I have been away from the board awhile because I have been finding a new place for me and my two youngest kids to go, and found a WONDERFUL 3/3 townhome in a nice neighborhood, close to their schools and our work...and we moved in last week. Its like a pall has been lifted! Its so wonderfully peaceful and comfy here and my kids have relaxed. Its sooooo nice. I had a moment of heartache. He helped us move and was very cooperative with the whole effort. His JW sister and brother in law and their FIVE kids will be moving in with my not yet ex to help him pay the mortgage and maybe finish the house. It wouldnt surprise me if some day down the road they bought it from us.
The night we finished moving in, I drove him back to the house and it was uncomfortable. He was silent. When we got home I had to pick up a couple more things and we went inside. He was running around moving things..boxes and stuff...and I was going to leave and said "Im going...so can you give me a hug?" And he moved a couple more things and finally came over to me and hugged me and gave me a kiss. And it felt genuine...and I said I was sorry things had gone badly and that I would always love him. He just stood there silent. I backed up and said..."what...are you saying you dont love me any more?" And he just gave me this weird half a smile and said nothing. It was devastating. We never disliked each other we just couldnt live together any more. I guess it was too much to expect that he would still love me, but whoa...I sure didnt see that coming. I guess he needs to protect himself and its easier if he doesnt love me now that I have left and the kids chose to leave with me. It hurt soooooo much. But it gave a ring of finality to the marriage. I was kinda hoping that because I was just getting a separation and not a divorce at this point that maybe we could work it out in a year. His expression seem to slam the door on any hope of that happening.
So after a very rough first night away from the home we have known for 10 years and the marriage I have known for 22 years....we are settling in. He has called me and written to me, and said he would not shun me "because Im not like that" but he shuns his mom so....I was thinking maybe he was required to stop saying he loved me any more because I no longer live there. He is going to meetings again and dealing with his rabid JW sister so who knows what pressure he is under to "comply"
The JW "rules" about dealing with a DFd or DAd person even if by marriage, who no longer lives in the house, is to not have contact except for IMPORTANT family matters. So only time will tell. I have made sure he understands that he is ALWAYS welcomed in our home. As far as I am concerned he and I are inextricably family forever, and he was and still is my husband for HALF of his life.
So Im going to go sit out on the sunny patio with my kitties and get some sun before I go to work today...thanks for all your support all these years.
love, LD