Yoda is Satan!!!!! The fundy farside part II

by expatbrit 5 Replies latest jw friends

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  expatbrit

  Included in tonight's look at the wonderful world of fundamentalism, find out the destiny of America, blow apart the disguise of that cute little chap in Star Wars, examine the sinfulness of insurance, discover the blessings of drinking your own urine, avoid the trap of barn-dancing, stop supporting gays with your telephone and solve the world's population problem and stop blasphemy all in one shot! Oh, and ladies, you have to be slaves to your husbands.

  Expatbrit

  AmerRuss: Satan's master plan!
  Here comes AmerRuss, the supposed conglomerate of America and Russia. According to Texe Marrs, the Illuminati, "Communist front groups and their New Age sympathizers" are going to bring about the "Antichrist Kingdom" by putting America and Russia together. It'll begin when America buys out Siberia, then the Americans will become indoctrinated with Russian culture. http://www.texemarrs.com/ameruss.htm

  Yoda is Satan!
  Yes it's true! The cuddly Star Wars sage is Satan. At least according to this nifty little webpage. Ironically, the author of the page admits the concept is nutty. As he blithely points out, "I have gotten more mail on this page than any other. Most think I'm nuts, and that's fine with me." Ya know, I would've thought the various Darths, the Emperor, or even Jar Jar Binks were more obvious Satanic representations, but it's always the one you least suspect. http://www.sounddoctrine.com/baphomet.htm

  Insurance is a sin
  Remember that Simpsons episode where Ned Flanders declares that insurance is a sin, and that he never uses it? We all thought it was hilarious and ridiculous. Surely, not even the most insane Christian would believe that. But no, we're wrong. Here's a site that says insurance in ANY form is against the Bible. It even says people shouldn't buy cars because that requires liability insurance. Several of the many reasons given for this stance is that people should refrain from "having a common purse with sinners" or avoiding "poverty in the event of 'calamity' created by God." http://bethelministries.com/INSURANCE.htm

  Be a slave to your husband!
  This is a one woman who doesn't want any equality. According to her page, the "moral decline of America" is caused by allowing women in the workforce. She also thinks women must obey their husband in all things, and never hold authority over men. Now what kind of life is she living, you ask? According to her biography page, she was forced to marry her first husband after he knocked her up; her second husband raped her until a tumor in her burst, and her third husband was a drinker until she prayed for him to have an accident, which he did! Note of warning: every page on this site will load an obnoxious midi song. http://www.angelfire.com/ut/godlywomen/wivesjob.html

  Drink your own piss for Jesus!
  "I heard a voice in my head suggest that urine, too, is also fruit from the tree of life," says the author of this page. This is the kind of Christian website that brings a happy tear to my eye. It's so truly insane that I'll let it speak for itself. This one's a certified Chock-Full-of-Nuts™ Christian site. http://www.jesus-diet.com/urine.htm

  Hate gays? Here's the long-distance plan for you!
  Sprint, AT&T, MCI, et al., all those companies are helping "the homosexual movement... to make pedophilia legal." So what's a good Christian to do? Use a Lifeline! No, not the game show on that sinful Disney network, Lifeline is a "Christian owned and operated" long distance phone service. Unlike those other horrible phone companies, Lifeline "does not support homosexual rights, abortion and liberal anti-family agendas." Instead, Lifeline donates part of its "revenues to pro-family organizations, conservative causes and Christian ministries." Act now, before those other companies completely "corrode righteous ethics and morality" while you yap away on the phone! http://www.capalert.com/lifeline.htm

  Barn dancing is EVIL!
  The author of this article makes an impassioned plea against barn dancing in churches, because it provides "an opportunity in a church for men to hold hands with and put their arms around other people's wives." The article contains such priceless quotes as, "let's face it, Barn Dancing is very trendy;" and my personal favorite, "how can an Elder who does the Knees-up-Mother-Brown on Old Macdonald's Farm possibly command that kind of dignity, respect and reverence?" http://www.diakrisis.org/old_macdonald.htm

  Solve the population problem: kill for God
  This article suggests a helpful way to control the supposedly dangerous human population growth: kill off anyone that breaks any biblical rules. The author ventures that "some of the high crimes which God requires the human society to vigorously enforce the death penalty upon are: blasphemy against the true God; idolatry; breaking the Lord's day; dishonor to parents..." I think just about everybody out there is marked for a "vigorous" death, that'll keep the population down! http://www.tencommandments.org/population.html
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  GinnyTosken

  The sin of insurance should be somewhat familiar to ex-JWs.

  Insurance and Christians

  Does a Christian who trusts in God's help and anticipates the end of the system of things need insurance? Back in the year 1910, some posed this question to Charles Taze Russell, editor of the magazine now known as The Watchtower, companion magazine to Awake! Russell acknowledged that the Bible foretells the end of the present economic system, adding that personally he carried no life insurance.
  
  "Nevertheless all are not situated alike," Russell observed. "A father having dependent wife and children-if the latter be of tender years and unable to make their own living-has some responsibility for them." (1 Timothy 5:8) A man might set aside funds to provide for his family, Russell noted. "But in case he could not do this, he might be able to discharge his duty toward them through the medium of life insurance."

  from http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2001/2/22/article_02.htm

  Pastor Russell had this to say about insurance in Studies in the Scriptures, Volume Six, Study 14:

  Organizations for Mutual Benefit, etc.

  We are living in a day of organization, and it must be admitted that some of these have been and are truly wise and beneficial arrangements. Insurance companies of every kind are, of course, on a commercial footing, not, strictly speaking, philanthropic. They are endeavors on the part of humanity to bridge over the uncertainties and difficulties of the present life--to make provision ahead for death and its calamitous results in the affairs of dependent ones. We need not go into descriptions or details respecting the various kinds of insurance, but may say at once that it is purely a matter of business judgment, and not a religious question, whether or not the Lord's people shall avail themselves of insurance opportunities. We have known circumstances in which we consider that the father of a family did wisely in keeping an insurance policy for the benefit of his wife and children. Especially is this a wise course where the wife is not in sympathy with Present Truth and the husband's views respecting the near future, and when she desires insurance as a protection and as a rest and relief to her mind. If the husband's judgment in any considerable degree coincides with that of his wife, we think he would do well to maintain such insurance. We are not advocating insurance, and as for the writer, he carries none. We are merely pointing out that nothing in the Scriptures is designed to govern or regulate the conduct of New Creatures in this respect, and that each must use his own judgment in harmony with his own peculiar conditions in deciding the matter. According to our expectations the stress of the great time of trouble will be on us soon, somewhere between 1910 and 1912--culminating with the end of the "Times of the Gentiles," October, 1914. The beginning of the severity of the trouble is not distinctly marked in the Scriptures, and is rather conjectural. We infer that so great a trouble, so world-wide a catastrophe, could scarcely be accomplished in less than three years, and that if it lasted much more than three years "no flesh would be saved." In harmony with these anticipations we expect that when the financial storm shall sweep over Christendom, business and banks and insurance and property values will all go down together; that this, indeed, will constitute a serious feature of the trouble, carrying dismay and chagrin to hearts which have nothing else to rest upon--no heavenly treasures. It is very reasonable to assume that what are called the fraternal insurance societies will fall before the regular companies, because the former are without capital, and depend upon assessments; and because these assessments will become the more onerous as the membership of the societies not only ceases to increase, but, under pressing conditions, will dwindle. The failure of these various associations will, undoubtedly, dash the hopes of many, and make them reckless respecting all earthly prospects. Each, therefore, must decide for himself his wisest course as a steward of whatever property or income he may have; but none of the New Creation, controlled and guided by faith in the Lord, will feel such a trepidation in respect to the future as would bring fear to their hearts; nor will this class place such confidence in any human agency, protection or assistance as would make them feel dependent upon it as their treasure, and heartbroken in the event of its failure.

  from http://www.nsbible.org/sits_v6/v6s14.htm

  Ginny
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  refiners fire

  keep up the good work expat, these posts of yours have lots of nuts i can add to my links.
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  Simon

  "Yes, it's true ... I am the dark lord ..."
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  Prisca

  I always knew barn dancing was an evil, evil sin. Forgive me father, for I have done the docey-doe.
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  fodeja

  What's barn dancing? This something to do with BSE?

  Anyway, speaking of submissive wives, here's a site that made me ask that most famous question of questions: "What the fuck?!"

  http://fondlyandfirmly.com/

  f.