There was a time when I almost picked up that bookbag and bible, headed out the door for the Kingdom Hall, again, leaving my kids.
I was sure that going to the meetings, studying, field service, good association, was more pleasing to God than my relationship/responsiblity to my children. None of them were going to be in the truth, so I hardened my heart and little by little, covered up the hurt I felt and kept up the facade. By the time I got to my last child and only daughter that tried desperately to please me by going to meetings, studying, not saluting the flag a school, no holidays, birthdays, sneaking around to date, until then she never kept anything from me..........I realized I was losing all my children.
I was a good mom, but distanced myself, afterall they were going to be destroyed someday.
For a few years now, I have been working hard to re-establish relationships with my children.
My family, (mom, brothers, sisters) are not close at all.
Somehow out of all that my kids have been through, they are very close. I could continue to learn alot from them.
Tonight one of my sons asked me to go to dinner with some of his friends and one of my other sons. Just two weeks ago these two brothers were in a horrible fight, leaving one with a broken hand that had to get operated on, putting a pin in it! I was very afraid they would not repair their relationship after this.
Tonight I was so proud and thankful. Proud that they have sat down and mended this, able to have a meal together.
I realized I have walked around with so much guilt for my connection with the organization, almost to the point that I would have walked away from my kids. For WHAT? I know!!! as Craig Ferguson would say!
I know that my role as a mother in this family is so important, more important than any Saturday out in field service. Any brother or sister that will never speak to me again for having/forming a different or new conclusion about the organization.
While we were eating tonight, I felt so thankful, that I had such loving kids that have taught me so much. I am grateful to all the people that have come and gone from the board, with their insight, support, stories they share, encouragement that has made my journey so much easier. This board has help to repair my family in so many ways.
I thought about this before I posted, I first was going to put in it private....... I thought of not posting it or I could have written much more and made it heart wrenching, but I know there will be one person that will read it and relate to it and realize that loving their child is the best and right thing to do. They miss their daughter or son and there is a tug to go to them and repair some damage. Do what you need to do to start fixing it. Someone told me this many years ago and I am grateful for those words of advice. Do it! The rewards are much deeper, it is real and they need you.