Having been in the organization for some 30 years and only having been inactive for the best part of a year, it's hard to forget my past, as much as I hated it.
I wish I had never been a dub. It's left a permanent stain on my life.
I'm having to start a completely new life and it's hard to know where to start. I know I have it in me, but sometimes things hold me back. It's hard to make friends too.
It's difficult to account for what I call the lost years. You want to forget your JW life but you're always reminded of it, in little ways and big ways. The history you thought you had with some people in the org sometimes feels as though someone else had lived that history.
I mean, when you move far away and leave friends and family behind, you can always keep in touch and meet up. Relationships change but people don't stop being your friend - yet, leaving the JWs is a finale on an old life - you can't ever have normal relations with JW friends and family again unless they too have quit.
I still feel like a newbie having left the Matrix a few months ago. I will never go back.