It's nearly 16 years to the day when you made your appearence. I'll never forget the day I first met you. I was in my final year of high school, mid terms were looming and mum was heavily pregnant with you. I knew you were going to be an active child by the way your feet used to kick against her swollen stomach.
Mums' water broke in the early hours of July 8, I was oblivious as the drama unfolded, she and dad had left me a note and gone off to the hospital. I awoke that morning to a quite home, when I saw the note I was filled with joy. I phoned my best friend up and told her the news. I hurridly pulled on jeans and a T and headed off to the hospital. Ah grandpa Alex would have been so proud - he had passed a long while back, July 12 1985 and you would never know him.
When I arrived I went to see mum, they wouldn't let me stay in the delivery room, so while mum screamed for oxygen, I sat outside and eagerly awaited your arrival. In the afternoon I was called to have a look at you.
WOW
There you were! Perfect! 10 lil toes and 10 lil fingers. Wrapped in a blanket - you were so new and beautiful, I felt as if my heart would burst. I had a baby brother.
I came to take you and mum home on the friday as dad had to go and work. I carried you for the first time and felt your rapid flutter of a heart beat - love for you seeped into every pore and fibre.
There were times when mum would battle to feed you, you had such a small button of a mouth, but every month you grew, every month you put on weight. You changed rapidly, growing into your new body, developing your little personality. Everything about you was so cute and perfect, from those big blue puppy dog eyes, your blonde hair that mum let grow till it curled to the freckles that kissed your nose and cheeks. My opposite - I had the brown eyes and the dark brown hair.
Many thought that you were my baby, it wasn't hard to believe as there was the huge age gap and well I pretty much took you everywhere I went, I stopped correcting people after a while and let them think you were mine.
Time flies! I look at the pics that line my computer, one for every year you've been at school...from preschool to present day. Looking at them - wow you've grown! You've turned into a handsome young man - the world at your feet and my heart wishes for your every happiness and success. Sure there were some tough times that you had to face growing up - mum & dad got divorced, you lived with dad for a while, I had to take over the role of mum for a while (during that relationship with Andre' number 1) but we got through alright, didn't we?
I don't know when things started going wrong, I don't know if I did anything wrong as a sister, or if I could have done more.
I understand that a young person changes as you move on to adult hood - I get that - it happend to me....but...this is different.
You're not the once happy child I knew, you're not the caring son any longer. When I see you now my heart breaks. You don't smile, you're so very angry all of the time. No one can do anything right. You want to be left alone. You do your own thing, you come and go without regard to time. You're taking drugs and getting pissed. You don't care about school. How ... how did it get to this. You punch holes in the door, you scream and shout and emotionally abuse your mother. What can I do to help you?
It's my wish that this time or phase will pass and that you will find your happiness once again my dear brother. I love you so much, I love you like you were my own and it's pains me to see you on this path of self destruction.
I would have you smile again!