Elder voice mail...........in your area soon!

by four candles 3 Replies latest social humour

  • four candles
    four candles

    How it works. Member of the congregation calls the congregation crisis hotline on a free number. A warm,pleasant concerned recorded voice answers. - 'Hello,all of our elders are busy at the moment,but please hold the line. We care about you and your problem and your call will be answered in the order it was recieved. While you wait please enjoy the calming music of Kingdom melodies *8 while listening to the repeated reading of Hebrews 13;17.

    When you get through you will hear - Thank you for waiting,if your problem is of a personal nature,please press 1 now. If you have a dispute in the congregation,press 2 now.If you have a complaint against the elders or organization,press 3 now. If you don't know what you want but want to keep your elders from dinner,study time,or their families,press 4 now.

    If 1 is pressed a voice says - if you have done your research from the societys publications,press 1 now,if you haven't press 2.

    When 2 is pressed,phone hangs up.

    if they press 1 - if you do not understand your research and wish for assistance from an elder,press 1 now.....if you do understand but don't agree with it and you want your elder to say that its OK,press 2 now.

    If 2 is pressed,phone hangs up.

    If 1 is pressed the next available elder is called at home.

    If 2 is pressed from the main menu,a voice says if you have read Matthew 18;15-17 press 1 now,if you haven't press 2 now.

    If 2 is pressed phone hangs up.

    if 1 is pressed - if you have applied all of Matt18;15-17,press 1 now,if you haven't applied it and don't want to,press 2 now.

    if 2 is pressed phone gives off a 240 volt shock and hangs up

    if 1 is pressed next available elder is called.

    If 3 is pressed from the main menu their address is recorded electronically and a SWAT team from bethel is despatched.

    If 4 is pressed from the main menu a recording of uh-huh,yes,I see,oh it's OK,don't worry about it....etc is played on a loop as long as you talk.

    THIS SERVICE WILL BE AVAILABLE IN YOUR AREA SOON!!!!!

  • asilentone
    asilentone

    poor thing, noone responded to your thread in 15 hours, but I want to say that you are so creative.

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    LOL! The kicker is, in true Borg style, it would be a premium rate number!

  • four candles
    four candles

    I was bored asilentone,it jusy appeared after a harrowing afternoon with a company saying press this and that,then get cut off. In the end I just pressed hash all the time and confused the hell out of it,it soon put me through to a real person then!

    Good to see ya MM

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