?

  Keep in mind I am not writing of MPD. But of Dissociative disorder that comes from childhood abuse. Or Major Trauma. It goes hand in hand with PTSD.

  Maybe it is a big topic to just throw out there. I know it is for me...but one that I have seen to be Tabu in many arenas. Even when Valid, people are afraid to help...for fear of F!#%@$^@&%ing up your head more. Or as the JW's, everyone wants to be your savior.

  Here is an interesting link on the situation of many.

  http://forbiddentopic.blogspot.com/

  Actually, I don't really need to know if any have it. Just what you all know about it.

  Heaven forbid we have people diagnosing and ripping others to shred for opening up.

  Personally I thought it was a load of crap seeing my sister spoke of memories and such that surfaced from ritualistic type abuse. I was not kind to her, I did not understand why she was unable to function. I had no clue. Until I have lived it this year. Suddenly, a lot of things come into perspective. Suddenly, I am a lot kinder when I thought this was not possible. People I deemed crazy, are no longer so off the wall to me. If you listen, often they know a lot more than you could ever imagine. They just cannot get it out. Dealing with it adds a whole new dimension to it all. No I am not looking for therapy or anyone telling me to go to a counselor. That I do. But truly, just a sharing of thoughts, experiences, and some real talk. What have others done to combat. Stabilize, Not let people take advantage of your situation... (people will try to sneak things in on you)

  Just Curious.
• 

  purplesofa

  Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), as defined by the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a condition in which a single person displays multiple distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. The diagnosis requires that at least two personalities routinely take control of the individual's behavior with an associated memory loss that goes beyond normal forgetfulness; in addition, symptoms cannot be due to substance abuse or medical condition. Earlier versions of the DSM named the condition multiple personality disorder (MPD), and the term is still used by the ICD-10. There is controversy around the existence, the possible causes, the prevalence across cultures, and the epidemiology of the condition.

  After reading this about the memory loss, it makes me think when I was raising five kids by myself, first I always say.....Who was that person? that was able to do that??? (like it was not me at all whatsoever) and I have whole HUGE blocks of time where I have no recollection of what happened. Things that happened with my children. I am always saying, I don't remember that. Unless friends and family tell me, I just don't know.

  weird,

  purps
• 

  Sparkplug

  I read definition that you put on there purps, and I really wish I had not lost my notebook...but, there was a part from some book that had been copied for me showing that there was not always another crazy ass personality that took over, but just a loss of memory when things got bad.

  Maybe happenings were too traumatic or perhaps you see yourself doing things that no way would you in your right mind do.

  Strange, even opening up about it, leads to so much lost. People do not often have to or want to deal with trauma. Hell especially not insurance companies. People that once were close fade because it is a lot to take (all the changes that go on when you face that demon) Hell, I know I dropped a million things off my plate, and truly, still it all feels like too much.

  Heck even if you have it, they try to label it as something else so that you may get help. Not a lot of insurance companies will deal with DID.

  And because of the wording, people we know don't want to deal with it either. They don't understand, call it a cop out, tell you to just freaking buck up and go through it. Silly really, Karma is a beeotch. I know because I got a huge case of it this year. For all the times I thought people were faking it and life could not possibly be as hard as they were all making it... (the ones I saw having difficulties)... well it can get that hard and it is real. Freaking dreams I thought were just dreams I called up my family member and asked about because they disturbed me so badly.....

  Just to find out they were not dreams, but had happened.

  Or waking up to the realization that you are attracted and attract people that can be the worst thing for you.

  Or literally waking up with a memory/dream and the reaction is so violent within you that you know you did remember something and it was horrible.

  It is not that I don't want to remember any of these things. IMO...remember it and lets just get it all better. Fix it. But it is never that easy. How do you fix what you cannot remember? So you work on they symptoms and the core of yourself and usually as was the case with me, you have to be completely broken down before you can even start to fix. If not, you are just surviving still.

  Damn it, I want to flourish and not even think about the awkwardness.

  Heck, even people taking you serious if they know you have it sucks. It is like they discredit a ton of what you say because you have this thing that you did not cause, but have to live with. Truly, I noticed people with things like this often observe things in a different manner. Not distorted, but just more observant. Now what they do with the information is dependent upon the person. Like I got hypersensitive to all sorts of things I saw happening and I can tell you the exact moment I became aware of when I let my ducks fly the coop. I went for help. Funny thing is, it is often situations like the ones that caused the disassociation to happen in the first place to trigger a state that that causes such reactions in you to come out. Then, of course you do go a bit mad for a bit. Pulling it all back into a workable state while still opening up and trying to fix it all is the hard part. It is easier to do as has always been done with myself...and that is to shove it all under.

  I decided not to this time. Yeah I forget to address it, and I lose my list and such, but I keep things everywhere to make my self go through what I need to in order to heal. Not pushing myself, but awareness (of the problem) and the symptoms that come with it, seems to be the key for this stage of healing. That way I don't feel like such an odd person out when I read of people, tons of them going through the same thing. There in black and white. Things I never told anyone, and someone wrote it down and shared. They lived it also, and suddenly I am not so freaky. There is some help out there, and you find out what people around you are made of. What you are made of. Truly no matter how much I thought I liked myself before, I am learning to love me, and let others love me. And get rid of those that don't. Humbling. And scary as hell.
• 

  Sparkplug

  (From the above link)

  From internal chaos to cooperation

  Children who have DID grow up as the most wounded of the wounded. Yet, because of their unchosen coping mechanism in childhood, their coming out of that state of amnesia can appear as anything from sudden mood changes to not even visible to anyone except one trusted support person. It is rare that a person becomes an ever switching person, going from alter to alter. Most can relate multiple personalities to the movie Sybil. While Sybil's story was an accurate depiction, it condensed years of treatment into a two hour movie. A few things I'd like to clarify about people with DID.

  Switching (changing from one dissociated state to another and/or from consciousness to a dissociated state) Prior to a survivor entering treatment with a therapist, it is possible others may have never noticed. It is generally with a safe person that a person with DID may begin to have dissociated parts come forward. Generally, when a survivor "switches" (think of changing the channel on a television), something has just been said, heard, or seen that triggers the dissociated self out. People who switch frequently are the exception. Someone who is triggered, however, may begin to switch suddenly and rapidly until the PTSD level of adrenaline calms down.

  How many do you have? Dissociated self states (a/k/a alters, parts, ego states) develop differently in each individual with that coping mechanism. Numbers are irrelevant. If a child has one self state who takes over when the host child is angry, that one self state may have that job for the entire life until healed. In another person, their mind might create a new dissociated self state for each trauma memory. Often several self states recall a single trauma but healing would still be the same. Yet another child may create anger self states at various ages. It is not uncommon to find the name of one self state at various ages. In addition to being irrelevant, someone with DID really doesn't know how many are inside. They only know what they know. In other words, DID has the component of amnesia. A person may be substantially healed but find themselves still occasionally working with a self state that surfaces.

  I've been using the terms self states, dissociated states, dissociated selves, alters, and parts interchangeably. The literature is not consistent and some argue that there are distinctions among terms. As a therapist, I always asked my client his or her preference for a term. And that's what I used. Sometimes a little humor added to a very serious topic can help give the reader time to catch his or her breath. In that vein, to quote a certain fast food commercial from about 20 years ago, "Parts is parts." At least for purposes of this very broad explanation of a very complex process, the terms are interchangeable. Someone who has DID as the result of a main caretaker (and possibly one or two other family or relationship perps) is going to have less internal turmoil than someone abused from a very early age by many to intentionally induce dissociation. The process of healing alters is the same with some added complexity. But it can be done with a dedicated therapist and a survivor committed to healing.

  As for the survivor, coming to terms with having DID can be daunting. While some find it easy to embrace that all parts of themselves did their best to help her survive, others fight it with denial which tends to cause more disruption. For people who have successfully healed, there has been a slow and steady journey of creating an internal world of cooperation and safety. Once that is established, identifying and working with new self states becomes mostly a pattern of allowing the part to speak and to be acknowledged—and especially to see that there is no punishment for telling or crying. Since most parts are dissociated from each other inside, each needs to hear the same messages of current safety. Sometimes, there are families of alters or pairs or groups. In my experience they also heal as a group.

  It is important to know that most with DID have the capacity to heal and develop strong coping skills over time to stay present (not switch) and work with assistance from inside rather than alters having to take over externally. There are various phases to healing. I prefer not to label them because I’ve learned even those are different for everyone. The goal is to be functioning to where the survivor is back in control of his or her life rather than having dissociated selves disrupt existence.

  Whether at the hands of one or many, the emotional impact is very damaging. Some of the damage is healed as internal parts heal. What remains after functioning returns is learning to work as a unit in a healthy way for interacting with society and in relationships. Realize, those with DID have had different thinking processes and only have known one way to process information. It has been proven through the work of Ellert Nijenhuis and others in The Netherlands that brain connections that disconnected through the dissociative process reconnect in healing. The transformation of a healing survivor is incredibly beautiful.

  Unfortunately, while healing survivors have amazing courage and would like to share with their friends and greater outside world, we learn very quickly it is a taboo topic. People would rather not hear or know, some preferring to disbelieve. We hate the people who do this to children and then silence the adults who braved the years of abuse and came through their trauma to heal. It's a very unjust world in this respect.
• 

  purplesofa

  I have been reading about this since you posted, and then I was like, wish I had not commented!!!!! yikes!

  Some of what I am reading hits home for myself. Like being an observer of your life. and such stuff as that........closed all the links.

  I was abused as a child by my mother, and then when I was married. The stress to survive just that is unbelievable.

  after my divorce, taking care of my kids, living in a small town of only 2,500, no family around, my stepdad committing suicide........losing my marriage, income, family, friends, becoming a witness, being sick.....etc etc.....I do literally have huge blocks of time blocked out.

  Another time it hit me hard was when my daughters bi-polar was at its peak, not knowing at the time what it was. Two drug overdoses, dealing with doctors, incompetence, keeping a job, and on and on.........as recent as that has happened alot of it is just a blur. It was overload for me.

  what you are talking about is just about the deepest thing I have ever encountered to deal with in facing the past of anyones life.

  It's amazing what we do as humans to survive trauma........esp when it last for long periods of time, and even worse when it comes from a parent.

  The mind is so very complicated.

  I wish for you peace, and myself as well. It seems the more that life settles and normalizes, the past churns itself upward.......to be dealt with. Relentless, neverending.

  purps
• 

  purplesofa

  Unfortunately, while healing survivors have amazing courage and would like to share with their friends and greater outside world, we learn very quickly it is a taboo topic. People would rather not hear or know, some preferring to disbelieve. We hate the people who do this to children and then silence the adults who braved the years of abuse and came through their trauma to heal. It's a very unjust world in this respect.

  so true,

  purps

  ps In the big 700B bailout there was a something tagged on to that bill for ins to recognize more mental health issues and pay for them. I hope that actually happens
• 

  Sparkplug

  Hey Purps. I read what you wrote and have been trying to get back to post. Unfortunately, but much needed the girl showed up to do my hair, and well bad day to worse, she just had a death...so my night of talking just went out the window. So...If you will allow me, I wan to speak to you so badly regarding what all you have been through and I have seen a lot of it as it has happened to you and worried and related to much of it.

  Please forgive me as I beg out tonight and let it sit till the morn, so that I can give full attention to this seeing it has taken me a good part of a year to throw it out there.

  Bless up my sis. Hang in there for you are truly a strong and introspective woman.
• 

  purplesofa

  no worries!!!
• 

  CoonDawg

  One of my sisters has been diagnosed with D I D. She's been in therapy for quite a while now. She's made progress and has a pretty good handle on watching for trigger behaviors in those around her. She doesn't switch to alters like she used to, they are still there, but not manifest like they used to be.

  She's really working at therapy and at learning more about this disorder.