Is your former life as a JW like an itch that won't go away?

by truthseeker 9 Replies latest jw friends

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  truthseeker

  Having been in the organization for some 30 years and only having been inactive for the best part of a year, it's hard to forget my past, as much as I hated it.

  I wish I had never been a dub. It's left a permanent stain on my life.

  I'm having to start a completely new life and it's hard to know where to start. I know I have it in me, but sometimes things hold me back. It's hard to make friends too.

  It's difficult to account for what I call the lost years. You want to forget your JW life but you're always reminded of it, in little ways and big ways. The history you thought you had with some people in the org sometimes feels as though someone else had lived that history.

  I mean, when you move far away and leave friends and family behind, you can always keep in touch and meet up. Relationships change but people don't stop being your friend - yet, leaving the JWs is a finale on an old life - you can't ever have normal relations with JW friends and family again unless they too have quit.

  I still feel like a newbie having left the Matrix a few months ago. I will never go back.
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  oompa

  ya......just like that......
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  villabolo

  I was only in it for nine years. Never had any relatives or spouses in the religion. That was nearly thirty years ago. Intellectually I'm completely out of it but emotionally I'm still scratching that itch.
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  Scarred for life

  truthseeker:

  It's impossible to forget entirely the time in our lives that we spent as JWs. I , too, wish I had never been a dub. But I was raised in the cult and I had no choice.

  Yes, it has left a permanent stain on my life also.

  It is hard to make friends after being a JW. We have been programmed not to make friends. It's also harder to make friends as we get older but it's not impossible and it will get easier for you. You haven't been out very long. Keep posting. We are your friends.

  It also feels to me when I think about my JW life as if I'm looking at someone else's life.

  I agree with you that you can't have normal relations with JW "friends" and family again. It is a sad, sad fact of the JW cult.

  No, you'll never go back. Most of us would not. It hasn't been that much time yet. Your life will be the best it has ever been from this point forward.
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  Homerovah the Almighty

  Ya you might say that, I left some 30 years ago now and I have absolutely no connection with them at all

  except the fact that I have family that are still in, an unfortunate aggravation. Thats some of the reason that I've

  come here to express my thoughts on this destructive cult and to perhaps help other people that need information and support.
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  parakeet

  "Having been in the organization for some 30 years and only having been inactive for the best part of a year, it's hard to forget my past, as much as I hated it.

  I wish I had never been a dub. It's left a permanent stain on my life."

  You need more time and distance from the dubs before your "itch" goes away. I was in only 14 years, during my teens and early 20s. Got out and have been free of it for 30 years. My only ties are my JW parents, who do not shun me for leaving, but it doesn't stop them from "glooming and dooming" me on a regular basis. Still, knowing what I know, their grumbling doesn't worry me. My dub rash has cleared up.

  You're still too near to the misery. Wishing you had never been a dub (and what exJW doesn't wish that!) is pointless, and if you're convinced it will leave a permanent stain on your life, you'll never get over it.

  I don't mean to sound harsh, but try not to wallow in your hurt. Take from the past whatever good you can remember and go from there. You need to take action, mentally and physically, to start living a new and freer life. Read some of Lady Lee's threads, or pm her. She's done extensive research about the emotional damage the dubs inflict on their "loved ones." She can advise you better than I can.

  Good luck to you.
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  truthseeker

  Scarred for life,

  Thank you for your kind comments. I'm just feeling it in a bad way tonight.

  Oompa,

  I've kept up to date with yout situation and wish you the best, for whatever happens.

  Villabolo, you were fortunate enought to have no friends or family in, but the teachings themselves and the programming can still be a big itch!

  Homerovah, I concur, it's good to write about it and get it our of our system, no matter how long ago we left

  Buzkid, I feel your pain buddy, my wife left with me but it took an eternity to get there and lots of tears on the way.
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  truthseeker

  Parakeet, just saw your post after I posted, thanks for the advice. You're right of course, it just takes time and a willingness to move on.

  I was raised in the truth from infancy, so I have to completely start all over again. I guess in a way, my so called friends having nothing to do with me helps speed up the recovery.
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  shopaholic

  Yes, sometimes it feels that way but not so much these days. It takes time to develop a life outside the JW-world. As you begin to establish friendships you realize just how abnormal your JW upbringing actually was even when conversing about normal topics.

  Also, every journey is different. Personally, I feel like I've made great strides but it took me almost two years to get to this point. It gets easier once you start making friends outside the org but don't rush it...that's one reason people self-destruct.

  The itch lessens with time.
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  no more kool aid

  I think with us born in's , it will never go away, although it eases up a bit. I see my older children seeking a normal life, like dating, participating in school activities and thinking about college. The younger ones seem to move on much quicker. I am trying to enjoy seeing them participate in life, like my husband and I never got to.