I have alot to be thankful for

by purplesofa 7 Replies latest jw experiences

  • purplesofa
    purplesofa

    There was a time when I almost picked up that bookbag and bible, headed out the door for the Kingdom Hall, again, leaving my kids.

    I was sure that going to the meetings, studying, field service, good association, was more pleasing to God than my relationship/responsiblity to my children. None of them were going to be in the truth, so I hardened my heart and little by little, covered up the hurt I felt and kept up the facade. By the time I got to my last child and only daughter that tried desperately to please me by going to meetings, studying, not saluting the flag a school, no holidays, birthdays, sneaking around to date, until then she never kept anything from me..........I realized I was losing all my children.

    I was a good mom, but distanced myself, afterall they were going to be destroyed someday.

    For a few years now, I have been working hard to re-establish relationships with my children.

    My family, (mom, brothers, sisters) are not close at all.

    Somehow out of all that my kids have been through, they are very close. I could continue to learn alot from them.

    Tonight one of my sons asked me to go to dinner with some of his friends and one of my other sons. Just two weeks ago these two brothers were in a horrible fight, leaving one with a broken hand that had to get operated on, putting a pin in it! I was very afraid they would not repair their relationship after this.

    Tonight I was so proud and thankful. Proud that they have sat down and mended this, able to have a meal together.

    I realized I have walked around with so much guilt for my connection with the organization, almost to the point that I would have walked away from my kids. For WHAT? I know!!! as Craig Ferguson would say!

    I know that my role as a mother in this family is so important, more important than any Saturday out in field service. Any brother or sister that will never speak to me again for having/forming a different or new conclusion about the organization.

    While we were eating tonight, I felt so thankful, that I had such loving kids that have taught me so much. I am grateful to all the people that have come and gone from the board, with their insight, support, stories they share, encouragement that has made my journey so much easier. This board has help to repair my family in so many ways.

    I thought about this before I posted, I first was going to put in it private....... I thought of not posting it or I could have written much more and made it heart wrenching, but I know there will be one person that will read it and relate to it and realize that loving their child is the best and right thing to do. They miss their daughter or son and there is a tug to go to them and repair some damage. Do what you need to do to start fixing it. Someone told me this many years ago and I am grateful for those words of advice. Do it! The rewards are much deeper, it is real and they need you.

  • oompa
    oompa

    That was just perfect purps......i started a big patch up with my oldest and df son recently......i thought we had been doin well for years, but oh my had he been hiding some issues........our talk was a bit painful, but i asked for MORE!....getting closer every day now it seems.........oomps

    i always enjoy your view of life.........you have positive energy.....

  • JimmyPage
    JimmyPage

    I'm glad you posted this, purps, cuz it shows the former dub side of your life: that crazy thinking that "your kids were gonna die anyway so you tried to do more for the borganization" and the damage it caused. Maybe this will open the eyes of some newbies here who are lurking. Love your families, people, they're the only ones you've got.

  • primitivegenius
    primitivegenius

    aint it grand when you can look back and just absolutely KNOW that your doing the right thing now. sure you thought you were doing what was best then......... but now you KNOW you are. im so happy for ya girl, and just a bit jealous lol. me personally i had a great relationship with my family............. untill i pulled my head out of the sand. now i have to question things........ because i have a better relationship with my "worldly" family now than i do my parents and sister.

    thanksgiving before last i went and spent it with my 'worldly' family and had the most amazing time, found out how much fun we all used to have before my parents were hooked by the cult. i even got to see what the other family really thought of my parents, you know the stuff they would never show to us while we were all cult members. yeah your mom and dad used to be FUN lol.......... yeah untill they decided their family would be eaten by birds at armageddon lol. kinda takes the fun out of everything.

  • HappyDad
    HappyDad

    Thanks for the beautiful post Purps.

    I felt the same way in the late 1990's when my daughter started her fade as I know it now.

    When she wasn't at meetings, I was pained in my heart even though I was having my own doubts at the time.

    Then I woke up and realized my daughter was smarter than I was, and then and there I made up my mind that no organization with it's pharisaical laws would come between me and the only person in this world that I loved.

    And we are happy now even though we are 1200 miles apart. We talk every day.

    HappyDad

  • crazyblondeb
    crazyblondeb

    Purps,

    I got the pleasure to know your kids.....

    You are a great mom..you have great kids...they are going to fight.....

    that's what brothers do......

    just be there.............

    by the way..........i miss all of ya'll!!

  • purplesofa
    purplesofa

    i always enjoy your view of life.........you have positive energy.....

    thanks oomps

    I'm glad you posted this, purps, cuz it shows the former dub side of your life: that crazy thinking

    Jimmy, It's really hard for me to admit to myself just how crazy all that thinking was. I realize how far I have come.

    primitivegenius, I still want to call you by your old JW name!!! I wrote this on the original post and erased it, it was getting really long. But I realize that some families are toxic and there is a need for people to get away from them. Like you with your JW family, my kids, however, are not toxic!!

    Then I woke up and realized my daughter was smarter than I was,

    HappyDad, I remember when I realized that too, with my daughter!!!

    crazy,

    You will just have to come down and see everyone, and bring the grandbaby. We are getting the pool ready, shocked it today!!!! I am expecting Jada to know how to swim by the end of the summer!!!

  • truthsetsonefree
    truthsetsonefree
    I was a good mom, but distanced myself, afterall they were going to be destroyed someday.

    That is a perspective I hadn't thought about but which is so true for JW's whose children don't take to the "truth". It truly great that you have moved past it. A relationship with one's children is the best thing one can have, IMO.

    Isaac

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