Do you encourage the "Victim" mindset?

LouBelle

Some of us do it without even realising. We 'buy' into the victims drama and add our bits and pieces and aid them along that path. I see it on here quite a bit - wondered if anyones' given thought to it?

Do not mistake with being supportive.

JimmyPage

What I see on here is people speaking out about things that they are not allowed to talk about anywhere else. They aren't going to get understanding from their congregation and non-JWs simply aren't going to get where they are coming from. They need help from others who have been in their shoes. They have all been victimized by the WT Society and I'm glad they have this forum to aid them.

Blithe Freshman

I'm a surviver of the WTBTS! The victims are still in or dead from their beliefs. I still at times need to talk/read about my/our experiences. It's part of the healing.

Blithe

Lady Lee

No one want to say "I was a victim". Victimization leaves us feeling helpless and people don't want to feel feel helpless.

The problem is that unless we see our experiences as a victimization we can't do anything to change that feeling of helplessness that lives in our heads. We wind up being at greater risk for other kinds of victimization.

Identifying abuse of authority and betrayal by those we trusted and believed in can help us to not only move out of that victim state but can help us see it coming at us again. We can learn to understand how people or organization, and religions use half-truths, lies, manipulations, fear, love-bombing, authority and even God to control others.

Mind control techniques are the same whether it is a friend, a husband or wife, a boss, a therapist, a teacher or a religion that is using them.

Some people say that we are survivors simply because we are no longer JWs. And in one sense we are. But I have known people who have spent years, decades even going from one abusive situation to the next.

I dated a fellow for a while who was an alcoholic. He hadn't had a drink in over 30 years. But he still lived his alcoholism. Every day he talked about his glory days of boozing until he was unconscious. It sure didn't sound fun to me. He is what is referred to as a "dry drunk" Although he no longer drank he was stuck believing the old days were the best.

Another person became addicted to self-help groups. She no longer had not only the problems she went to the groups for but now she could re-live her experiences repeatedly. There were days when she went to five different groups a day all for different problems.

The only way out of victimization is to learn the control mechanisms. Learn which ones you were most susceptible to. Work on developing the skills you need so that you are no longer susceptible to those mechanisms.

It is only by identifying a problem and then helping yourself to grow that you can truly become not only a survivor but can move on without abuse being a part of your life

hamsterbait

I think The Lady has it.

If you are an innocent person stabbed by a stranger (or conned into a cult by what were originally strangers) you are indeed a VICTIM.

But you can recognise how those injuries have harmed you and hopefully find a way of living so the injuries don't ruin your life more than they should.

Child abuse is one scenario. You can work through your anger and hurt, and decide it is in the past and you will no longer allow the evil lies and actions the perpetrator did to ruin the rest of your life. (easier said than done - I personally know)

Anger can take a long time to abate simply because of the amount of energy it is trying to disperse. But who would not be angry upon realising that a cult has stolen the best years of thier life with lies that you accepted as true? Before the net this was far easier. This is why the WT is growing less in the west.

There is truth in the phrase " working through your anger."

We have seen these things and are working through them. Or we are on the board to help. or to have cameraderie with like minded people.

Many on this board five years ago never come back. They have healed. Thank whichever God you believe in or rejoice in nature's abitlity to heal.

And PS Loubelle I cannot help chiming " Loubelle the lovvabelle"

HB

AK - Jeff

My opinion is that this site is key in the process of moving from victim to survivor.

The analogy of being victimized by an attacker is a good one. We were all victims. In the past-tense. Some are still working very hard at moving away from the pain of victimization toward survivor. Still, having been victimized is still part of our painful history.

I consider myself a survivor. I have seen very few examples of anyone here enabling others to be 'victims' if that is the conjecture of the thread. Before one can pull oneself up by the bootstraps, he has to be made aware that he has bootstraps to pull.

Jeff

Lady Lee

My opinion is that this site is key in the process of moving from victim to survivor.

I totally agree with you Jeff

Over and over it has been shown that people do better and recover faster if they can share their experiences with people who have gone through very similar things.

When I left the JW in 1985 there was no internet o support groups for ex-JWs. We were on our own and it took a long long time to even begin to identify the problems.

I see people here educate themselves and learn quickly that the WTS is not what it claims to be. Once that fundamental truth is understood the shackles fall off quickly because the mind is no longer trapped.

Thank you SIMON for a soft place to land

Scarred for life

I totally agree with Lady Lee and Jeff. And thank you, Simon.

Do you encourage the "Victim" mindset?

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