Homicidal Domestic Violence

jamiebowers

The other day I read this article that says women who are choked during domestic violence are more likely to be murdered: http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/lifestyle/health/chi-talk-rihannamar10,0,7561220.column

Near the end of my marriage to a jw husband, choking me was his favorite form of recreation and my worst form of terror. Although I left 20 years ago, this article really shook me. I spent plenty of time during my late teens and early twenties being completely terrified that my husband was going to kill me. I couldn't look into his eyes...while he was choking me I would close my eyes and think, "Is this the day he's finally going to kill me?'

After more than six years of this nightmare marriage, I had him committed to a mental institution for a second time and filed for divorce. The elders at first insisted I keep the marriage in tact. When I refused, they then insisted that I had to prove his adultery in order to remarry. These guys knew that doctors and judges determined him a danger to my life, yet I was supposed to hang around and stalk him to prove adultery. I refused and said I would disassociate myself rather than belong to an organization that insisted on such, although remarriage was the least of my concerns. Stalking him to prove adultery would've endangered my life and continued his control over me. They said not to bother, that they would df me instead. And they did.

I lost my family, friends, home and most of my possessions. I was totally alone with the exception of a few "worldly" co-workers and my father who lived several states away. It took a long time, but I've managed to make a good life for myself. But if I would've stayed and he did kill me, what, if anything do you think the elders would've thought? Would they have felt guilty? More importantly, how many jw wives are there who have experienced the same thing and died from it? How many are out there going through the same thing right now?

Robdar

What an incredible story. I am so glad you had the fortitude to get out--of the marriage and the religion.

You asked if the elders would have felt guilty if you had died. I know many ex-elders and I think they would have felt very guilty. The others, I'm not so sure about.

dinah

Jamie, thankfully you got out. This is one thing about the Witnesses that angers me the most. A man can beat the living crap out of you, but if you can't prove adultery you are scripturally stuck in the marriage.

This whole Chris Brown mess is making me have memories too. I heard the details of the attack on CNN, and I was very shaken. You may have times when you are dealing with things well, but then something like this brings it all back--if only for a few minutes. I just wish that girl could understand, no matter how much she loves him.....someone who can do something like that is dangerous.

But back to the Witness angle on things, I'm sure there are plenty of elders out there with a little bloodguilt on their hands.

aSphereisnotaCircle

Women and children have never been high priority to the GB.

Without fail they tell battered sisters to keep their marraige intact and to be better wives.

If a sexually abused child cannot produce two witnesses to their abuse, they send the child back home to continue life with their abuser.

Words cannot express my loathing for those asswipes.

Bubblie

Sweet Jamie, it is so brave of you to tell your story. I never had to face anything like this while I was married but have heard from many friends about the abuse they put up with from dub husbands. I think the worst thing is that the elders don't believe you when you tell them. They just stick their heads in the sand and df you! That is so wrong. Glad you are here with us, I know you are doing better now, huh?

Kit

jamiebowers

I think the worst thing is that the elders don't believe you when you tell them.

I'm certain the elders knew what was going on for three reasons:

1. This was the second congregation my husband and I were in together. I'm certain that elders from congregation 1 sent a letter to congregation 2.

2. He would confess to the elders what he did, and that's how he avoided being df'd. It didn't seem to matter that the pattern of him abusing me and then confessing kept repeating itself.

3. He was forcibly committed to mental institutions once in each of the congregations, so the elders had to have known that he was dangerous.

AWAKE&WATCHING

((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) Wow Jamie, I'm glad that you got out. My dad was very abusive towards both my mom and myself. He even stabbed my mom with a butcher knife when she was pregnant. We were not witnesses.

My ex husband drug me out of the house after slapping me around, then just stopped and went back inside. I didn't know until years later that an elder and his wife saw what happened when pulling in our driveway to bring my daughter home. They never said a word to me but I found out a couple of years later that most of the congregation knew. Thanks friends!

I really can't imagine what that must have been like, to know they knew how bad it was and made you out to be the bad guy.

Lost-In-Translation

Jamie - I'm truly sorry that you had to experience such horrible things.

The WBTS truly believes that they have the God given authority to make decisions that profoundly effect people's lives. It's disturbing when they claim that God's spirit makes appointed men - who are imperfect- miraculously qualified to judge and dictate the lives of other people. How can the Governing Body live with a clean conscience when they permit untrained and uneducated men to make profound judgments on people who's behavior is criminal. A person who is physically abusive, sexually abuses children, or even kidnaps a child needs to be brought to the authorities. The WTBS even instructs the congregations to turn a blind eye to those in the congregation who are in the country illegally. They continually speak of keeping the congregation "clean." What about cleaning the organization of all the pedophiles and abusers instead of persecuting the victims of these crimes.

And to those in Brooklyn Bethel who are reading this message: We are not going to tolerate this kind of crap anymore. You have used enough "World Wide Donation" money to shut the mouths of those who have been raped by pedophiles. Stop threatening abused victims from reporting their abusers just to protect the reputation of the WBTS. Stop forcing wives to go back to physically abusive husbands. Just stop it already.

jamiebowers

This stuff is what keeps me up at night, because I know for a fact that jw women the world over are going through this horror. And no one, even the battered wives themselves, are doing nothing to stop it.

Homicidal Domestic Violence

Share this