Yet Another Fictitious Conversation at the Door

Farkel

Yet Another Fictitious Conversation at the Door

Dub 1: Good morning. We are a group of Bible Students and are sharing some good news with our neighbors this morning.

Me: Are you Jehovah's Witnesses?

Dub 1: Well......yes.

Me: Then why didn't you say so in the first place?

Dub 1: ....................................................................................

Me: Are you a Church Sexton?

Dub 1: No. I am faithful to my wife.

Little Girl: And he's faithful to me, too! Aren't you, daddy?

Dub 1: Shut up, Susie.

Me: I've noticed that you use circular reasoning in your literature.

Dub 2: Yes, we do. The ancient Bible writers like Isaiah wrote that the earth was round, long before anyone else discovered that fact. That's why we know God inspired the Bible.

Me: The Bible is prosaic, you know.

Dub 1: Yes, we know. It contains some of the most beautiful prose ever written.

Me: Are there any gay Jehovah's Witnesses?

Dub 2: ALL Jehovah's Witnesses are gay. In fact, we are the happiest people on earth!

Me: You looked rather lugubrious walking down the street.

Dub2: Why, thank you!

Me: I've read some of your literature and noticed a lot of duplicity.

Dub 1: Yes! The material is duplicated in over 100 languages!

Me: I've also observed that the facts are glossed over in your literature.

Dub 1:The pages of Bible facts are glossed over so the paper will last longer and allow the waters of truth to reach more people before it wears out.

Me: There is a lot of watered down information in your literature alright. That's for sure. Jehovah's Witnesses are a pedestrian people.

Dub 2: Only in poor countries where they can't afford cars.

Me: From the look of your suits, it is obvious Jehovah's Witnesses are very penurious.

Dub 1: Well, we dress nicely like this so we can set a good example to those we meet.

Me: I've heard there are a lot of pedagogues in your religion.

Dub 2: That is an apostate LIE! As soon as we discover someone who practices that despicable behavior, we remove him from our midst.

Little Girl: What's a pedagogue, daddy?

Dub 1: Just SHUT UP, Susie!!

Little Girl: ...................................................................

Me: I hear you condemn pederasty.

Dub 2: We condemn all wordly holidays, including Christmas.

Me: I work with a Jehovah's Witness. She's very obstreperous.

Dub 2: That's because as a woman, she knows she is a "weaker vessel" and must show humility towards men in authority..

Me: Phew! One of you needs to eat more carminative food.

Dub 1: We can eat all foods. We just can't eat blood.

Me: Well, eat some foods that produce less flatulence, then.

Dub 1: ...........................................................................
Dub 2: ............................................................................
Little Girl: What's that, daddy?
Dub 1: Be quiet!.

Me: Are Jehovah's Witnesses nihilists?

Dub 2: No. We don't worship the Nile or any other river or inanimate objects like the ancient Egyptians did.

Dub 1: We carefully glean from the Holy Scriptures what God requires from us and we follow that.

Me: But "glean" means to pick up what is left over after all the good stuff is taken.

Dub 1: Sometimes it is necessary to read between the lines of the Scriptures to find the true meaning.

Me: What is wrong with what is written ON the lines?

Dub 1: ..............................................................................
Dub 2:...............................................................................
Little Girl: I have to pee, daddy.

Me: The first leader of your religion was probably a necromancer, you know.

Dub 1: He was NOT! He was faithful to his wife.

Little Girl: Just like you are to me and Mommy, huh Daddy?

Dub 1: I said SHUT UP, girl!

Dub 2: We encourage you to regularly read our magazines. People who have read them for a long time say they have gained the equivalent of a college education.

Me: How long have you been reading them?

Dub 2: For over forty years.

Me: Wow! You must be full of erudition, then!

Dub 2: I wish you wouldn't insult me like that, sir.

Me: That wasn't an insult. That was malevolent invective.

Dub 2: It was? I apologize, then. Have a nice day.

On the way to the next door........

Dub 1, whispering: What an idiot!
Dub 2, whispering: Yeah. Talk about stupid. We sure showed him, huh?
(Dub 1 and Dub 2 give each other high fives)

Little Girl: I still have to pee, daddy. Phew! What's that smell?

Farkel

stillajwexelder

wickedly funny

conoroberst

cool, you got a dictionary dog..

HappyDad

Three cheers to you Farkel,

This is one of the funniest "truths" I've read in a long time.

I'm laughing my arse off about this.

HappyDad

Quentin

Sad thing is I've seen that happen....

Farkel

: cool, you got a dictionary dog.

If I had to fight you, my weapon of choice would be grammar. Then again, it is not fair to fight someone with an unloaded weapon.

Farkel

Poztate

Loved It...... Add to the "Best Of" if it is not already there....

orangefatcat

Farkel it has been a while since I have seen you in the forum, but lately I see you a lot, great to see you haven't lost your touch. Great post, I am still laughing. Pathetic JW's some of them are so uneducated they haven't got a clue what your saying. I have seen this sort of thing over the years especially among rednecks and hicks in the country. Even in cities.

You'd think in the 21 century people would understand what is being said to them. Mind you a good teacher can come to the level of a person who is ill educated.

In this instance you are just funning which is really quite cool.

Great to see again on the board.

Orangefatcat

Yet Another Fictitious Conversation at the Door

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